I will set the scene
Honesty is part of me, which doesn't mean I don't hide certain things
I know what others may think
I am not always willing to have them change their image of me
Due to something they won't understand
It doesn't make me less, in danger or unaware
I know the risk, I know the reward
But not everyone trusts my sixth sense
Probably because I am willing to break if it means I can build myself up again
Before cannabis, I am paralyzed
A lingering feeling of an accelerated heart
Like the seconds' pointer of a mechanical clock
that you haven't quite figured out how to stop
I take a puff and the voices hush
Even if for a second, it is enough
Voices pulling me down, chained
Forcing me to listen to other people's mistakes
I numb
My response to the overwhelming number of paths
Only ifs' chain me and I am inside
A view from my chest onto the outside
The pointer keeps ticking, it is louder by the day
My throat scratched from words I ate and didn't say
Sometimes another puff helps me to move
I can take a breath and there is less to prove
Releasing the trappings pulling me down
I can think, I can hear what my brain wants to share
I can make decisions, be productive, I swear...
I can keep track of my behavior such as compulsive trivial things
I wonder at times if my hobbies are just symptoms of an OCD
When I smoke
I feel peaceful
I am aware
I can decide
I can face harm
I am alive
YOU ARE READING
Evasion
PoetryRead for poetry that explores mental health, addiction, and abusive relationships. Authoring this book is my way to heal and understand some of the dark chapters of my life. Hopefully, exploring these emotions with me will help you feel understood i...