Crazy Complicated

CHAPTER 8

I am looking at his eyes and a cold wind pass us by without him uttering any words.

"Uh... Sorry" nahihiyang sabi ko dahil bakit ko pa kasi tinanong yun?!

But... I can't just go home yet.

Natatakot ako na baka maging bayolente ako ulit at baka sa pagkakataong iyon ay pagsisihan ko ng sobra ang magagawa ko kahit na hindi ko yun sinasadya.

"If you are comfortable then, I think it's okay" gulat akong nag angat ng tingin sa kaniya.

My mouth left open when I tried to talk yet no words were form.

I gulp because my throat felt so dry. Am I hearing that right? He agreed?

"Uh... Am I not being a burden?" I asked. "Your parents might questions my presence here" I slowly uttered.

"This is my house and my parents doesn't mind" aniya.

Napatango na lamang ako at nabalot na naman kami ng katahimikan.

Tumikhim ako at dahil sa ginawa ay nakuha ko ulit ang kaniyang atensyon.

"Aren't you... Won't you ask why I suddenly want to stay here?"

He raised a brow.

He wiped his mouth using the table napkin before looking at me. His eyes looks darker because he's being serious right now.

"I may be a jerk but I know my place, if you're comfortable to tell me, then I'll listen and if not, then I respect your privacy" aniya. "It's yours to choose" dagdag nya.

I bit my lower lip and lower my gazed.

I open my mouth but I close it again, I tried to talk but I just can't. I am scared.

But will I stay coward? Mananatili na lang ba akong takot?

My grip to the utensils tightened.

"I'm s-scared" mahinang sabi ko.

Hindi ko sigurado kung narinig nya ba ang sinabi ko dahil nanatili syang tahimik, hindi ko rin maggawang dugtungan ang sinabi ko dahil hindi ko alam paano sasabihin. Hindi ko alam kung may tama bang salita para ma determinado ang kagustuhan ko na huwag muna umuwi.

"Why would you be scared to go home?" napa-angat ako ng tingin dahil sa tanong nya.

I give him a small smile.

Why wouldn't I? Isn't it scary to go home yet you will found out that they don't want you anymore?

Why would they let you enter their home when you just hurt them physically?

It's just natural to protect themselves from me.

And I'm afraid to know that.

"I... I don't have a home" tila bulong na lamang ang huling nasabi ko.

"You have your family" aniya.

Agad gumihit ang isang mapait na ngiti sa aking labi.

"I don't" mahinang usal ko at bahagya pang nanginig ang aking boses.

"But you have yourself, and that's your home"

Napatitig ako sa kaniyang mga mata. Hindi ko alam, basta ang mga salita nya ay nakakapagpagaan sa aking kalooban.

Sa bawat bukas nya ng kaniyang bibig ay nagagawa kong huminga. Tingin ko'y hindi kailanman naging mali ang mga naging paraan ko para maprotektahan ang sarili.