Unsavable

.18.

"Why are you here?" I broke free. My defenses forcing themselves back up as I tried to change the topic.

William gave me a strange look as he watched me move towards the lounge. I knew he could tell that I was trying to put distance between us.

"You do not have to hide Andrea. I will not do anything that may bring harm to you." I could feel his piercing gaze on me, "It is okay if you do not want to tell me but I want you to know that I am not leaving until I can confirm that you are okay."

I did not look at him as a say myself down on a chair. He made his way over to the couch beside me but was careful to keep his distance for my sake.

My heart ached at the gentle gesture.

We sat in silence for a long time. It was quiet but it was also comforting. I had never felt this feeling before. My small apartment suddly felt so warm and so full just with his presence alone.

Was this what it was like to have someone?

I knew that the moment that he would leave this shabby place, the cold emptiness would come flooding right back in and I would be all alone again.

I would forever be alone.

"I wish I could go back in time long before everything went so terribly wrong." I mumbled softly under my breath and brought my knees to my chest.

"Living in the past will do no good." William responded. His voice gentle.

I lifted my head just enough so my eyes could find him, "I wish you had met a better me."

"I like you the way you are now," He smiled, "That's why I hate to see you like this."

"You should be with someone who is actually worth it."

"And I want to be but she won't let me because she believes that she isn't." He watched me closely and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees.

"I am not... I'm broken." I looked away.

"Being broken does not mean you are not worth it. I will not leave you just because you think that."

"How are you so perfect?..." I gave a distant sad smile. I was envious of the man before me. He had everything he could ever want and seemed to know exactly what to say.

"I am not." He slowly began to stand up, "I am flawed just like everyone else. I have my highs and I have my lows. I have been through my fair share of heart ache and pain. I have loved and I have lost. I too have been broken one to many times." He moved towards me.

"If I were as perfect as you seem to think that I am," He crouched down and slowly wrapped an arm under my knees and the other to my back as he effortlessly lifted a startled me, "I would never even dream about doing this." His lips smashed down onto my own.

My heart thundered like a raging storm deep within my chest as I slowly parted my lips allowing him in. His arm moved away from my knees as he slowly lowered me to the couch, our mouths never parting. I could feel his desire mixed with my own.

My hands could not resist the urge to rake through his hair. My fingers relished the feeling of his soft locks as the buried themselves amongst the strands.

I could feel his hands begin to move along my sides stopping at my hips as he held me close and continued to ravish my lips. Slowly his fingers found their way under the hem of my shirt brushed over my stomach.

Suddenly the trance was broken.

Fear flooded my veins and clouded my judgement. It felt like ice. I instinctively pushed him away terrified. I was uncontrollably shaking as the horrible memories raced across my mind.

"No. Please no!"

I needed to run.

I needed to hide.

I had to get away...

"No!"

I began to cower and push myself away my hands instinctively sheltering my body.

"Andrea!"

I was so scared.

"Andrea!"

Tears began to fall. Would this torture ever end?

"Andrea. It's okay. You are okay." A soothing voice called, "I am not going to hurt you."

My eyes looked up towards a blurry figure, his voice felt gentle and soft.

"Come back to me." Slowly arms reached out but I did not flinch as the reached for my own gently gliding down to my hands, "It's okay. It's okay."

William.

It was just William.

My eyes widened I'm recognition as the tears began to fall harder.

He pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms around me holding me close as I cried. I cried and cried for a long time.

It was the first time that I had ever cried like that. It was the first time I had allowed myself to do something like that but even if I had wanted to stop, I could not.

When my breathing finally calmed and the tears began to dry, I pulled away from Willam. I could see the damp mark on his shirt.

"I am sorry." I looked away embarrassed and full of guilt.

I felt so bad for what I had done; for what he had to witness.

"Never apologise for allowing yourself to cry." He grabbed my hands, his thumbs rubbing circles over wrists, "Are you okay now?" He asked so gently that I almost broke down all over again.

I barely nodded, "I suppose I owe you an explanation..."

"If it was me, I am so sorry Andrea. I did not mean to hurt you."

My heart almost broke at his words, "No." I was quick to correct him, "You were amazing."

I pulled my hands away from him, "I on the other hand allowed it to get to me." I gave a sad smile.

"Andrea, who hurt you?" Williams voice was riddled with a heavy mixture of anger and concern.

"I..." I unknowingly bit my lip unsure of how to voice my reply, "I was not hurt."

"I am not stupid." William's tone alone sent a shiver down my spine. I knew that I owed him an answer.

I looked up at him and gave a broken smile, it was the only thing stopping my eyes from tearing up all over again, "I was almost," I took a deep breath as I admitted the words that I resented so much, "I was almost raped."