One Night Stand (A Bucky Barnes Fanfiction)

The Date

I don't remember what happened while I was hypnotized, in fact the only thing I did remember was lying back on the soft brown leather couch. And the next thing I knew, Dr. Lewis was snapping his fingers insistently next to my ear, yelling my name and someone was screaming. My heart was pounding, my chest heaving while I desperately tried to catch air when my eyes opened, my metal hand gripping the wood backing of the couch so hard that it had snapped into my grip.

It was then I realized I had been the one screaming.

"Sergeant Barnes," Dr. Lewis sighed in relief when I looked at him. "Welcome back."

I blinked, slowly and dazedly, sweat pouring down my forehead in tiny rivers. My hands shook as I released the couch and sat up, looking bewildered and confused.

What the hell happened?

And then like a flood it all came rushing back, crashing over me with enough force to knock the wind out of me. In an instant I was reliving everything, seeing the look of anguish on Steve's face as I fell from the train, enduring the torture by Hydra, the training, the missions, the memory wiping, all of it. It played right in front of my eyes like a movie, fast forwarding through the highlights. I had unlocked a door, a door to a tiny closet in my mind that had been stuffed to the brim with everything about my time as the Winter Soldier, everything I didn't want to relive or remember. And I had foolishly, brazenly, pulled that door open, and it was all crashing down on me.

But with it came the memories of Jade, the missions and the anguish turning to the memory of standing nervously in her apartment, asking her to have dinner with me, and then our time in the motel room, her desperate kiss, her hand in my hair, her body beneath mine. And then we were back to the anguish, seeing the look of fear and sadness on her face as they lowered me into into the chair, as they made her watch them turn me back into a that cold blooded killer. And then I was standing there, in the cell, staring at the wall while Dimitri taunted her, assaulted her, and I did nothing.

Nothing.

"Sergeant Barnes!"

I startled, my eyes snapping open again to see Dr. Lewis kneeling in front of me. "I...I..." I was struggling to speak and to breathe. My throat and chest felt tight.

"You're having a panic attack. I want you to look into my eyes and take ten deep breaths, okay? in and out," Dr. Lewis demonstrated it for me.

I did as he asked, the first few breaths doing nothing to help the distress I was feeling, but around the sixth breath I felt some tension leave my shoulders, my heart started to slow, the vice grip on my chest loosened. My hands were still shaking, that hadn't stopped.

"Good, very good, Sergeant Barnes," he said when he noticed my calmness. "Tell me what you are feeling right now."

"I...I..." My mouth wasn't working. I couldn't form words. My head dropped, my hair falling into my face. I was feeling a multitude of emotions, the prominent ones being guilt, shame, regret. So much had happened. I had done many, many terrible things.

Dr. Lewis sensed my inability to continue. He looked sincere and understanding. "I know your memories must have returned, how many or of what exactly I am not sure, but I know a lot of it must be traumatizing, as I warned. But instead of focusing on that, I'd like to know if your memories of Jade returned."

My head shot up at that.

"I am going to assume that is a yes. So let's talk that through," Dr. Lewis finished at my silence. "What do you remember?"

"E-Everything," I blurted. "I...I stood by while he..."

"Instead of focusing on the bad that occurred to you two, how about we focus on the good? Do you remember those parts?"