Artemis Fowl: Wreaking Havoc

16. Before a Sunset

This is the official ending of Wreaking Havoc, not including the epilogue. So sad :'(. Therefore, I have made this chapter long(er than usual).

"Fanks fo invitin' me to this celebration dinner," said Mulch Diggums, only his rear end visible as he sifted through the pantry, stuffing high-calorie food down his gluttonous gullet. "Y'know, I never knew you 'ad it in you." He backed out of food paradise, seemingly oblivious to the stares he was receiving from Butler, Holly, Foaly, N°1, Trouble and all his LEP officers. ""Y'know"," he said, "Being"generous" and all. Kind." At last, he managed to swallow the food in his mouth without another truckload entering, leaving it mercifully empty. 

"Yes, well," said Artemis, unsure of what to say, "Are you planning on joining us at the table to eat in a civilised way anytime soon?" 

Mulch tutted, joining the others. "Alright, maybe I spoke to soon." He sat down on the Artemis's left with a theatrical sigh, the chair creaking loudly. "So, tell us exactly how you managed to kill two birds with one stone," he said. He stared at the fruit salad in front of him in disgust. "And I never ordered this. I want a refund." 

"You'll eat that all before you have steak," said Artemis, very much like a mother. "You're getting plump. And anyway, don't you want to eat some more later on tonight, at the celebration party?" 

Foaly snickered. "Yeah, dwarf," he said. "You won't be able to fit into anything. Your criminal days are over if you get a pot-belly." 

"Speak for yourself, centaur," said Mulch, patting his protruding stomach lovingly. "For your information, I happen to be exceptionally proud of this baby. It's helped me more than once when I needed a soft landing." 

Foaly gagged and turned to his food. 

""Anyway"," said Mulch, shooting the centaur a nasty look, "You didn't answer my question, Arty. And I only plan to stick around another hour for that party"only if" there's pasta." 

"Don't call me that," Artemis said automatically. An evil glint shone in Mulch's tawny eyes. 

"What, so "I" can't say it, your special, irreplaceable, fantastic, devilishly handsome friend, but "Holly", an officer of the LEP who if I must remind you was kidnapped by "you", can?" 

Artemis's mouth opened slightly, wordless for once. He slowly turned his head to his right, where Holly sat looking very flustered. 

"I - that's none of your business, Mulch!" she said. "As much as I like you, I'm going to blast you with my Neutrino if something as suggestive as that ever leaves that mouth of yours again." 

The table fell into silence, broken only by a giggle from one of the LEP officers. 

"Shut up, Grub!" said Holly, her brows angled downwards threateningly. Grub gulped, silenced. 

Artemis decided that an intellectually superior person - or genius, more like - should break the silence this time, i.e., him. 

"About your question," he said, regaining composure and carefully cutting off a corner of his steak. "I'm assuming, naturally, that you are talking about the Rebel Group and the exiled fairy, Bay. Yes, it was quite ingenious, if I do say so myself." He paused to eat the chunk of meat, chewing leisurely. He wasn't sure, but he thought Holly muttered something about modesty. "Well, I used N°1's warlock magic to travel through a time tunnel, going forwards in time." 

There were gasps from all around the table, especially from the LEP officers. 

""Fowl"!" exclaimed Trouble, rising to his feet. "That - that is unacceptable! You cannot just decide to -"