filling in canon: sge oneshots

i am not a robot

The Royal Palace of Jaunt Jolie was like being inside a giant fondant fancy, if the giant fondant fancy was in the oven, and everyone was in the oven, and the oven was in the desert, in direct sunlight.

And the fondant fancy sang.

That was to say, it was a godforsaken nightmare.

Agatha had arrived ten minutes ago, and she had already decided she was never going to complain about Camelot again. She was also trying to work out how to cut their visit short, though currently she was not coming up with any good ideas. Maybe she should poison herself? Pass out? Fake an assassination attempt? They all sounded like too much effort in this heat.

Technically, she had visited Jaunt Jolie before, but she had been a bit busy worrying about dying, and had only really noticed that there were lots of hydrangeas, because Sophie had complained. Now, she had lots more time to... appreciate the decor? She wasn't sure appreciate was the right word. There were lots of smarmy portraits, elaborate tapestries, flowers, and not a whole lot else.

Already sweating in her court gown, Agatha grimaced and tried to find something to distract her from both the temperature and the singing walls, which burst into a pitchy rendition of the anthem every time they were disturbed-- Tipple Top, Joy and Jaunt, Come and be Jolie!. Agatha wasn't sure how the people who lived here hadn't gone insane yet. Maybe they had. It would explain the colour palette.

Sighing, she leant to the side and pried her glove off, sticking her hand under the crystalline waterfall to their right--

"Agatha." hissed Beatrix from just behind her. "Don't stick your hand in the sacred fountain of Saint Sofia. It's not a water park."

"Oh, that's what--" Agatha snatched her hand out of the spray of water. "Whoops. I thought it was just like, a fancy fountain thingy--"

"I used to think you did these stupid things on purpose." muttered Beatrix. "I'm now less sure."

"I thought it was just some ridiculous extra indulgence." admitted Agatha.

"Clearly." Beatrix said thinly.

Agatha shot her a dirty look, but hastily wiped her hand on the back of her skirt and pulled her glove back on, trying to look innocent as the throne room doors were heaved open for them. Beatrix had been very snippy with her today, though Agatha wasn't sure why. She was sitting pretty on her new position as Tedros's liege, and Jaunt Jolie was her home kingdom, so it wasn't as if she had much reason to be annoyed. Perhaps she was worried Agatha was going to embarrass her in front of her family and friends. It wasn't exactly unlikely.

Not for the first time, she wished Tisiphone had deigned to come with them on this trip, but her Chief of Staff had refused the second it was pitched. She had claimed her title meant she needed to remain in Camelot, since Tedros was in Hamelin for a council and Agatha in Jaunt Jolie, but Agatha was fairly sure she just didn't want to come. Looking around, it was unsurprising; her Never cousin, the daughter of one of Callis's sisters, would have stood out like an inkblot on a white dress against all this pastel yellow and pink. Agatha also doubted she would have made a great impression on Queen Jacinda, since she tended not to emote, and she was directly descended from one of the most infamous Never lines in the Woods. So was Agatha, but since she was an Ever and a Reader, it cancelled out--

Agatha noticed the footmen gesturing for them to move forwards and hurried to do so, cursing herself for getting distracted. She could practically hear Beatrix's eye-roll.

They were announced into the cavernous throne room by a footman with a thin, reedy voice, who looked far too hot in his pink and yellow livery;

"Agatha Pendragon, Queen of Camelot, and Beatrix Rotunda, Dame-Commander!"