Desiderium: longing for something that has been lost

Epilogue

"every day we reconstruct ourselves out of the salvage of our yesterdays" -- james sallis 

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Quantico 

May 13, 2013

3:09 pm

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Morgan adjusted his tie in the rearview mirror and hurried out of the car. The campus grounds were crowded with families hurrying to see their loved one walk across that stage, and Morgan had to fight to get to his seat. 

JJ looked at him as he slid into his seat, the tiny newborn in her arms sighing in his sleep. "You're late Morgan."

Morgan waved a tiny little wave at the baby, and then shrugged at her. "I'm here aren't I? Besides it doesn't start for like another twenty minutes."

She lifted the baby to her shoulder, the infant dressed in the colors of the school. "Henry's excited to see his godfather graduate." She patted him gently on the back. Will put his arm around her and gazed lovingly at the tiny sleeping face of his son. 

Emily turned around to face them. "I'd like to take credit for all of this, for you know sort of encouraging mr. smarty to go and enroll but you know I wasn't actually taking the classes." 

Hotch turned and faced them all a brochure in his hand. "He'll be marching with the doctoral students."

Morgan sighed. "Hotch, man we know this isn't his first graduation." 

"No but it's his first doctoral, and he's getting two at one go." He pulled a card out of his jacket. "You need to sign this, by the way, since you were late." 

"I wasn't late." He grabbed the card. 

Rossi turned around. "Give it to me when you're done, I'm gonna give the kid enough money to pay the rent for at least a year on that apartment of his." 

Garcia slid in next to Morgan, her face beaming. "Oh, Morgan, our little boy wonder is graduating today. Is this what parenthood feels like? This has to be what it feels like." She grabbed his arm and sighed in happiness. 

"I know baby girl, I'm so proud of him." 

The lights dimmed, and an expectant hush filled the auditorium. Names were called as the undergraduate program received their degrees and graduated. Then the students in the masters program received their programs and graduated. 

Garcia grabbed Morgan's arm again. He was starting to bruise. "It's almost time!"

The doctoral students were called, and a whole range of students made their way across the stage. 

When they called Spencer's name, there was a feeling of expectancy and pride, and then they saw him walk across the stage, in all his regalia and pomp. 

"Hell yeah, kid." Morgan wiped away the few bothersome tears. "Look at you." 

It took at least another hour before they saw Spencer coming toward them, the biggest smile they had ever seen on his face. He didn't even get a word in before Hotch pulled him into a hug.

"I'm so proud of you." He whispered. "You did it." 

Morgan whistled. "We're going to have to make some more room on that wall of yours there kid." He pointed at the two diplomas in his hand. "What does that make you, Doctor Doctor Reid?" 

Spencer laughed. "Yeah, I guess it does." 

JJ nudged Morgan aside. "Henry wanted to congratulate you." 

Spencer's eyes lit up and he gave the diplomas to Morgan. Gently he lifted the baby from JJ and cradled him to his chest. "Well thank you Henry, I appreciate that." He grinned at JJ, and she smiled at him. 

Garcia gave him a side hug, careful of her godson. "I'm proud of you my boy wonder." She squeezed him. "You've done so much." 

Emily surveyed him. "It's just two Ph.D.'s." She laughed at his expression. "I'm joking obviously because I only ever leveled up to a masters." She nudged him. "Congratulations, Dr. Reid."

Rossi clapped him on the shoulder. "Well now, that you're a doctor and a scholar, what do you want to do with your life?" 

He blushed, and handed the baby back to JJ. "Well for one I want to get more degrees, but I was also thinking about doing what you guys do to."

Morgan stopped and stared at him. "As in the FBI." 

"Yeah, they reached out to me actually, I tend to get on a lot of people's radar and they were one of them. They'd be interested in paying for any future education if I would be interested in working for them in one of their departments." 

Hotch crossed his arms. "Spencer, the FBI, it takes a lot out of you, sometimes you can never get that back."

He nodded. "I know, but I also want to make sure what happened to me as a kid, never happens to anyone else if I can help it. I'm going back to get degrees in psychology and sociology and I'm going to the FBI academy. When I graduate I'll have my pick of departments and teams."

Morgan whistled. "Your pick, huh? Got an eye on any in particular? Bet the cryptanalysts would love you."

He glanced around at the group. "Actually I was thinking I'd join your team, at the BAU." 

Emily laughed. "Well, what are the odds."

Morgan shook his head. "Yeah and here I thought I'd be seeing less of you."

JJ juggled Henry. "Enough of this, Spencer's graduated, and we have reservations at that restaurant. Rossi's paying so I'm getting lobster, anyone else?"

He couldn't help but reconcile his lives.

In one, he watched his future slide away into nothing, trapped, alone, and with no opportunities.

In another, he graduated with two doctorates, his own special brand of family watching, and with thousands of opportunities waiting for him. 

He didn't know exactly when he had made the jump from the first life to the second life. Hadn't known exactly when he had slid from hopeless to seeing the first slivers of hope. 

But god, he was glad he had gotten there. 

Spencer Reid would be alright.