It wasn't meant to be ✔️

Chapter 21

He came out of the shower and stripped me off the only thing hiding my naked body, he couldn't strip me of my dignity, he had already done that. I thought he had come for another round, but was proven wrong when he grabbed my arm and picked me up. Something caught my eye on the bed, it was blood, my blood. The sheets were smeared in my blood, proving his victory, proving my loss of virginity, proving that he now owns me. And that he would happily do it again.

He had swore at me once, he kept in swearing at me. He had hit me once, he kept on hitting and beating me. And now he had raped me, and he would gladly do it again and again. He had practically promised me and I now know that the men of this house keep to their promises.

I was tensed at first, what was he going to do now? My body won't be able to take it. I was surely not going to live long if this was my life from now. I thought to myself and when I snapped out of my thoughts I was in the en suite. He put me down near the shower and turned it on. He then says to me "have a shower. I'll be back with your clothes." And leaves. With his shoulders slumping. He can't have felt guilty, could he?

I had a shower my body still aching. And as I stepped out of the shower, Ismail walks back in with some pyjamas. He helps me to slip into them and then carries me back to the bed. He lays me down on my side and rounds the bed to go to his side. He turns off the lights and within seconds I could hear light snores from him.

But my sleep? It was nowhere near me. I was afraid, afraid of him, afraid for myself and my future. He promised me one side of him and gave to me the other.

That entire night I laid on that bed awake. Staring at the plain ceiling. Every time I tried to close my eyes and sleep. I would see the scene replaying before my eyes. His smirk, his ignorance towards my cries, his dominance, his force and my destruction.

I couldn't sleep. I was hurting emotionally and physically. He really did that, he really raped me. And he's got no regrets. If he did he wouldn't be sleeping next to me, without a care in the world. He really didn't care. The pain, the agony I was feeling, going through. Why would he? He put me through it. He did. My own damn husband.

That night I stayed awake with these thoughts running through my head. But they all lead to the same thought, I was his and always will be. There was no way out. I really shouldn't have disregarded my family like that, why did I do that? They could have helped me out. But I'm stuck there's no way out now. I'm his, I'll always be his and I'll just have to follow his orders from now.

Then my thoughts went to my mum. Ammi, why did you have to go? Why did you leave me? I can't, I can't do this. Can't you see ammi your daughter is suffering where have your duas gone, the ones that were supposed to protect me, the ones that were supposed to give me love. Where have they all gone? AMMI! I need you. Why did you go? I'm suffering I can't do this. No one is listening, you can't anyway, Allah refuses to listen me and my pleads. I've been crying out my heart to him for this past month to make things better and look what's happened. I'm ruined!

The fajr adhaan was being recited in the nearby, but I don't want to pray for once. My faith and trust in Allah had been shattered. I didn't want to bow down to pray to Him anymore. He could have stopped Ismail but he didn't and I've now been stripped of my dignity.

She had taught her mother to hold on to her faith even in hard times and now she was going exactly against those exact those words. See, this duniya is test. Its like this: your walking through a dark tunnel and your faith in Allah is string guiding you to the light and keeping you on the right path. When you lose faith in Allah you drop that string and get lost in the darkness, where the light is no longer visible. And unfortunately that's exactly what Ayla has done. She's started to lose her way. Just when her only support should be her Creator, she drops her string and starts dawdling in the darkness.