It wasn't meant to be ✔️

Chapter 13

I departed from my family without a single tear shed from my eyes, giving everyone a kiss and a hug. I left that family as became apart of Ismail's

It's been 3 weeks since I've been married to Ismail.

Weeks of change and fear of the what the future holds. But I have faith, In sha Allah it will all be fine.

We've moved into his flat. A two bedroom flat in central London, overlooking the congested streets and beautiful architecture.

He introduced me to his maid, who was also his nanny, Rabia Bi. We got on really well. She's an adorable old lady who's got a heart of gold. She really doesn't know how much of a blessing she is, waking us up for fajr, ensuring we read Quran everyday and always teaching us more things about our religion and giving us Islamic reminders everyday. Her character and soul seemed to be as pure as a new born baby. A woman close to her creator and on her Deen. She was an inspiration. The faith and trust she had in Allah was what I aspired to have, one day In sha Allah. She had loved such a hard life, overcome every obstacle, jumped every hurdle and handle every hardship with a smile and now her relationship with her Lord was amazingly strong. She never lost hope.

But I've come to realise I have no idea about Ismail, I've met his father, I've seen this home of ours and his money. He was rich. But whenever I would ask he would change the topic or ignore me. This wasn't sitting right with me. I don't know who he is nor do I know anything about why he is loaded. I just pray that it's halal money, I don't want to living off anything haram.

Despite all this, he's completing his duty of a husband really well. He takes care, makes me feel like the most beautiful and luckiest girl in the world. He leads me and Rabia Bi in prayer, he always ensures all my needs are met and my wants fulfilled. He would also do little things that would just make my day, like waking up before me and picking out my outfit for the day, he always made I would eat before he eats that make sure I eat he knows that I've got an eating order he got me help, professional help. I would see a dietician every week and I was getting better, I could keep my food down and I was slowly gaining weight, I was thankfully not a skeleton anymore! He would brush my hair, cook with me, help us out with house chores and take me out for dates twice a week. If this was married life then I'm sure it'll go smoothly with such a good husband like Ismail.

Both Rabia Bi and Ismail were so supportive of me, I wouldn't have come so far if it weren't for the both of them.

Right now, I was 'revising' for my A-Levels. Ismail had talked to my college and somehow they allowed me to take my exams with them but I wasn't allowed to come in for any classes as there were only 2 more weeks until study leave was scheduled to start. I think that they didn't want to see my face until they absolutely had to! So here I am, trying to catch up on 2 years worth of content, teaching it to myself and then revising it for my upcoming tests. But I was struggling, it was hard, EXTREMELY hard. My head was hurting so much from cramming revision and the pain wasn't easing, it was increasing - ten fold.

I walked over to the bed and laid on it, face flat and groaned loudly. Why is education so damn hard, please? Then my tears came rolling down, not just from the pain of my headache but also from the pain of not having my mother by my side. It was at times like this, I would lay my head on her lap and she would read the Quran and the peace it brought to my heart was something else, something I wouldn't get anymore cause she was gone now.

At that exact moment the door opened, I couldn't lift my head up as it was hurting immensely. I heard footsteps and the bead dipped indicating that the person had sat down. "Jaanu, you okay?"
"No" I whispered.
"What's wrong?" He whispered back whilst stroking my hair.
"My head"
"Ok" he gets off the bed and I hear his retreating footsteps.

Wait, I just told him I'm in pain and he walks away? It felt like another betrayal that was just waiting to happen. Of course he didn't care, there was another reason for this marriage, wasn't there? My doubt from our nikah started gnawing it's way from the back of mind, I should have trusted my intuition.

The bed dipped again and a grip around my arms brought me up to see my husband, who had concern etched all over his face. He sat me on the bed my back to him, undid my messy bun and started to massage my scalp with oil which is probably what he went to get just now. With his hands, he was instantly relieving my headache. I sighed and leaned back into his touch, whilst he was working magic with his hands. We sat in a comfortable silence together.

I knew he wasn't bad, I was just overreacting. He wouldn't hurt me, I know he wouldn't, but I don't know him though. How do I know he definitely won't hurt me. Don't be silly he wouldn't, he loves me! Both sides of my conscience fighting each other and I didn't know which side to side with, who was right and who was wrong?

"You need to take care of yourself" Ismail's voice snaps me out of my inner battle, which I push to the back of my head.

"I do" I reply meekly.

"No you don't." He replied clearly frustrated. "You wouldn't be in this state if you did, there's only so much I can do jaaneman, I want my wife happy and healthy for the rest of her life even if I have to destroy the rest of the earth to get your happiness, I would happily do so." He lets out a sigh. "I would even die for your happiness." He says in a low voice. I snap my head towards him and cover his mouth. "No. Don't ever say that. I don't want you to ever leave me." I whispered, everyone I loved had left me I didn't want him gone too.
He enveloped me in his arms and we stayed in each other's embrace, with a smile on our faces and peace in her hearts. But for how long will this peace last? For there is always a storm to rock the boat.

******
What do you think?
Is a storm really coming or is it just Ayla overthinking?