nine thousand miles | cazzie

twenty two

It was still bright outside when I reached the hotel but everything around me felt dark. It felt as if my body didn't belong to me anymore and it felt like a heavy weight I was just dragging around. The entire car ride, I focussed on my breathing that seemed to rapidly be getting out of control by the minute and kept fidgeting with my hands, hopelessly attempting to get rid of the sick images in my head.

How could he just do that and think it's okay?

I didn't know what to do. All I wanted right now was Casey. I needed to feel her warmth against me and I needed to look into her eyes for any reassurance. I dragged my feet to the hotel lobby, feeling myself shiver once in a while.

When I entered the lift, I looked at the lift buttons and fumbled my fingers over them, suddenly forgetting about where I wanted to go. "Casey's at level 2," I said to myself and right before I could press the button, someone rushed into the lift with me.

It took me a while to process that it was Erika who was looking at me in shock. "Izzie?! Back so soon? I thought you were with Jarvis."

The sound of his name brought me back to just 20 minutes ago and I felt myself struggling to breathe. Erika must have noticed my distressed state because her face immediately washed over with concern. "Hey are you okay?"

"Um... I... something happened..."

Erika's concern now switched to fear. "What happened?" She slowly asked.

"I... um..."

I closed my eyes, quickly considering all the consequences if I told anyone about this.

"I... felt kinda sick when he was tutoring me. So he told me to go home..."

"Well then you need some rest," She said, pressing the button to our level. "I wanted to go see Casey," I told her. "She isn't here. She's out on a run," She told me and I nodded, silently cursing her for not being around when I needed her the most.

"Do you want some food or anything? Or a pain killer?" Erika asked, when we entered the room. I shook my head no and plopped on the bed. "Dude you look horrible. You don't wanna see a doctor or something?" She asked again and I simply groaned.

"Yeah I'm asking Casey to pick up some medicine or something," She said, whipping out her phone. I was too tired to protest.

I heard a notification on my phone and I scrambled around the bed to find it.

Casey<3: What are you feeling?

"I don't know. Sick."

Casey<3: Go wait in my room, I'll be back soon

I sighed before struggling to get off the bed. "I'm going to Casey's room," I mumbled to Erika, not waiting for her reply, before I left.

When I reached Casey's room, I felt a little comfort wash over me, knowing that she would be here soon. Hopefully by then all those scary images would be out of my head.

I sat on her bed, hugging my knees to my chest. The silence made me uncomfortable and I was afraid to be with my own thoughts. When my phone lit up, I immediately went to reach for it, hoping it was Casey.

Unknown: I can't stop thinking about you

Unknown: I want you so bad

I threw my phone across the room, not caring about where it landed. I clutched onto the hair on my scalp and closed my eyes, my lips quivering.

Right when I was about to break down, the door swung open and I moved back in shock. Casey stood there with a bag, looking at me in confusion. "You're awfully jumpy today," She commented, setting the bag down on the bed.