the girl with demons

Punitive suffering

When I woke up I was standing on the roof. It only took one step and I'd be either heaven or hell. Rather second one. An afterlife location in which evil soul are subjected to punitive suffering, often torture, as eternal punishment after death. Sounds bad to me. I put one leg over edge. There are cars down on the road, and in them people who are always in a hurry. Even late at night. Family going to the airport to fly on vacation of a lifetime, bisnessman rushing to meet his boss or husband taking his wife to the hospital because she's about to give birth.

-Maddie... what are you doing? - James was standing a few meters next to me. I don't know how he got there. I turned around and looked at him with tears in my eyes. - Please just come to me and you'll be fine - he looked scared and worried. Did I consider taking one step and ending it all easily? Yes i did.

-What's the bloody point?! I don't even know how I got here... on this roof. My life does not make sense. James... I feel like I'm dying and not just in mentally way. I can't sleep anymore. Peter cheated on me but we even... we were not together at all. I was ABUSED by my step father, I was kidnapped and raped and that's NOT all. My step mom... the only pearson I really loved was shooted by Rumlow ON MY EYES. I was going to school where I was afraid for my life cuz everybody got a fucking gun in their bags. I almost forgot that my step father shooted me and didn't even called the ambulance cuz he was too fucking drunk... I was an object in Hydra. I wasn't a human. I was a thing. They experimented on me, they tortured me, they touched me for fun. I WAS NOTHING THERE... OH NO I WAS SOMETHING... THEIR SECRET WEAPON. You know what James I don't fucking care... I DON'T FUCKING CARE!!! NO ONE LOVES ME OR EVEN LIKE ME! I never felt so alone - I felt my heart speed up to much. It started to ache. I stumbled but I managed to regain my balance.

-Hey, hey, hey... are you okay? - he asked worried but I was silent and the tears ran down the cheeks by themselves - AND NO... you are not alone. I love you, Nat and Wanda loves you... and Tony. Thor, Steve they also like you. You are not alone! - In that moment Nat, Wanda, dad, Thor and Bruce entered the roof -  You can't do it to me second time... You can't - I saw tears in his eyes. Suddenly everything started to blur. I lost my balance and if Bucky didn't catch me I would have been dead on the sidewalk somewhere below.

I woke up in dark room. I exactly knew where I was.

-Come on you can speak up! - I yelled and just heard a quiet laugh - YOU KNOW I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE!! - I shouted louder

-Why didn't you kill yourself? You could have finished everything - that was great but ~I didn't know the answer. - You could have ended it but you chose not to and there is going to be punishment. You will suffer a little. Suddenly I was in Hydra base.

-It's not real. IT'S NOT REAL. IT'S NOT FUCKING REAL!! - it felt like real. It really did. Suddenly the guards came into the room and BHucky behind them, they ordered him to sit down. I knew what they are going to do... they were going to brainwash him - It's not real... it's memory - I whispered through tears

-That's right... you are such a smart girl - she said and laughed a little.

-I don't want to look at it... get me out of here. GET ME OUT OF HERE!! - someone turn on the machine. I wanted turn around, to look down but I couldn't. Something forced me to look at it. Machine gripped. And then all I heard was his scream. I couldn't help him. Tears ran down my cheeks. I feel to my knees and just looked at it with poker face. If someone looked at me now he would see the pain, the suffering in my eyes but certainly not in my face.

-Poker face... wow but your eyes reveal a lot. I see it's not working so let's move to another place - suddenly the vision blurred but we found ourselves in a different place. Beautiful place for first date.