Extinction (Hange x reader)

why me?

When my eyes meet theirs, their expression shifts from a concerned one to an enraged one. "Who did this to you?" They asked harshly as they remove their hands from mine and place one on my face, caressing gently the place where my brother slapped me. Tears keep rolling down my face and I try to answer but my throat is abused from crying and it sounds like a whimper.

At the sound they quickly shift and then they embrace me, warmth floods through me and if anything I cry even harder. Their soft hands rub my back as I clutch my own in their cloak, they whisper sweet things in my ear until eventually my tears stop streaming. I unclaw my hands from her cloak and gently pull away, "thanks, sorry about that," I whisper, my voice raspy and strained.

"Don't be sorry (Y/N), now answer my question dear, who did this to you?" They ask holding my hand in theirs, rubbing soothing circles in the back of it.

"It was my fault, I shouldn't have said anything," I say. "Was it your brother?" They question and I hesitate before nodding my head. I hear her mutter something along the lines of 'that asshole' as they stand up, not before squeezing my hand again.

"Can you wait for me here?" They say gently but before I can respond they barge into Erwin's office. All I can hear from where I sit are muffled screams.

***
After a few seconds, I hear the door opening again. Looking up a very angry-looking Hange exits my brothers office. Their angry look is replaced by a soft smile as they approach me. They held out their hand for me to take and I take it without hesitation.

"What did you tell him?" I ask them as we walk
their hand had released mine and I missed the warmth immediately. I shouldn't fee this way towards them but I can't help it. They are perfect. "Just putting him in his place, don't worry about it doll." They say and I feel my cheeks becoming red at the nickname.

We arrived at my room and they give me a soft smile before whispering a 'goodnight' and leaving me alone in my dark room.

I wanted to ask them to stay but I couldn't, they can't know I like them. Hange is the only person that cares about me, besides Levi, and if they knew I liked them, they would definitely hate me. I lay in my bed , looking at the ceiling, unable to sleep. Thoughts of my past haunt my dreams.

The way my father used to punch me, the belt against my skin when I said I didn't want to marry a man. The feeling of his rough, big hands as he would touch me while tears streamed down my face, telling me that I didn't love boy because I had never been with one.

Tears make their way past my eyes and I try to focus on Hange, their soft smile and honey smell lulls me to sleep.

***
3 days later:

I make my way through the familiar, wet pavement. It's raining once again. Tomorrow we have an expedition, as a section commander I have to attend a meeting tonight. After a few minutes I arrive at my fathers grave, I didn't bring a flower today, if I left one Erwin would've known I was here. That wouldn't be good considering how mad and serious he was when he asked me to not come here again.

I knee in front of the grave, I only come here when it rains because it's empty, quiet and most importantly Erwin hates the rain reassuring me that I will be alone with my father.

"Hey, dad, I am sorry- God I am so sorry," I grip the grass beneath me as I talk to a fucking rock. I giggle at the thought before continuing. "I am ready- ready to forgive you. I just want to forget you ever did those things to me, you know? Can we pretend that never happened? After all only me and you know, right? Theres no way Erwin knew he would've protected me. He would, right?" I say as a couple of tears make their way past my eyes.

I pluck the wet grass and the rain starts falling harder. "I wonder if mom is alive, or if she's with you," I choke out before I start sobbing at the thought of my mother. My head falls to the floor and I grip the grass tighter. Erwin hates me, my dad hated me, does my mom hate me too? Erwin said she did. I love Erwin, I truly do, but my father? I can't say I love that man.

Do I even love Erwin anymore? Is he even Erwin now? He change a lot, he said he hated me. He said my mom hated me, he slapped me for fucks sake.

"I HATE YOU!" I scream sobbing, "I FUCKING HATE YOU, ALL OF YOU! AHHH WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME? WHY?!" I scream at my father, at Erwin and more importantly at myself. "I hate you... so much," I whisper.

***
I am late for the meeting, the rain water drips down the hall as I walk to the meeting room. My cloak heavy on my shoulders and my shoes squeaking on the once dry floors.

I silently open the door and all eyes fall on me, all of the section commanders where already here. I don't dare to look at my brother, too scared to see my father in his eyes. I glance at Hange to see them looking at me with a worried expression, I smile at them reassuringly. Sitting in my usual seat, next to Levi, I look up and see my brothers soft eyes looking at me. Relief floods my senses, relief that he looks like the old Erwin.

"Alright, thats everyone, lets begin," he says as he starts giving us details about formations and different plans for the 57th expedition outside the walls. I pay special attention when he mentions the formations of my squad before drifting away in my thoughts again. 

"Dismissed," he says and I stand up exhausted and ready to sleep. "Levi, Hange and (Y/N), can I have a word?" He says and the three of us stay as the rest of the soldiers exit the room.

"What is it," Levi speaks first after everyone leaves. Erwin starts talking about Eren and his titan form and shit that I don't give a fuck about. I don't really pay attention to most of it, why is he even telling me this? It's usually only Hange and Levi for confidential stuff like this.

"Okay, that it?" Levi asks and when he nods I turn around to leave before hearing his annoying voice one more time. "(Y/N), stay a second," he commands and I look up at Hange, a silent plea to not leave me alone with him. They understand and as Levi exits they stay. "Section commander Hange can you excuse us?" He demands. "I am afraid that won't be possible Erwin," they say and Erwin lets out a deep sigh before speaking.

"Alright then, you are both dismissed, I will talk to you later (Y/N)," he says and we both exit the meeting room.

We walk in a comfortable silence back to the room and I shiver slightly at the coldness, my clothes are still wet. "Cold?" They ask softly snd I nod. "Here take this off," they say as they unbuttoned my cloak and removed it from my shoulders. "Thanks,"

"I will see you tomorrow," Hange says before she turns to leave.

"Wait, before you go-" I say but no words come out after. Hange is now patiently looking at me, waiting for me to continue. I am an idiot! I don't even know what to tell them. "Never mind." I say and they tilt their head slightly to the right their brows furrowed in confusion.

"Everything okay, (Y/N)?" "Y-yeah, I was just- it's nothing," I say and she smiles gently. "Well then, I will see you tomorrow before the expedition, goodnight," "goodnight,"

Why would they even love me back, such a perfect person, they deserve better than me.