Pastel Prompts

Hospital playlist

"Hey." A faraway voice mutters softly.

I open my eyes and immediately cringe at the brightness. It stings. Everything is so bright. I move my head and examine my surroundings, only to feel my head pound.

A croak escapes my lips.
"Where am I?" I try to ask, but my words to come out muffled.

My lips feel like they have been sealed up with glue. The insides of my mouth feels like sandpaper.

"Here" the woman in blue uniform, says and carefully pushes a straw in my mouth. The water feels refreshing and thirst-quenching.

"Thank you."

"You are probably wondering where you are. You were involved in a car accident. Luckily you did not...  -"
The rest of what she says gets carried away by the icy breeze in the room. I was involved in a accident.

Everything comes back. It all rushes forth and replays in my mind.

* "Why can't you be more like your brother? He is organized and he did everything well. He never got into trouble at school. Why can't you-" Father shouts at the top of his lungs.

I block out his words. I know better than to answer him when he is furious. If I answer, he would get angrier than this.

"Are you even listening to me?!" He bellows. Suddenly a pair of hands roughly grip me by the shoulders, it is then that I snap out of it.

"Yes, I am listening and I am really trying my best but ever since mom left-" I don't even finish what I was trying to say before he cuts me off.

Father lets go of me and sighs. He rubs his face and looks at me like I am his biggest failures yet. He then adds: "There you go again and make an excuse that it's your mother's death. Stop being a coward  and start taking responsibility, other than hiding behind Lucia's death. It's pathetic."

Pathetic. Mourning my mother is pathetic. The impact of his words land a hard blow on my heart. I stagger back.

Is that what he thinks I am doing? Hiding behind my mother's death. I stare at him and examine his face. He can't mean that. It is his anger speaking not him. Except there is no hint of regret or remorse on his features.

I think back to the everything that happened in the past few months. The consultations, the panic attacks, the dread and hopelessness, the sleepless nights and all the battles I had to put up to fend off the darkness from burying me.

*I push past him and run. I don't know where I am running to but I don't stop. I run until I taste blood at the back of my throat. I run until my lungs feel like they will collapse. I run until beep, a car-

" There is someone outside who wants to see you." The nurse says.
She makes she way out of the room. I stare at the white ceiling.

The door opens and someone enters. My brother. The sight of him makes my heart clench. His eyes are puffy and red. His attire is wrinkled and he looks haunted.

He rushes over to the bed and wraps his arms around me. He craddles me like a child and softly cry in my hair. My heart shutters completely.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I sob into his arms.
"Shhh, it's not your fault"

"No,you don't understand."- I cry harder-
"It didn't hit me. The car. I jumped in front of it." I say in my head.