nine thousand miles | cazzie

seven

I sat on my room, legs crossed. Erika and Quinn sat opposite me and none of us said a word. I had begged Erika and Quinn to follow me to find Casey but Quinn told me that wasn't a good idea. She said that Casey usually would go running to clear her head and there was no use in going out to find her. "You just gotta let her come to you," Quinn told me.

It was hard to not dash out of the room and go look for her. I wanted to tell her that it was okay. And that whatever she was feeling is okay.

Because I feel the exact same way too.

We heard a knock on the door and I jumped up to go open it, hoping to see Casey. When I saw Vice Principal Patrick, I groaned.

"Didn't know I was such a pain to be around Ms Taylor," He said and I looked at him apologetically. "Casey's not in her room and her mum called me to give her a message. I was hoping she would be in here," He told us and I looked at Erika and Quinn nervously. "Uhhh... she's in the bathroom," I said, hoping he wouldn't notice that the bathroom lights were turned off. "Hmmm..." He hummed, a suspicious look on his face. I remembered him telling Casey she wasn't allowed to leave the hotel room and if he found out she had left he would for sure kick her off the trip.

"Well tell her to call her mum back," He ended before closing the door. We heaved a sigh of relief, thankful that he believed our lie. "Did Casey reply yet?" I asked Quinn and she shook her head no. "I stopped trying after the 17th text," She sighed.

I bent my head down and pursed my lips, trying to control my tears. "Hey, she's gonna be okay," Erika said, standing up to hug me. "This is not your fault at all Izzie. It's just her own way of dealing with her emotions. Trust me I know. Every time something at home happens she always takes off running," Quinn explained.

"I know I just... I hope she's alright..." I mumbled.

"Guys do you mind if... I stay alone in the room tonight? I just... need some space..." I told them and they nodded.

"Yeah definitely. Erika you can sleep with me tonight," Quinn told Erika and I swear I saw a blush form on her face. "Yeah... yeah of course. I'll see you tomorrow morning Izzie," Erika said.

They both walked out of my room and once I closed the door behind them I felt the silence radiate through the room. I leaned against the door and looked up at the ceiling.

Casey's tear-stained face and the way she was shaking while opening up to me was all that was on my mind.

I looked at the mini fridge and then saw the jacuzzi at the corner of the room and got an idea. I walked to the fridge and saw the pack of beer cans that Casey and Quinn had bought and my mind raced back to the night when I challenged her to a chugging contest. And the way she cared so much when I got slurry from the beer.

I grabbed a can from the fridge and walked over to my suitcase. I had packed a bikini after much convincing from Erika. I thought it was stupid but she kept telling me about Australia's amazing beaches and how we couldn't leave before visiting one. Thank God I listened to her. I didn't think I would be using the jacuzzi at all.

I put on my bikini and opened the can of beer, taking a large sip from it. I hissed as the alcohol hit my brain but it felt so, so good.

I dipped my toes into the warm water and soon, I submerged my entire body into the water. I sighed as I felt all the tension leave my body. I felt imprisoned in the room considering the fact that Quinn and Erika had basically banned me from going out to look for Casey but right now I felt free.

Just me and my thoughts.

After about 30 minutes, I heard the front door creak open and I whipped my head around.

There she was.

She came back.

"You left your door unlocked. That's not safe," was the first thing she told me. I was about to get up and run to her but she stopped me. "No, stay there."

"I'll come to you," She whispered, walking towards me. I didn't know what to say to her. But my eyes never left hers. And hers never left mine.

She took off her shirt and was left in shorts and a sports bra. I watched her as she slowly climbed into the jacuzzi with me.

"Sorry for running off," She whispered. We were at opposite corners of the jacuzzi. The city skyline overlooked us.

"It's okay. I was just worried," I replied and she nodded. "Um... so about what I said... we don't need to talk about it," She told me and I moved closer to her.

"I want to," I said and she looked up at me. "Casey... everything you told me... it obviously took me by surprise..." I started and I saw worry instantly fill her face.

"But... I get it. And the reason I get it is because..."

I was so scared about what I was going to say next and I knew she was too.

"It's the same way I feel about you."

At that moment, I saw all the tension that had been on her face the past couple of days disappear instantly.

"And I don't know what any of this means. And I don't know who I am but... I want you to be part of who I am..."

She moved closer to me.

It was just me, her and the moon.

"It's scary. We're both girls and it's scary. But I feel okay knowing I'm going through it with you."

My eyes lingered down to her lips and all I wanted to do was kiss her.

I moved forward and our lips were so close. I felt her nervous breathing on my lips as I closed my eyes. I knew that this was a defining moment. That from here on, I will be hers and she would be mine.

But not everything is a like a movie.

Not everything goes according to plan.

And the world is unfair.

"We can't..." She whispered against my lips. At that moment, the state of euphoria that I was in immediately disappeared. Reality came back.

I moved away from her back to the corner of the jacuzzi. She looked at me as if trying to read the expression on my face.

"Izzie... I can't hurt you..." She mumbled, this time moving closer to me. "I want to do it so bad. Oh God, you have no idea how much I wanna kiss you," She told me, her eyes moving between my eyes and my lips.

"Once I kiss you, my entire world is going to revolve around you. And if I ever do anything to mess that up I will hate myself for it."

"We're not meant to be perfect. We're just meant to be," I told her. "You're like gold. I'm so scared of messing this up," She mumbled.

"I'm still trying to figure you out," Casey said and I looked at her up and down.

"We should go to bed..." I whispered. "Quinn and Erika are sleeping in your room so... you can stay here if you want. I'll sleep on the couch..." I said, standing up to leave the jacuzzi.

She stared at me as I walked away from her. Once, I closed the bathroom door behind me, I broke down.

A/N super short chapter but im loving the angst and slowburn