Okay, think of the monster from Carrion (if you haven't played it, you definitely should) and make it into a hyperintelligent monster that cosplays as an anime boy
I went through a doorway with some of me inside of it, and walked out to see the villains on the other side. They all turned towards me, and I pulled up a stool, before sitting down.
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"Oh god, he's doing the thing Kurogiri. Turn his chair around." Shigaraki said.
"Can't, finishing his pornstar martini." He responded.
I cleared my throat, and our ragtag band of misfits all grabbed a seat. I looked over all of them, before sighing.
"Alright, good news and bad news. Which do you want first?" I asked.
They all started whispering among each other, before Magne turned to me.
"Good news first." She said.
"I found a replacement for Endeavor's kid." I said.
Shigaraki face palmed, and hesitantly moved his hand out of the way of his eyes.
"Please tell me the bad news isn't what I think it is." He said.
"Bad news is, Endeavor is either on his way to skin me alive right now, or he doesn't know about.....the accident." I said.
"YOU KILLED ENDEAVOR'S SON!?" They all shouted at once.
"Oh relax, it wasn't even his favorite one. Besides, I told him join or die. He just wasn't smart enough to know I wasn't bullshitting him." I said.
Blair walked up to me and slapped me across the face.
"What was that for?" I asked.
"Sorry, everyone else was mad at you, so I thought I would be too." She said with a shrug.
"....."
"Do you want mommy to kiss it better and then give you some milky?" She asked sarcastically.
"Yes please." I answered.
"Can you just tell us who the recruits are?" Shigaraki asked, exasperated.
"Not until I get my kiss and milky." I said.
Blair rolled her eyes and walked over to me. I stuck my cheek out and she groaned. She went for it, but I turned my head and kissed her. I pulled away with a laugh, only to stop immediately.
"Alright, business. Martini, come to me!" I said dramatically, holding my hand out towards the bar.
Kurogiri slid it, only for it to miss my hand and smash into the wall.
"You're paying for that. Okay, crazy guy is Twice. He can make copies of others, but not himself for religious-"
"Existential"
"-existential reasons. Crazier guy is Magne. Thinks he's a chick and does some shit with magnets. Hot girl whose lips I just sucked can do some pretty trippy shit. If you can't keep track of that, ask me again in twenty minutes when I don't have the body of a literal five year old. Now, upsies." I said, groping at Kurogiri.
He sighed in disgust and picked me up, walking towards my room.
