Desiderium: longing for something that has been lost

Chapter 39

"hope is a waking dream" -- aristotle 

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Quantico

April 3, 2008

12:46 pm

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Hotch pulled into the driveway, and let the car idle for few seconds. 

"You do that a lot you know." Emily was next to him, her hand gently coming to land on his shoulder. "You ok?" 

He shrugged. "It's Haley's birthday, and I don't know what, or how to feel, exactly." He glanced over at her, and smiled shakily at her. "I really did love her Em, and god, this feels wrong to tell you that but, today just feels...strange."

She rubbed his shoulder. "You can tell me anything Aaron, I can take it." They both chuckled and she turned to look at him. "I mean that, I know you loved her, and I will never grudge you those years that you spent with her. This period of transition will take time, and you'll figure out where everything stands."

He leaned his head on her hand, and looked over at her. "You."

She smiled back at him. "Me."

He took her hand and kissed it gently. "No really, you take all my fears and shrink them down to manageable worries, it's refreshing."

She smiled gently at him. "Well, maybe it's my time to take care of you now." She popped the door open and got out, stretching. "Now I know Rossi will always hold it over our heads if we show up late so why don't we go in."

He laughed and turned the car off.

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Rossi's house had seen a lot lately-- laughter and joy, and then tragedy and deep pain, and now laughter, tinted by that pain.

Rossi took a sip from his ever present glass of scotch and shook his head. Maybe he should have listened to his agents, and shouldn't have come out of retirement, but then, he looked around at his team, he wouldn't have this. He didn't know how he existed before, a lonely old man, with just his money and his books. 

Shit, he didn't know how he existed before the Reid kid showed up. 

He glanced over at him. He was sitting on the couch, legs drawn up in a tight pretzel position, listening intently to something that Morgan was telling him. It must have been funny, because he let out a laugh, and Rossi could have thanked any number of saints for seeing a damn smile on that kids face. 

JJ settled down next to him, a content look on her face. He offered a glass and she declined. "How's he doing?" She tilted his head towards him.

He shrugged, still watching him. "Some days are better than others. He wants to enroll in some classes soon, which is amazing." He glanced at her. "What have you been up to, haven't seen you much."

She blushed. "I know, and I do feel bad about that, but I had some problems at home, had to help my mother with some things, and then I met Will, and--" She shrugged. "I'd say I'm sorry, but that doesn't do much, in my book anyway, so I want to be here for him now, I can help take him to his therapy sessions or do whatever." 

Rossi took another sip. "JJ, you don't have to treat him like he's some sort of project you know."

"I wasn't, I was just suggesting that --" 

"Hey, it's ok, I get what you were suggesting and that's a great idea, but what he could use is just friendly people who are there for him and support him all the time. Not somebody who just takes him somewhere and drops him off." He raised a hand, cutting off her stammers. "I wasn't suggesting that you necessarily would do that, I was just saying that he needs someone who would listen to him."