Never Have I Ever: Season 3

Part 2

He pretends to turn to return to his car to go home... but he pounders on an inkling of a feeling... Devi was not ready for him to go... not just yet...
When she needed him, he wouldnt hesitate to be there... no way were he also planning on missing her performance either... so he stays...
He finds himself minutes later, searching for a spot amongst all the other people, finding a seat at the very back of the auditorium, hidden from sight... he hadnt been sure she would have been prepared to have him watch her perform... so he would rather stay hidden.

He were very excited to watch her though... play her harp... but he also felt slightly anxious for her too.
As he waits on, he spots as Nalini and Kamala take their seats closer to the front. His heart beats anxiously as his eyes come across the stage and the band members walk on... and then he sees her... his heart wants to stop... he leans closer in his seat to get a better glimpse, elbows on knees, hands perching up his chin... she puts on a smile, wears a brave face. He could see she had been trying.
But Ben begins to notice as she becomes alittle apprehensive... alittle timid... tired... his heart wants to dive...

"Come on Devi... you got this", he whispers quietly to himself, words of encouragement she could not hear, but how he wish she could.
He begins to wonders if he should have said more... that he could have given her more of him whilst he had her under his umbrella... he beats himself over this, and feels his heart wanting nothing more than to wallow as he watches her as she seems to struggle on stage, dropping her bow... awkwardly bending to pick it up.
As she looks up, her eyes gently trace the crowd, finding her mother and Kamala first, sitting there, and she lightly smiles their way...

As his eyes find Nalini again, he wonders how she had expected Devi to be ok to be on stage so soon... expected her to put on a face and pretend it would all be ok... push on..
It may have seemed bitter of him, but he wonders his eyes over Devi and can feel her pain... because he had felt it permeating from her when he had held her close under his umbrella under the rain...
But ok, Nalini had been a force to get Devi to take those brave steps forward... to push on, to stengthen herself, and not fall behind.
But Ben thinks Devi needed more than that... she needed more than just to be pushed... she needed to be comforted, guided... to be held and told that everything would be ok... she needed to face and talk about how she had felt, express them and let them all out... free herself of these feelings coiled deep inside. He also knew she needed to know that she were never alone... god, he knows exactly how that feels...

God, the weight in her eyes... it were breaking him...
"Fuck, she's not ready." He thinks aloud.
As she takes a seat with her harp, her gaze then comes across where her dad had last been seated... and that is the last straw... she instantly freezes... something else overcoming her, overtaking her eyes... darkening them... darkening with pain. She cant move...

Mr. Chang instructs everyone to remain seated, and takes his position.
The cello begins to play softly, followed by the dancing sounds of the violinists a few seconds later... and Devi... Devi still motionless... still froozen in time. Her hands clamping that bow like it were her life line... A darkened glaze over her face... a vagueness dormant in her eyes... she had surcome to whatever were filling her with pain.
"God, Devi." Ben whimpers to himself, feeling his heart breaking in his chest. He cant just continue to look on... he can't look on anymore... he can't sit there and not just do anything... He cant just sit there and watch on as she falls apart on stage like this... as she falls to pieces...
Her eyes gaunt, desolate and all life draining from her once glowing face.

Roaming his eyes about, peeping over some heads, his eyes come across a vacant seat up the front. Ben hadn't wanted to be seen, only wanting to watch her play, but he knew he needed to do something more. He didn't want to cause any scene, he didnt want to interrupt their performance... but Devi needed him... she needed to be drawn out of whatever dark thoughts were consuming her on stage... thoughts that seemed to be haunting her... thoughts that seemed to paralyse her on spot...

If there was something he could do... to be brave and help... was to help draw her out of these thoughts that were overtaking her mind... and he needed her to look at him... needed him to catch her attention... remind her how much she were not alone... something Ben knew all to well about... feeling alone... like you are desparate for someone to listen, but your voice is buffered out... hollow, and no one hears... as though you were drowning, but you have no hand helping to lift you up...

His heart races, and he takes in some long deep breaths... he can do this...
Then he lifts himself off his chair... onto his feet.
And his on his feet... As much as his heart thumps terribly in his chest... in his ears... through his veins... his on his feet, walking down the isle slowly, timidly. Making his way to that vacant chair.

An elderly lady with bright red hair gasps at him, horrified... because apparently he had been making a disruption to that ladies granddaughter's performance. He knew he were the only one standing tall on his feet, easily seen, easily spotted...right in the centre of the auditorium, whilst everybody else had been seated as had been expected.
Ben can only offer her a guilty awkward smile, he wasnt here for anyone but Devi, and so he continues on plodding down the isle slowly toward that vacant chair. His taking his time because he wants Devi to notice, but her gaze remains transfixed to her father last seat...
It pulls him more attention as he clears his throat loudly, hoping she would break her gaze away and find him...
Her thoughts... they were deeply buried... they were not finding their way to him...

The other students on stage play on, giving him sidelong disapproving glances as he continues plodding down, slowly and now loudly, trying to pull Devi's eyes onto him. His heart wishes nothing more than for her to just look at him... to grab her attention... to get her eyes to explore their way to him...

For a second, Ben captures as Eric glowers at him as he puts his tuba aside, then proceeds to mouth him insanities from on stage whilst having a break from his tuba. Ben ignores this easily with a shrug, and drifts his gaze back to Devi.
He needs her to look at him. He needs her to see that she's... she's not alone...
A man stands to his feet sternly.
"Could you please, please take a seat son! Find your place and take a seat, young sir! The perfomance has already started and your being disruptive!"
And from there starts a commotion when Devi's mother turns to the man, and a woman from a row infront decides to get in... Ben feels himself flush with some worry when he realises all these eyes angerily glaring at him directly... looking at him like they could try to take him down... looking like he were being loathed with a passion... looking at him... looking at him... was Devi. Her eyes bright... her eyes glistening... nothing but suprise and awe in them... until that smile... that little smile so pure and luminous that begins to transpire on her face... a smile that made his heart flutter... then explode with joy as her smile grows... her eyes smile at him... he couldn't have wanted more...
He ignores the commotion around him, beaming a bright smile, making her smile transform into something so beautiful... life glowing back into her face.
He navigates himself to a chair, eyes never leaving hers, then takes a seat. Hers never leaving his... she doesn't look back to her father's seat... she feels the comfort in Ben's gaze... Ben's smile...

"Please Mr. Chang! Can we continue on." Eric yells from on stage, impatiently.
The whole performance... Devi stays mostly fixated on Ben, curiously... wondering over him...
How he had been there... waited to watch her play... and how had he seen her hurt like she had felt no one else had...
How had he seen her heart bleeding and crying for help?
How had he seemed to known her heart so well... he seemed to know more of it then she thinks she knew herself..
His smile right now... was all she needed to help her get through her performance... his smile like a fortress, keeping out all the old memories that had been haunting her...
He watches as she blushes infront of him... and he wishes he could read her mind. But all he knew, was Devi had looked happy... and she had glowed on stage.
And this was all he knew he needed to know... she felt happy and safe.