MY OTHER HALF-DIARY

Who says love someone is easy?

my brother came to me and ask me.

"do you want a boyfriend?"

I look into his eyes and say 'no'

he never understands how complicated my life has been..he won't understand what I want...

then my brother says

 "why not? my friends want to get to know you...he maybe likes you.."

I paused for a moment..and suddenly I remembered my ex-love... it's hard to forget, but still... let myself fall deeper into the shadow that the person let me fall... I won't and never can stand still...I wonder if that person realizes that I cant still forget him...I wonder if he knows that I am not the type who 'love and forget' easily...I miss him.

then my brother continue,

"Why don't you give my friends a chance?".

I keep quiet and looking in the other direction.

No, I can't give my heart to anyone else. I don't want anyone else..what if my brother's friend has someone who waiting on him and what more worst, he doesn't realize it? what if I hurt that girl's heart?

but,

how I can think something like that? I might be too aware, but I'm trying to take care of everyone's hearts.

and because I am too careful,

I am always in between my friend's love... every time, ...every time I fall or likes the person, the person will use me to get my friends..now, I am feeling used already.

I am human too, stop using me as a road to get to know my friends...  my heart hurts so bad when I know the truth...

who says love someone that you never plan is easy?

I wonder if there is person out there who can make my heart heal..and I know God already plan that person is suitable with me and forever love me...and I'm always waiting...