What I Left Behind

Demons

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Song: Demons

Band: Imagine Dragons 

Chapter 7: Demons 

Jazz

     The pain was nauseating. Though, I haven’t felt it in a while. I just did two slashes. No big deal right? That was yesterday evening and today I was perfectly content. Well, that’s what people thought I hoped. It was already after first period when I was at my locker looking for one of my textbooks. I hadn’t seen Bee yet and that worried me. I haven’t heard from her and I’m not sure what to do. I was just about to snag my textbook when a hand slammed on the locker next to mine. I squeaked in shock and looked at the culprit.   

      “Geez, Jake. I almost pissed my pants!” I said, fake laughing. He didn’t look amused. I dropped my phony smiled and cocked my head. What was up with him? “Jake? Did I do something?” He didn’t answer. Okay, now I was really freaking out. After what seem like a million years, he finally spoke.

      “Have you heard from Bee yet?” I cocked my eyebrow. So, this was about Bianca.

      “No. I’ve been worried sick, though. Why? Has she contacted you?” That’s when Jacob did the most unexpected thing ever. Tears started forming in his eyes and it was like, he simply crumbled right in front of me. He started shaking his head then grabbed my wrist. I yelped in pain and his head snapped up. Jake gave me a questioning look, but before I could stop him, he yanked my arm to get a better look at my pain reliever. His eyes seemed to have bulged out of his head. I shook my head, but he just dragged me away from my unlocked locker. Jake opened an unoccupied classroom and hauled me through it. He shut the door quietly then spun on me. His eyes were blazing and his nostrils were flaring. “Now Jake, don’t jump to conclusions,” I pleaded. He grimaced but didn’t speak right away.  

      “What the hell, Jazz? How could you do that to yourself?” he questioned. Honestly, I wanted to cry. Cry, cry, and cry. I wanted to leap into his arms and pour out my feelings but I couldn’t. If he knew my pain, it would kill him. So, I did the thing I’m such a pro at. I lied.

      “Who said I did this? I have a dog you know! I was ruff housing with her and her paw was laid on my arm and she simply tried to reach up to lick my face when her paw slipped off my arm! That’s all.” I didn’t know for sure if he bought it, but I prayed to God that he did. Sadly, Jake shook his head. Not believing one word out of my mouth.

      “Jazz, please. I know you. You’ve always hid your feelings and you can’t do that. Jazz, you can trust me. I can help you.” His eyes were begging, but he couldn’t help me. No one could. These demons inside me were eating me away, yes, but they needed to stay hidden or Jacob’s heart would break. Bee’s heart would break. I didn’t need pity, nor did I want it. I wanted to keep them safe. I wanted to keep them safe from myself and in order to do that; I must hide my inner demons. I laughed without humor and looked right into his gleaming eyes.

      “Please Jake. No one can help me because I don’t need help. I’m fine. I promise, it won’t happen again,” I smiled till my face started hurting. I needed him to believe I was okay even though it was all a lie. He gave me a skeptical look. He looked, sad. Utterly and completely sad. Bags had formed under his eyes and his cheeks looked sucked in. Had he lost weight? What was wrong with him? Whatever he was dealing with plus my problems? He would probably just collapse. “Jake? Where’s Bee?” I finally asked. For the second time that day, he started crying. Slowly, Jacob sunk to his knees, crying in his hands. “Jacob!” I ran to him and knelt before him. He looked into my eyes and I looked into his. They were red and watery but they never seemed so beautiful. I could have gotten lost into them for the rest of my life. I cocked my head. Why was he crying? “Jake-“

      “She cheated on me.” My jaw dropped. What. What? I was utterly dumbfounded. I just blinked and didn’t say anything. I was completely speechless. “Bianca cheated on me,” Jake said, brokenly. I was shaking my head in disbelief.

      “What? How? Who? When!” I sputtered.

      “A week ago. At Aaron Lou’s party. With the man himself.” My jaw dropped even further. He couldn’t be serious!            

      “But, he’s a senior!” I said in a disgusted tone. A senior? Really, Bee?

      “I know. She told me the day after. I’ve never been so heart broken, honestly. I broke up with her immediately. She’s been trying to get a hold of me for days, but I’ve been ignoring her.” I couldn’t believe it. Jake was looking down again so I simply brought my fingers up and placed them under his chin. Slowly, I raised his head so he would look me in the eyes. Jacob stared into my brown eyes while I spoke the truth for once.

      “Jake, what Bee did was wrong. Honestly, she’s been crushing on him since day one. They’ve hooked up before. Like, right after Ronnie left. I knew she wasn’t over him so that’s why I was confused when you two started dating. I knew this was coming but not this soon.” That’s all I could say so, slowly but hesitantly, I leaned forward and lightly kissed Jake’s forehead. I drew my head back but not far enough. Our breaths were mingling, and I could easily see little green flecks in Jake’s gorgeous soft brown eyes. My lips were parted and so were his. I honest to God thought he was going to kiss me, but he spoke instead and it shook me to the core.

      “I knew you were lying when you told me you were okay. And I know you’re trying to protect me. But guess what, Jazz? Don’t. It isn’t your job to protect me from those I love most.” Then in one swift movement, Jake’s lips were locked on mine.  

Jacob

        Jazz’s lips were like silk and heaven all in one. I never imagined they would be like this. Bianca’s lips had never tasted this great. At first, Jazz was frozen in place, but then she started responding. Her lips were then moving in sync with mine. I wrapped my arms around her waist, and she brought her arms up and wrapped them around my neck. We were both on our knees still but the position wasn’t awkward at all. Honestly, I could have stayed in that position for the rest of my life. My hands were roaming her perfect body while her hands were tangled in my hair. It seemed like hours when we both pulled away from each other to catch our breaths. Jazz looked utterly frazzled and blown away. I glanced down at her kiss swollen lips and wanted to devour them again. I looked back into her flawless brown eyes just in time to see her break right before me.

          “I don’t know how, but you always seem to break down the walls that I have taken years to build.” Jazmine simply stated. I gave her a small smile. I’m glad I could do that. Before I could say anything she spoke again and her words made me utterly heart broken and wordless. “But this can’t happen. Ever. I’m a mess and I will go down. And when I do, I’m not bringing you down with me,” Jazz whispered. She then untangled herself from me and stood up. She looked down at me and smiled her famous broken smile. “You’re my dear friend, Jake. And I would like you to stay that way. I’ll tell Bee to back off and then we can all go back to our normal ways. Just, ignoring one another.” With that, Jazz picked up her bag, robotically walked to the door and opened it. Without even glancing back, she walked out into the hallway and walked out of my life forever.    

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Heartbreaking, no? 

XOXO,

C