a part of me

17

Relationships between humans in general and love ones in particular always present this  pattern that twist to ugly when the frontiers between lust and love become heavier showing the ugly that was hide within the person but that was made invisible by the fresh bond that reunited them.

She once thought she was in love letting the other walk on her until leaving her an image of what despair, a zombie, that never missed to make her shiver whenever that image of her pop in her head, making her certain of the fact that she never wants to see that ever again in her life.

She could make the difference now that she had the true love she always wanted, seek and need. It felt so right, there were no effort to do, it just click right on the puzzle of her heart.

To think someone is the good one is a totally different thing than to know with the knowledge of the heart. It is something written in the soul creating a synchronize relationship with the others where you don't have to speak a desire that the other already manifest it.

In her previous engagement it was like that in the beginning but things started to change as soon as she had her first child then it became worse as they were growing, making theirs life a living hell.

She never imagined herself to be that fragile woman, it never crossed her mind being the extrovert she was back then, but with her reputation she couldn't bring it out there. Fear? Shame? A mixture of both perhaps or the lies that was been fed to her mind, degrading her day by day?

She felt stuck in w dark place thinking a had to stay in that relationship for her kids, thinking it was the best she could do for them, when the only thing they wanted was for her to be at peace and one day experience truth happiness.

That her oldest child told her one day tired to see her beaten up by their father.

Rolling her tongue in her mouth she breathed out her palm feeling the leg under the delicate fabric that covered the one her heart had choice the moment she saw her in the lobby of her office, she just knew she needed her by her side which she did at the end.

Sitting on the edge of the mattress eyes lost in the sleepy beauty that was laying in front of her Addison marveled at how lucky she was to have her in her life.

She knew how much her baby love her, it wasn't a secret, not for her or someone else, it was visible in how protective she would get everytime she thought she was in danger. At how she looked at her.

Those times she could move mountains only to keep her safe, or everytime she would wake up at night feeling her gaze on her a soft hand place on her heart to feel her heartbeat, in those moments which happens almost every night Addison was addicted to.

She felt valuated, important, she felt worthy of life, then there are no pretence, no lies, those moment Whitney showed her feeling in a rawness that never fail to bring tears to her heart and eyes, one of joy.

Caressing her flawless face, she tenderly smiled when instinctively her partner head followed her move nesting her head in her hand tension left her face immediately making her look like the angel she was all the time.

Scooting close of her she sat near her back on the headboard of their massive bed, as soon as she positioned herself , the small warmth body nestled on her like she was awake, while it was a thing between them, whenever one will wake up to read they always found themselves in that position.

A small laugh escaped Addison mouth at how she started to purr like a cat the moment her fingers started massaging her scalp. It was always a peaceful moment, blissful even.

Her body started to become heavier on her signaling that she was completely out in some dreamland. Seeing her lips moved like she was trying to said something, Addison leaned at her level her ear near her lips just to hear a feint "love you."

That she could have missed but that made a single tear escaped her eyes landing on her lover cheek, her trembling hand immediately wiped it away, while her eyes couldn't let go of her face, her heart was all over the place, goosebumps spreading all over her body...

Unable to hold it any longer, she started weeping silently her head leaning backward on the headboard to not have the tears falling down on her lover, holding her on her like the most treasurable thing she had on those Earth.

Only God  knew how much, Whitney showing in her life save her from the dark pit where she thought she would have died from loneliness, to the point where she felt nothing anymore, growing colder to her children day after day, someday she asked herself what was going on, why her life was like that? Why she couldn't just be like everyone else?

Then a small brunette came in her life one day changing it all, placing everything at its place. Mending her relationship with her children, never asking anything in return but a true and passionate love.

She fit her in so many ways, there were moment she thought that she couldn't be real, that it was a dream. In fact in this very moment she had her in her arms it still felt surreal, that after what happened she still love her wasn't from this world.

They had the same hobbies and it wasn't even fake, they could stay in bed reading or discussing for hours without it being awkward, in the study or at work, everything was so easy with her, in low and high pick of her life Whitney love was her rock.

At some point she knew she could have taken advantage of her but never did. She knew whatever she could asked her to do for her she would have done it and for that she was thankful.

Once she remembered she wanted to make her the one that would inherit of her money after her death, but she had convinced her, after much arguments a lot of cold days between them for days that she could only accept it if it started counting from that day, everything before her belong to her children, even they still have most of it with her. She even finished by saying that since Addison would still have time to live that wasn't a problem to discuss.

That was years ago, but through the years Addison had to admit it what she accepted then was still there nagging her to a point where a small thing made it erupted to something that could have taken her away from her which was not something she was okay with.

Whitney love was pure, not spoiled by any form of ego, she saw how she was taking care of a family she could have let down or ejected off her life. Her family could always count on her even though she never go there anymore she still care, that invalidate what she now thinking back at it, accused her of doing.

Addison felt ashamed of herself, tears kept falling making her feel freer like a raging sky pouring an overflow of rain.

All the money that was used to her family came from Addison account, she knew it, it was never a secret guilt started growing in her mixed with shame.

What she did was just not her.
She had already saw how she reacted to violence, coming from her it was not acceptable, at all. Kissing her forehead she let her lips lingered there thinking of way to mend herself when she will be up and herself again.

It had already be two day that she would come out of her unconsciousness going back there after eating, never did she uttered a word.

Her family doctor came to see her, saying the same thing as her daughter, to leave her time plus it was a mechanism she always used to decompress when feeling overwhelmed by a situation, or what she did first take a walk.

Tired by all the memories, Addison laid near her securing her in her arms just happy to have her there with her, breathing the same air.

"I love you so much you can't even imagine. My God do I love you, you are my Sunshine love, my Sunshine. My soulmate. I love you so much it hurt."

Kissing her forehead repeatedly she mumbled before drifting in a slumber herself even if the day was just begining it didn't matter for her all that counts was to be there together, after facing hell everything with her was paradise.