"What do you mean Jensen? I haven't had a period since Abraham Lincoln was President." Solaris looked in bewilderment at Jensen. "Spoiler alert or congratulations to you being alive and well." Jensen replied halfheartedly. Solaris looked at Jensen as if she was waiting on him to throw in a punch line or anything, but when Jensen started whistling an akward tune, she knew he wasn't joking. "How? I almost want to say impossible, but I woke up a man today for the first time and saw an abominable snow woman that was wearing a Victoria secret spring collection bra making magic closet tubers today and that makes anything possible I presume." Solaris replied with throwing her hands up in defeat. "I feel like I shouldnt, but I gotta know. What color bra was she wearing?" Jensen asked while laughing into his hands uncontrollably. "You're an idiot. It was pink." was all Solaris managed to reply and chuckling herself.
Through the homemade gag in his mouth that Jensen put on him, Gerry was mumbling to them without any restraint to the sock and duct tape combo that currently was keeping him quiet. "No Gerry! Your face just makes me so mad that all I want to do is just punch it over and over. Keep quiet and I'll be able to control myself from doing that." Jensen said to Gerry, then gave a soft couple slaps in the face to remind him that he's a P.O.W right now and we do not negotiate with terrorists. Minus every single terrorist conflict that we've ever had, but managed to come up with awesome cover up stories to keep tax payers wives at bay over the years.
"Vamoosh, if you try anything, I will kill you.." Solaris said in a serious tone and waited for a response from him. "Sure, yeah, yeah, but if you must kill me then please erase my browser history on my laptop. The password is Cheezypoofs69$." Vamoosh replied. "Your password is Cheezypoofs sixty nine?" Jensen asked baffled. "And money sign yes, yes. They make you add special character now or it would of been just Cheezypoofs69." Vamoosh replied in all seriousness. "You are by far the dumbest smart person on the planet bro." Jensen said shaking his head. "How kind of you. Thank you, Clifford the big red werewolf." Vamoosh said with a horrible dog reference.
The three of them walked inside and left good ol' Gerry outside to hogtie bathe in the double sun scorching heat. "When can we go back home Vamoosh?" Solaris asked while taking a seat at the bar in the kitchen. "About that." Vamoosh replied and left it there . "About that, what Vamoosh?" Jensen said loudly and overly enunciating the question. "Well I had to use all of my magical power to make the trampoline spell when we landed on Planet Door Zoo earlier. I'm tapped out for awhile." Vamoosh replied while tapping the giant aquarium that had a pool of pirahanas stalking his every move from inside the murky watered aquarium. "Define awhile Vamoosh." Solaris said evenly. "i don't know dude. There's no like gauge or settings menu for it. Maybe in a year or possibly two." Vamoosh said raising his hands questionably. "What the fuck. Are you serious?!" Solaris yelled and started to feel the effects of her about to change into a wolf soon.
"I think I should give you a crash course on what to expect when you turn. Im completely shocked that you haven't turned yet to be honest." Jensen said shocked. "Well at least were on the beach for the last day of summer." Vamoosh said to himself. "When you turn it will be nothing but instinct, rage and hunger." Jensen said as they walked toward the open doorway that led outside. Suddenly Solaris stopped and said. "What did you just say?" Solaris asked. "I was saying that when you ch-" Jensen started saying before Solaris through up a hand and said . "Not you Jensen, you." Solaris said hurriedly as she marched with a purpose over to Vamoosh. "Why you always trippin about what I say? I say that at least we on the beach for the last day of summer." Vamoosh replied. "Ahh! Vamoosh, you are a genius! Mwahhh." Solaris yelled joyfully and grabbed Vamoosh by the face and kissed him. "Hey, easy with that shit." Jensen said after watching himself kiss a skinny Indian warlock. "Jensen do you remember what your supposed to do at the end of summer?" Solaris asked radiating with joy. "Nana makes me clean the chicken coop before winter, but what does shoveling chicken shit have anything to do with why you are so happy?" Jensen asked, still not putting two and two together. "We turn back the clocks! Daylight savings time. We still have time to switch back and im not stuck with balls!" Solaris said jumping up and down looking at her watch closely to keep track of the time. "Oh my eight pound six ounce sweet baby Jesus, its a miracle." Jensen exclaimed joyously.
"We have thirty seven minutes before were out of second chances." Solaris said tapping the face of her watch.
"So, I hate to be the Grinch here you little 'who' people, but that is an enchanted dark spell. " Vamoosh said it like they knew what it meant. "I'm a tad rusty on my enchanted dark spells, so can you explain it for me." Jensen said sarcastically. "Well a spell of that kind of power can only be reversed by its originator or a Grand Wizard of Lolenheim." Vamoosh said apologetic. "Well, I happen to be fresh out of Grand monks of Anaheim or whatever, so let's go torture Gerry until he complies." Jensen said walking toward the doors that led outside for the second time.
When they all gathered around a noticeably redder skinned and sweating Gerry, his eyes were moving from left to right like he was watching a tennis match underway. Jensen and Solaris had their arms folded, but remained quiet and just stood there staring at Gerry. Vamoosh looked at Jensen and Solaris and then folded his arms like them. "I'm going to ask one time and then every minute you don't do as I say you lose all twenty one of your extremities, until your a fingerless woman Gerry. Understood?" Jensen asked and grabbed Gerry by the back of his neck and gave him a quick squeeze. Gerry started rambling off unrecognizable muffled rants before Jensen ripped off the duct tape and Gerry spit out the dirty gym sock that was crammed in his mouth.
"Vamoosh, kill them or I will kill you and your cat!" Gerry demanded looking at Vamoosh. Solaris squatted down and got eye level with Gerry. "Hello Gerry, I think it was so romantic that you took me and used that magic spell to get me to marry you." Solaris said cupping Gerry's face affectionately. "You do?" Gerry, Jensen and Vamoosh replied together. "Oh my god yes! That is like a girls darkest desire to have someone do that for them." Solaris said solemnly and dropping her hand from Gerry's face dramatically.
Jensen mouthed the words "What the fuckkkk!?" And Vamoosh shrugged his shoulders and said. "I don't think I'll ever understand women."
Solaris got up and started to walk away. "Its a shame we won't get to be together like we would both want though Gerry, since I'm in the wrong body and I'll never be me again in about twenty nine minutes."
"Wait, I can reverse the spell!" Gerry yelled and fell on his stomach trying to chase Solaris. When she heard what she was waiting to hear, Solaris smiled while her back was faced toward Gerry.
Solaris turned around and looked like she had just heard the most splendid news. "You can? Oh boy! I'm so happy!" Solaris smiled at Jensen. When Jensen realized it he whispered to Solaris as she ran by him. "You tricky little devil you."
YOU ARE READING
Mystical Heights
JugendliteraturSolaris Van-Nuyes is a eighteen year old vampire, and she has been that way for the past 155 years. Solaris lives with her vampire family and they only hunt human's that are hand picked by their leader, Raymond. Raymond only picks the scum of the e...
