The Crazy Adventure of an Idiot Gone Mad

Look What the Cat Dragged in

I never, EVER thought I'd end up on any sort of whacky adventure, or one one those idiots that gets pulled into some alternate timeline universe shit like some teen fanfic writer's dream. Yet here I am! An idiot that took a tumble into a mysterious pipe, and now I'm stuck in a world full of seemingly endless woods and the far off giggles of what I presume to be Boos.

Well, at least I somewhat recognize this world, although how I have ended up in the oh-so famous Mushroom Kingdom is beyond me. Especially because it's not real- well it's not supposed to be. It's just an old franchise I've been obsessed with since I was thirteen, nothing more. No need to get mad or scream, but I can't help but express my frustration.

"FUCK YOU!" I scream into the gloomy forest surrounding me, "Whatever higher power that's seen fit to trap me in this HELL is going to feel my WRATH when I shove my FOOT UP THEIR ASS!!!"

I kick a tree for good measure, and holler as my toenail bends with the force on my shoe.

"CURSE MY MORTAL BODY- AND VIVA LA FUCK YOU TOO TREE!"

As if this couldn't get worse, I hear a branch snap as I'm waving my middle fingers at the tree. Great, and now I'll probably have to kill something. JUST GREAT.

"Excuse-a me, but are you lost?"

"Oh for the love of- where the ever-loving hell is the nearest and fastest way out of this dimension?"

I whirl, and I sigh as a short man points a very, very nonthreatening hammer at me. Jeez, my memory of the games must be fading if I can't identify him.

"Oh you're- of course you fell into a pipe, didn't you?" He rubs his face, "I'm-a sorry, I've tried to leave too…"

"Well thanks for nothing, err…"

My head begins to ache as I try to recall his name. I know that mustache and hammer- I know of the red clad hero but I simply can't recall anymore.

"You! You're name- quick I can't- I'm supposed to remember!"

He seems impressed that I don't know somehow, but he also looks happy. I guess it's not often someone has to ask for his name.

"I'm-a Mario." He stands up a bit straighter then, but still seems several inches shorter than me. "Let's get you back to town, before you faint or-a something."

Mario. Mario, Mario, Mario. Something about that name calls to me, and something in me sings as I take his outstretched hand.

"Right, thanks, Mario. Sorry for exploding, I was just confused I think."

He hums, and I sigh again as my headache fades out. I shouldn't have been yelling, I mean who knows what creatures I attracted to us. Eugh- for some reason that thought brings the image of a huge segmented worm to my mind, and I try not to heave.

"Don't worry, Toad Town is only-a few minutes away, and I wouldn't be surprised if someone heard your ruckus."

A few minutes is good, that means nothing will have time to get us, and surely if it did Mario could find it off. He seems quite confident with that hammer of his.

Hmm, there's nothing much to look at in these woods but oh! Someone's bag is discarded.

"Wait a goddamn minute- I thought I lost my bag oh my goodness."

"Well, how-a convenient." Mario chuckles, "go ahead, make sure everything's intact so we don't have to be out-a here much longer. The Boo's come out at night."

"Oh my sketchbook- my sweet sketch stuff. The only thing I can't find is my phone."

I frown, but Mario shrugs and waves for me to keep walking.