Unsavable

.16.

My mind was completely blank. Someone was speaking to me but I could hardly focus on what was being said.

The person before me wore a very distinguished blue uniform. A policeman. He asked me a question, I replied like a robot. What I was saying, I do not know but it seemed to be the answers he needed.

From what I could vaguely comprehend, the kitten had been taken to a nearby veterinarian by the man who saved me. It was my biggest concern and even in this state, I had forced mind to lock into it's wellbeing and protested until it was helped. Shock does strange things to people.

The policeman's radio buzzed. He was needed somewhere else. My case was to minor with little to no evidence available as to who the culprits were. Many similar cases to my own would remain unsolved with little to no concern. It was just another number on the system.

I was handed a business card by the policeman before he rushed off. I was to out of it to focus on the letters and numbers, everything was blurry.

I don't recall the trip back to my apartment, I don't even remember bringing my things back with me, even my purse had been brought back.

Once I shut the door, reality hit me like a bucket of ice. I slumped down to my knees, my shaky arms out before me attempting to help support my weight as I began to hyperventilate.

Fear began to devour my very being from the inside out as my body trembled. My heart rapidly pounded like a beating drum in my ears. My chest began to constrict and I began to feel nauseous. I was having a panic attack.

I do not recall how long I was in that state but it felt like years had passed by before I could even move again.

The next three days passed by in a sleepless blurr. I never once dared to venture outside of my apartment, the fear that I would be attacked again was to overwhelming.

Every few hours I would check to see if my front door was locked. It got to the point where I had even managed to push a chair up against it just to make sure no one could enter.

The fear was crippling.

Every little sound made me jump, every person who walked past my door made me stand on edge. I was terrified.

Just when I managed to reassure myself that I was safe, that no one could hurt me, it was shattered when I knock came from my front door.

I grabbed the nearest object next to me and held it in a defensive position. My legs were shaky as I slowly walked towards the door.

"Andrea?" A voice called.

I immediately recognised it but I was still afraid. It was Shane.

"Please answer." He sounded desperate almost.

My heart ached a little. I felt guilty. He had been trying to get hold of me again even though I had put my cellphone on silent.

"I just wanted to talk to you but I guess you aren't home." I heard him frustratedly sigh before walking off.

I wanted to open the door, I wanted to stop him from leaving but I was too scared. I was to weak to overcome my fear.

I was honestly pathetic.

I reached for my phone slightly nervous to unlock it knowing the wave of guilt that would engulf me at the sight of the missed calls and messages from him.

7 missed calls.

5 new messages.

My stomach turned as I opened them to view.  Surprisingly however only 2 of the calls were from Shane the other 5 were from William.

Not knowing what to make of this, I opened my messages. Again only two were from Shane. The first was from a few days ago asking me if I could meet up with him again, the second was from a minute ago letting me know that he stopped by.

The other three messages were from William. The first was a reply to my last message three days ago, the next was teasing me on my lack of a reply and the last one was beginning to get concerned.

I strange feeling settled in my chest. I had made him worry. Again I was hit with guilt. I felt like a horrible person.

While I was having a depressing self pity party my phone began to silently vibrate in my hards signifying an incoming call.

William.

He was calling me again. I hesitated to answer not knowing what to say, trying to think of an excuse for not answering his previous calls.

Slowly swiping my finger across the screen, I brought the device to my ear.

"Hello...?" I had not planned for my voice to come out so shaky. I wanted to kick myself.

"Andrea." Was all he said. His tone revealed nothing.

It was followed by a moment of silence. I felt uncomfortable. I was expecting him to be angry, to yell at me for ghosting him for the past few days but nothing. He said nothing and it made me want to squirm.

"You really know how to...." He let out a frustrated sigh as if trying to find the words, "how to put me on edge."

He sounded defeated but not angry. I was not expecting this.

"I'm sorry." I replied. I did not know what else to say. It seemed all I could do was  apologise all the time

There was silence again. It was like he was waiting for me to speak, waiting for me to explain myself and when I did not, he eventually let out another sigh.

"So you aren't going to say anything?" It was rhetorical for he already knew what my answer would be.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Anything. Even if it's some ridiculous excuse, anything would work." He grumbled.

"But I-"

"No. I know something happened. Tell me." He cut me off.

I was silent. I didn't know how to respond and I was shocked that he had seen right through me.

"Andrea. I'm outside of your building, what is your number?"

I temporarily froze taken back by his question before rushing to the window and looking down at the street below not believing him.

Sure enough there he was getting out of a the passenger seat of a very familiar car, he had his phone to his ear as he gave a nod to his driver dismissing them.

"Why?" I questioned.

"Because I need to know if I am to see you." He knew that was not what I wanted the answer to.

I sighed in defeat. Even if I did not tell him my apartment number, he was a very powerful man and I knew that he would eventually find my apartment even if I say nothing.

"Thank you." I could hear him smiling in victory once I gave it to him and ended the call.