What I Left Behind

Don't Say "I'm Sorry"

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Chapter Three: Don't Say "I'm Sorry" 

 Jacob's POV

Oh man. I so screwed up. As those words came out of my mouth, I regretted them immediately. Before I could do anything Bianca slapped me on the face. Hard.

“What the hell was that? Jacob!” Bianca fumed. I quickly put on my façade of not caring and faced Bianca.

“I’m sorry. It slipped.” Her mouth dropped. I sighed and stood up. “I’ll go talk to her.” Bianca crossed her arms over her chest and nodded.

“Damn right you will.” I didn’t say anything and just walked away. I opened the cafeteria doors and looked around. I looked to my right and saw her. She was on the floor, crying. I ran to her, suddenly afraid that she hated me and I couldn’t believe I had made her cry.

“Jazz?” I whispered. She sniffled but didn’t lift her head.

“Go away you ass”, she mumbled. I rolled my eyes and sat down next to her.

“Jazz, I’m so sorry I said that. I really am.” I was just about to lay my hand on her shoulder but quickly thought better of it. With another sigh, I put my hand down. She lifted her head, then and looked at me with a blank but sad face.

“Can you even comprehend how much I miss him? Do you even know how I feel everyday knowing that I’m never gonna see him again?” She asked. I was just about to answer when she interrupted me. “No. No you don’t. Because you are a selfish jerk and always have been. We used to be so close but you left me. You left me! When high school started you were suddenly too cool for me! What the hell is that? I needed you, Jake. When Ronnie left I needed you. Bianca is my best friend, well only friend, but it wasn’t the same. It never was with her.” Jazz was breathing heavily and was saying this with tears streaming down her face. She hastily wiped them away and stood up. “You’re not sorry! You never are because you don’t care!” Oh god, that’s it. I stood up as well, enraged.

“What? How could you say that? What the f**k Jazz? Of course I’m sorry! Did you know its hard to say that nowadays and mean it? No because you never say sorry. To anyone! And that’s just sad. Yeah I might be selfish. God. I’m sorry I’m not what you wanted or wanted me to be. Im sorry for letting you down! What else do you want me to do? I did change and I needed you too sometimes but you weren’t there either!” I finished, breathing hard. She just looked at me. No emotion on that pretty face of hers, nothing. She doesn’t understand. “You miss Ronnie. I get it. I hated the guy but whatever. He’s gone and you need to move on. I’m sorry Jazz. For everything. I f**ked up again. I get it. I won’t ever do it again.” I took her hands in mine. “We need to start over. I need you, okay? I am so sorry.” I looked into Jazz’s eyes. I was telling the truth, for once. I really missed her and needed her. She looked away from me, and she lurched her hands from mine.

“No. I’m done getting hurt. You’re a liar. A big fat liar and that’s sad. And pathetic. Leave me alone, Jacob and leave Bianca alone. She doesn’t need another player in her life. Her heart can only take so much.” Her eyes were cold. I was stunned. And sad. And angry. I narrowed my eyes at her.

“Do you even have one? Probably not.” Nothing. No reaction from her. She was gone. Jazz turned away but before she left she spoke but didn’t look at me.

“You’re right. I don’t have a heart. I haven’t had one since you left. Ronnie helped me get it back, but he left too. It’s quite sad, is it not?” I didn’t speak. Like she suspected that, Jazz continued on and departed out of the front doors of our high school.   

Jazz's POV

I hate being like this but acting this way keeps me safe. My heart melted when Jacob said all those things, but it hardened and shattered when I rejected his apology. Yeah, I know how hard it is to say sorry, that’s why I never say it. To anyone. Those two words are useless and meaningless to me. Sad but true. If Jacob can’t accept that then oh well. I started walking home, and I knew my mother would be pissed when she found out I played hooky. I want to leave this place somehow, I thought. I shook my head. Yeah right. I’m never getting out of this hell hole. I walked up to my front door. I closed and locked and was suddenly greeted by my dog, Abby.

“Hey Abby.” I ruffled her fur between her ears. She just barked. I set my bag on the floor and immediately headed to my room. I entered and closed my door then walked over to my desk with my computer. It beeped on and signed in while thinking to myself I should just go to sleep. I logged onto Tumblr started re-blogging the shit out of whatever. I then saw it. The background was white but the words were black. I’m sorry they said. I bowed my head and silent tears ran down my cheeks. Jacob… No. I’m done with him and I’m done with all this crap. He wasn’t sorry. He never is! I don’t believe and I wish he would just leave me alone. I slammed my laptop closed and jumped on my bed. I refuse to cry so I didn’t. I laid there just staring at the sealing. Soon, my eyes drifted closed and I was asleep.

            “What the hell, Jazz? Wake up!” My eyes popped open and I groggily sat up. My mother was standing in my bedroom doorway, fuming. “So, I get a call today saying you missed two of your classes plus softball practice. Now I find you here. How dare you skip school!” my mother yelled at me but it wasn’t new. That’s all she ever does. I rolled my eyes wishing she would just shut up. I laid back down and put my pillow over my head. “Oh god, you’re hopeless! You never listen and you think of yourself! You should have never seen that Ronnie boy-“

“No! Don’t you dare speak of him?” I shrieked. I jerked out of bed and walked up to her. “Shut the hell up now, mother. Don’t talk about Ronnie, don’t think about Ronnie. Ever. Now get out.” I pointed my finger to the door with a stone cold face. I was a foot taller than my mom so I looked down on her. But I wasn’t making eye contact; I was just staring at my purple fluffy rug.

“This isn’t over young lady”, my mother stated and started walking out of my room. But, I spoke again.

“It’s defiantly over young lady.” My mom stopped cold and reared back on me. Before I could stop it, it happened. For the first time in all my sixteen years, my mother hit me. The hard slap rang through my room. I stumbled back and put my hand over my cheek. Yep. Bruise tomorrow. I slowly lifted my eyes to her emotionless face.

“You get your cockiness from your father”, was all she said when she walked out of my room and slammed my door. I was speechless. So, I slowly sank down on my bed and sat there for a few hours. I just sat there utterly shocked and upset. And hurt. For the umpteenth time today, I started crying, but they were silent and slow tears. I hated my life. Always have and always will. This is why I never say sorry. Because even if I apologized to my mother, she wouldn’t have said sorry for hitting me and causing me so much pain.