Poem || 01
Looking myself in the mirror
Can't identify the illusion I see
Tryna recall, Is this how I use to be?
Hard to believe but this is the present me.
Standing there from last few hours
Tryna move a muscle
But I couldn't, As I'm so numb
And my thoughts squawk and are telling me
that, I'm dumb.
All I can hear is the sound of dripping blood
Just wanna let it all out
Tryna cry, till it doesn't flood
Tryna scream, till my lungs doesn't hurt
Every time I try
Tears decline to roll down my check,
A voice whisper slowly in my head
Be Strong, no one care.
Try to scream for support
But my throat went dry
Struggle to hear my own voice
Fell so helpless, never felt this way before.
Closed my eyes
Taking few deep breaths,
Hoping it will calm my pessimistic thoughts
But end up getting lost in them
Like usual
Tryna put a real small smile for my sake
But all I can feel is the hidden pain in my heart.
Tryna find the courage
To tell myself "Every thing will be fine, and I'll be happy again."
Only to make my negative thought spread like a fire
And tell me I am a big liar
Can't even get the guts to
Look in eyes of my reflection
As I could see is disappointment, embracement, looser.
Making me ashamed of myself
Unfortunately a little part of me feel like I deserve this.
My heart is so heavy
Got to much to say
But no one near me noticed
I am not my the girl, I used to be back then
Its okay, she is gone
When someone ask
"How are you?"
Tryna be honest and say
"I am not okay"
But so scared to be get judged
And called an attention whore,
Somehow I manage to get a plastic smile and tell
"I am fine" like usual.
Tryna make my fake smile look more real
To hide the reasons of my little break down,
When I am alone
Applying tons of makeup,
So nobody see my scar
And make explain why?
Coz I don't have words to clarify the reason,
Except to say "My life is a fucked up mess."
Leaning against my bathroom wall,
And I look down
At my fresh cuts and old scars
Make me wonder, like every time
Where did I go wrong
To deserve this pain in such a young age.
divi xx
/🥺🌸🍦/
All I carve now, is to
posit 'I'm Alright'
and be proud, that
I didn't give up
in middle of my fight
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𝐋𝐢𝐞𝐟𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐭 ➵poetry ✔︎
Poetry[✔︎]Liefdesverdriet [n.] the sadness, depression or pain, one feels about a love that is gone. || ➵ My poem collection, it comprise of dejected, melancholy, agony, suicidal, self-effacing elegy which are very idiosyncratic to me, the inspiration of...
