Artemis Fowl: Wreaking Havoc

4. Rib-Cracking Fun

Commander Trouble Kelp paced the conference room, checking the time every few minutes. Where was Foaly? The blasted centaur probably thought appearing fashionably late to something as important as this was impressive and amusing. It was neither.

“Commander,” said a burly elf. With the LEPrecon uniform straining tightly at stocky limbs and an earring hole that was rumoured to have been a bullet just missing his face, General York was gifted in the area of interrogating criminals - they tended to take one look at him and pour their mouths out.

Commander Kelp grunted rather unprofessionally.

“I think we could continue without the technician for the moment.” York's voice was uncharacteristically soft and high for such a formidable body.

“We'll wait, General –”

The oak doors were flung open, narrowly missing Kelp. He stumbled backwards and was reaching for his Neutrino before he realised who it was.

“Artemis Fowl,” he said, not very kindly. To be quite honest, the Mud Man wasn’t the most favourite of his kind. “What on earth-”

Artemis gave an inattentive sort of nod as greetings, seemingly oblivious to the dozens of staring eyes around the conference room. “Kelp, something fairly odd has happened less than twenty minutes ago.”

“Where – how – how did you get here?” Kelp snapped, bristling. Was this Mud Man getting through the finest of LEP technology with as much ease as a stink worm bathing in troll dung?

“I managed to contact Foaly, and he lifted security briefly, but I couldn’t get through to you,” said Artemis. “I think I may have held him up in attending this conference. He should be here soon.” Realising where he was, he straightened his suit and nodded at the council. “I feel rather apologetic for interrupting this conference, by the way,” he said, trying to look sincere.

“It hadn’t even started,” muttered Kelp, despairing at how bad his day was going. But being the Commander he was, he took things in his stride. “Well, my communicator is certainly working,” he said, tapping the LED screen of his watch-like contraption. “The red connector light is blinking, indicating that I am in –” His voice trailed off as he stared harder at the screen. There was a moment of silence in which Butler glared suspiciously at everyone around the conference table and Artemis tugged a little at his tie.

“D’Arvit,” growled the Commander. “York!” he barked, although there wasn’t any real need to. Everyone was staring at the three at the front of the room. “Someone’s been tampering with the LEP equipment. Go place fifty or so officers around the building – we may be expecting company.”

“Yes sir,” said York, leaping to his feet with surprising agility for his hulking body.

“And you two,” said Kelp, turning to face Artemis and Butler. “We need to keep an eye on you.”

“What –” began Artemis.

“You two are being regarded as suspects for the time being. No one else would and could have affected LEP equipment like this except for the pair of you. You in particular,” he added, jabbing a finger in Artemis’s face.

Butler began to make a move, but then seemed to decide that it wasn’t a good idea. Sure, he could leave this room unscathed, probably. And maybe even make it halfway through the corridor. But that was about it, and now that he was growing older he didn’t want to test his strengths in such an uncertain manner. Besides, he and Artemis were nearly friends with some of the People. He’d hate to hurt some of them.

Kelp gave a little nod at Butler’s decision, which had not gone unnoticed.

“Follow me,” he said, and began to lead them out of the conference room, but he only got as far as opening the door.