What I Left Behind

My Skin

So, this chap is short on purpose. Jazz does have inner demons and this short chapter reveals them. Ronnie's gone, so she's going back to her old ways.

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Chapter 6: My Skin 

Jazz

My head felt like it was splitting open. I slowly opened my eyes to the blinding sun and closed them almost immediately. God. I feel horrible. What happened last night? I opened my eyes again and regretted that decision. I blinked multiple times as they adjusted. I raised my hand to my head. Shit. That’s what I feel like anyway. I turned my gaze to my digital clock on my nightstand. 8 am. Awesome. Sluggishly, I sat up. I looked down at myself to find I was still in my dress from the night before. That’s right! The party! How did I end up at my house? Jacob. Jacob brought me home even after I told him to just go back to Bianca but he didn’t. He brought me home instead. I smiled to myself. How sweet of-

      “Jazmine! Open your damn door!” A yelling and a pounding interrupted my peaceful thoughts. I groaned and stood up; though, my body was protesting urgently. I wobbled over to my door and cracked it. With a force that knocked me off my feet, my mother burst through the door in a blazing fury. The too fast motion stunned me and made me want to barf. I sat on my floor rubbing my head while my mom stood there in front of me pissed. “Get up!” she yelled. Before I could even move my hand from my head, she reached down and death gripped my bicep. She yanked me to my feet, ignoring the fact that I could vomit any minute. “My god, you’re hung-over! You drank last night? What the hell! I raised you better than that!” I just looked at her sleepily. I know I screwed up but even if I told her that she wouldn’t believe me.

      “I’m sorry mom. Can I just go take a shower and go back to sleep? Thanks.” I began walking away but my mother pulled me back. Her grip on my hand grew tighter. I fought not to cry out in pain. “Mom. Let go. You’re hurting me,” I said, clearly distressed.    

      We are not done here! How could you be so careless? I knew you came home last night. I’m the one who let that retched boy bring you inside! I almost didn’t let him bring you in but I only did so I could talk to you today.” I was dumbfounded. I’ve never felt so unwanted by my mother. Before I could say anything, she continued her tirade. “You were grounded, Jazz! Grounded! Yet you still disobey my orders! When will you learn you ungrateful child! I’m so disappointed in you. I always thought you were worthless but right now, you’ve never seem so insignificant to me than you do now.” Words could not explain what I was feeling right then. I was already unsure about myself. I have already tried making myself perfect in so many ways. Ronnie was the one who found me at my lowest point, but he’s gone now. Who’s left to save me?

      “Mom-“I began but she cut me off with a blow. For the second time in all my years, my mother hit me, clearly having enough. Her hand came so fast, I couldn’t even finish blinking. She slashed her French manicured nails across my cheek. Automatically and immediately, both of my hands flew up to my face to cover the wound. The pain was excruciating. The pain in my cheek was bad, sure, but the pain in my heart was much worse. Hesitantly, I brought my hand in front of my crying eyes. The tears blurred my vision but I saw red. I saw the red dripping down my hand, my arm. I could see red soaking in my fluffy carpet that my dog loves laying on so much.

      “Don’t you dare leave this room. Clean up this mess,” she said coldly. I fell to my knees and I laid my trembling bloody hands on my lap. My door slammed shut and I closed my eyes in relief. She’s gone it’s okay. But it isn’t okay. It never is. Not in this house. I haven’t been like I was before Ronnie came in forever. Ronnie is gone so why can’t I go back? If I don’t want to disappoint my mother then I could be the daughter she’s always wanted again. She’ll stop hurting me and everything will be better again. I slowly stood up and walked to my floor length mirror. I couldn’t recognize the girl standing before me. She had a stained dress on the was way to short and her hair wasn’t glossy; it was also all over the place. Her wrists were bloody but they were censored free. Worst of all, her cheek was a tarnished, mangled mess. I don’t understand. Why is this girl such a wreck?                       

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Who will save her?

XOXO,

Cat<3