Knockin' on Heaven's Door (Axl Rose)

4: Memories and Mistakes

"I told you that I was sorry!" I said, upset that Axl was still obsessing over how I'd been sick all over him three days later. He was impossible to deal with as it was, but this just made it so much worse. I didn't know how God expected someone as inexperienced as me to save his soul.

"And I told you to get them to a proper laundromat!" He shouted, throwing the clothes I'd now cleaned for times at me. "They still stink horribly of you!"

I sniffed them, finding that the clothes smelled fine. "Maybe you should wash them yourself," I suggested, trying my best to keep my voice even. Slow to anger, Lucy. Be slow to anger.

"I don't have time. I have a life to attend to." He pushed me towards the door of the building we were in. "You get them cleaned, and don't come back until you've done it right."

"I don't have anywhere else to go," I reminded him.

"Then I know you'll do it right." I guessed there was no reasoning with him. Either I would do the laundry or I would be homeless, and a failure as a guardian angel. I was supposed to be protecting Axl from himself, not going around and doing his chores! I guess I'd made a mistake by going out with Steven. I'd ignored the warnings I'd been given, and now look where it's gotten me.

I pulled the clothes out of the washing machine, trying to decide how I was supposed to make them smell any different than they already did, which was just fine to me. Someone put his hand down on the washing machine in front of me, smiling at me while he stared into my now panicked eyes. "Oh, it's you," I sighed, relieved to see that it was only Izzy.

"I've got somethin' for ya," He said, producing a small bottle of what looked like some sort of spray. I started walking over the the dryers. I had no idea what the spray was, and I wasn't going to find out. "It's Axl's," He started to explain. I stuffed the clothes into a dryer and started running it, turning back to look at him. 

"So you stole it?" I raised an eyebrow, crossing my arms. I swear, the other members were just as bad as Axl.

"Sorta. But don't worry, I'll put it back. If you spray this on the clothes, he'll let you come back though." He handed me the bottle, and I rolled it around in my palm. 

"How can you be so sure?"

"It certainly won't smell like you." He chuckled. "You know, you're driving him crazy. But you're too good for Hollywood." He put a finger to his chin, tapping it. "Why are you really here?" 

"I'm stuck here until I can get back home." There were benches in the middle of the laundromat. I sat on one of them, feeling the cold metal practically sting my skin. 

"But where is home?" Izzy pushed on, sitting next to me. He was so close that our hips were touching. Instead of answering, I pointed up. I knew I was supposed to keep identity, but I couldn't tell a lie either. "Your parents are dead?" He asked, misinterpreting what I did. A tear fell from my eye. 

This was answer enough for Izzy.

"You have had way too much to drink!" I scolded Axl. We were sitting in a booth at a restaurant of which the name I couldn't remember. He was giggling like crazy, falling over my shoulder. There were no rules against drinking a little bit in Heaven (there was wine there, but it was well respected), so I had a single glass of alcohol. Axl, on the other hand, practically guzzled down half of the bar's supply. 

'You'll have to take him home if ever he gets really drunk,' A voice reminded me in my head. I guess then I would have to take him back to the apartment that I'd recently learned all five of the band members were living in. I put his arm over my shoulder awkwardly, pulling him out of the booth and then upwards to stand. I nearly fell over at his weight. He was putting no effort into standing at all. People watched me as I stumbled over my own feet, trying desperately to keep from dropping Axl, and to keep him from doing anything stupid. "Need a hand there?" A voice behind me asked. I knew it in the back of my mind, but I didn't want to think about who it was. 

"I've got it," I lied. Shoot! I lied! I lied! Oh, man. I was going to be in so much trouble when I spoke to God later. 

The other person, who was Duff, put Axl's arm over his shoulder regardless. "Do you, though?" He teased me. "You don't haveta do everything yourself. You can ask for a little bit of help once in a while."

We managed to get the drunken singer into a cab, which we both slid into as well. Duff told the driver the address, and Axl laid his head on my shoulder, eyes glinting with a little too much mischief. "What're you up to?" I asked him. 

"I think you'd be fun to play with," He said running his hand up my thigh. Oh, just that. His breath was so close to my neck sent shivers down my spine, a feeling I'd never experienced. I felt like every part of my body was on full alert, and I think that Axl knew that despite being drunk. I moved to get his hand off of me, but he removed it before I could. "But you're no fun, are you? Can't go to bed 'till you're legally wed because God's got better ideas than you do." He tapped my temple with surprisingly soft fingers. "You ever think for yourself?"

"I've got plenty of ideas," I replied calmly, maybe a little bit defensively. Axl tugged on a strand of my curly hair, playing with the dark brown lock while I tried to keep my thoughts holy. I've never struggled to exercise so much restraint in my life. 

"I'm sure you do, Angel-face." He smirked a little bit. "You should go out with me." Duff flicked him. "What?" He didn't turn to face his bandmate, keeping all of his attention on me. 

"You said you'd give her a chance to-"

"That was before I realized how easily I can make her squirm." His mischievous eyes were practically flaming now. "I don't even have to try, and she gets so frustrated." In my short time here, I'd learned a lot of different terms, but this was a new one. What exactly did he mean by frustrated?

"You confuse embarrassment with horniness," Duff clicked his tongue. I felt a heat rush to my face. That was a word I knew. I shifted myself to move farther away from the redhead who was attempting to bed me. I just wanted this stinking car ride to be over.

That night, I was in close communications with the Lord. "I've been watching you closely," He reminded me. "You've been getting too close to Axl. I worry that you may be losing sight of the mission."

"I'm always aware of the mission. Temptations are just really hard to resist here. Why did you put me up to this?" I ran my fingers through my hair, frustrated as I looked up at the heavenly light, which was where the voice of God was coming from.

There was pause before He answered. "I put you up to this because we needed someone young. Axl would only trust someone who he found attractive. Do you think that you are gaining his trust, or does he need a little push?"

I thought about the powers I'd been given to manipulate a situation if I needed to. It was all for the greater good, but it still felt wrong. I could play God if I wanted to.... "I think that I just need a little more time," I concluded. "Building a relationship with him-"

"I think that you should let him in."

"Excuse me?" I raised an eyebrow, confused. I shifted, hearing the springs of the mattress below me creak as I did so. 

"If he's showing any kind of interest in you, even sexual, you should let him in. Don't have sex with him, but make it appear that you are going to. Anything to get close to him."

"I didn't think that was the plan. I thought the plan was to fix him so that he wouldn't try to do something like that." I was confused. Never before had I ever doubted Him, but here He was trying to change the mission He'd sent me on. 

"Everything I'm asking of you is a part of my plan. Why are you questioning me?" I trembled, fearful of facing His wrath.

"I'm sorry, God. I guess I just got a little bit full of myself."

"You're getting caught up with these people. Do not let them distract you from me, or from your mission."

"I won't," I promised, meaning it. The light illuminating the room went away. I was alone again. I grabbed the white sheets below me in my hands. "But will you let me come back home for a while?" I whispered into the night, feeling water well to my eyes. I sank down onto the mattress until I was laying there. I pulled the rough white sheets all of the way up to my small nose, holding myself in a little ball, partially because I was cold, and partially because I felt like a failure. 

Where was this weakness coming from?