nine thousand miles | cazzie

five

I heard her call my name. But I didn't turn around. I wanted to get away from her.

"Izzie!" I heard her yell but she didn't seem too desperate to come after me.

"Fuck off!" I turned around and yelled back to her. She stood rooted to the ground, breathing heavily.

Why was I angry? I don't know. We're not together.

But she's mine.

"Izzie come on! Let's just talk!" She shouted back. I didn't turn around to look at her. Looking at her made me weak.

So I turned the corner and ran all the way down the stairs.

It was getting dark. I knew it wasn't safe to go out into an unknown city at this hour but I couldn't stand to be in the hotel anymore. My phone rang multiple times but I switched it off, not bothering to look to see who it was.

I pushed the doors open and walked out, the cold air instantly hitting my skin. I froze up and my hands immediately went into my pockets. I had left my jacket in the room and now I was on the verge of a frostbite.

The area didn't seem as welcoming as it did in the morning. It was pretty secluded with only a few strangers loitering around and smoking. But I was used to a scene like this back at home.

Why did I even come on this trip? Why did I even go to that stupid party? If I hadn't met Casey none of this would have happened.

As I walked further, I saw the haunted house that Casey and I had gone to and my mind drifted back to that day. The way she held me, the way she looked at me... the fluttery feeling in my heart.

I've never gotten that feeling before. And definitely not with a man.

The thing that was killing me the most is that I have absolutely no right to be mad at her. But I am. And I can't control that. I led her on and then completely ignored her the entire day. If she wants to have sex with someone else, that it completely her decision and I can't say anything about that.

But I want her to want only me. It's such a toxic mindset but I can't bare the thought of her with someone else. It made me sick to my stomach.

Thankfully, I had reached a place that seemed more vibrant and had more people. I saw a bar and immediately made a beeline for it. "Sorry kid, you're underaged," The bartender said, looking at me. He then noticed the running mascara down my face and the dead look in my eyes. "Maybe one glass will do the trick," He finally agreed before sliding a free mug of beer towards me.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked.

"I really don't."

"Alright."

When he walked away, I bent my head down as the high of the alcohol rushing through my brain. Casey was still on my mind but I felt my body start to relax a little. I begged the bartender for another glass and he agreed after much persuasion.

"Hi," A familiar voice spoke and my eyes widened in shock.

I turned around and saw Nate standing there, a beer bottle in his hand. I took a while to process the fact that he was there before cracking a smile, embarrassed that he had seen me in this state. "Crazy that we saw each other this morning and now we bump into each other again," He laughed, sitting down next to me. "You didn't reply any of my texts," He said nervously and I looked at him apologetically. "Sorry about that. My phone's been off," I told him and he smiled before nodding. "Let me get you another drink," He said, giving the bartender some cash.

I turned my phone on and saw tons of notifications from Erika and Casey.

Erika: Where the hell are you