Cognitive Deviance

65. Unexpected Origins

June 23, 2045 - 1:15 PM

The unknown is something to learn, not to fear, rang Kusanagi's words through Margo's mind.

Her self-driving car halted in a parking spot by the entrance to Psychwatch's headquarters. The session wasn't until 1:45. There was no reason for her to be there so early, she thought. A part of her had forgotten she'd even set foot in the car. Maybe the car drove me, she thought. That doesn't make any damn sense.

She looked down at her pillbox, the screen reading 21 hours, 36 minutes, 3 seconds. She wished she'd taken them early in the morning when Ellie stood before her bed, hands behind her back, glassy eyes peering into her soul. It was a chore to wait for sleep to take over, what with the hallucination christening her with every curse in the English language. And by the time her eyes slid shut, the alarm went off ten minutes later. Maybe even less than that.

"Would you like to exit the car?" said her car's AI.

"Not yet," she rasped, and she reclined into her seat.

She pondered the last two sessions she had with Kusanagi, the sights she witnessed on the way to the SafeSpace. Royce planted in the same chair, sporting the same contrite look. Andrade in her work uniform, diverting her eyes away from Margo by studying her cybernetic arm, watching the fingers coil and uncoil. Other coworkers like Carl, Holden, and Nikki, watching from a distance but reluctant to approach her. She felt like Medusa, rendering innocents hollow and still just by glimpsing them. Did they fear her? Pity her? Some mixture of both? Something else?

Only focus on what rests upon the surface, Kusanagi told her. Don't let your mind wander toward negative thoughts.

They're looking at me, Margo thought when trekking down the halls those days, surveyed by the eyes of her coworkers. That's all there is to it. They're just looking. Why wouldn't they look? It's just an acknowledgment that I exist.

Margo stepped out of her car, her head feeling twenty pounds heavier.

Marching toward the entrance to Psychwatch, the soles of her shoes scraping against the parking lot pavement beneath her, Margo told herself she'd talk to someone other than Kusanagi or Royce before the meeting began. Anything to redirect the stares. But who to talk to first? Carl? Holden? Nikki? Or maybe even...Andrade or Mason?

Absolutely not, she thought, wincing. Not that I'd even have the choice of not talking to Mason or Andrade.

The doors parted ways for her, and she stepped inside. Psychwatch HQ. She cringed at the memory of the former days when she surged with excitement upon entering the building, thinking she'd make a difference in the world all with a smile on her face. Patients would bring her their pain, and she'd take it all away and eradicate it from existence. None of it would infect her. Nothing would scratch her or claw at her or resound through her very soul.

Looks like you were detached from the beginning, Margo thought.

And thus began the stares. They didn't remain as long as previous days, Margo thought. That day, it was just momentary glances, looks that read, "Oh, there she is. Right on cue. Glad she hasn't freaked out anymore. That was embarrassing."

Surface level. Stay on the goddamn surface level, you idiot!

Hmmmm, then...what do I see? I see the halls with the silver lights on them. The bathrooms. That vending machine with the sparkling waters Carl and Holden really like. The SanityScans positioned on the wall, about thirty steps between each other.

The SanityScans! Holy shit...they're always watching me...

Indeed, she could never look at them the same way without her ThoughtControl piece, without her uniform, deprived of that which garnered some respect from her higher-ups and elicited the fear of any other person she'd come across. She was a Threat Level 3 last she heard, yet she didn't hurt anyone too severely. But shrieking at the commissioner, pummeling the wall with her bare hands, brandishing a gun at nothing? That's what got her on the list, as it would've done for anyone else.