Finding Our Way

Anything But Normal

Jill Whelan takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. After a few seconds she knocks again and says, "Bucky."

Bucky hears the knock on the door as Jill calls out his name. He knows he should answer the door but stays where he is sitting on the floor.

Still no response. Jill stands there a few more seconds debating whether she should knock again.

"Bucky, it's Jill. Just a reminder that we need to leave in thirty minutes if we are going to make our flight."

He knows he should be going with her but he just can't. He cannot be there when Steve's shield is retired. And knowing he can't makes him feel like crap. He knows he is letting down Steve, Sam, and Jill.

Still no response. Jill sighs while trying to figure out her next move. She turns and goes back to her apartment. A few minutes later she comes out with her suitcase and plane tickets in hand. She crosses the hall to Bucky's apartment. She bends down and slides Bucky's plane ticket under the door. Giving the door one last look, she turns around and heads to the elevator.

He just stares at the plane ticket like it was going to attack him. He hears the elevator arrive in the hall and then descend to the first floor. He stands up and walks to the window just in time to see Jill get in the cab. The look on her face has him cursing. He walks to his bedroom, changes his clothes, grabs his bag, and walks to the door. He bends down to pick up the plane ticket and takes the stairs down to the first floor and hails his own cab.

Inside her cab, Jill leans her head against the window looking out as the city went by her. She closes her eyes and thinks to herself, "I am so sorry Steve. I am trying to take care of Bucky even though he has shut me out. I don't know how to fix this."

About fifteen minutes after Jill arrives at the airport, Bucky walks in the terminal and sees Jill checking in. She gives one last look around the airport to see if Bucky has shown up. He quickly hides behind a pole before she can see him.

"Fuck", he thinks to himself. "I am an ex-assassin and yet I cannot get this plane."

With that he turns and leaves the airport, hailing a cab to take him back home.

Once the flight is in the air, Jill reaches into her laptop bag and pulls out a letter. She has read this letter at least a hundred times in the last six months. She doesn't need to see the letter to know every word, but seeing his handwriting is comforting.

Dear Jill,

This is the hardest letter I have ever written. I need to apologize for not telling you to your face that I was going to go back to Peggy after I returned all of the stones. I was going to. I even went across the hall to your place but I couldn't make myself go in. I knew if I went in and told you of my plan then I wouldn't go. Not because you would have asked me to stay, but because you would tell me to go. I know you saw how I felt after we saw Peggy back in 1970.

Seven years ago, you took me, Nat, Sam, and Wanda in with no questions asked. You gave us a sanctuary when our world was turned upside down. I can never begin to tell you how thankful I am for that.

When we lost five years ago, I wouldn't have survived if it weren't for you. We were each other's rocks while we drowned in our seas of grief.

I know you are grieving the losses of Nat and Tony and now you are going to be grieving the loss of me. I need you to lean on Sam and Bucky. Let them be your rocks. I cannot be leaving you in the hands of two better men. You three need to take care of each other.

Of course, I am leaving them in the best hands as well, you. They are going to need to lean on you as well.

I am leaving Sam the shield. It is going to be a lot of stress taking up the mantle of Captain America. I know you agree with me that he is the best man for the job. He is also going to have the best team behind him with you and Bucky.