Knockin' on Heaven's Door (Axl Rose)

8: Refreshing Dose of Honesty

"I don't understand. This is exactly what you asked for me to do," I told God. We were having our first argument. "You told me to gain Axl's affection to trick him. That's what I'm doing."

There was a silence. "And that dance for a crowd of people where you abused the powers I'd given you? What about that? I sent you in here because you needed a first mission. I can take you out just as easily."

"You let me fall out of Heaven!" I replied, appalled. "And no one came to take me back!"

"Were you expecting an escort down to Earth? What is making you act so entitled?"

"I'm not acting entitled, I'm stating a fact," I corrected Him. "And an escort would have been nicer than nearly falling to my doom before Axl caught me!"

"He's a bad influence on you!" God shouted, voice booming throughout my bedroom. I wanted to cover my ears because it hurt so badly. "And you've done nothing to help him or prevent yourself from falling right into Satan's trap. You swore to resist temptation, and yet you hang out with all of his friends as though they can provide you with something helpful. You're wasting time, and you're doing nothing that I've asked for you to."

I looked down at my hands, not knowing how to respond. I knew that God couldn't be wrong, after all, He is God. But at the same time, I felt as though I had a little bit more self control than that. I wasn't slipping for anyone's tricks, I was just playing along with the notion that I was lusting after Axl. "Give me another chance. I will prove that I can do this just fine, I promise," I assured Him. 

"I will hold you to that. But if you continue on this path, you will become a fallen angel, and will be condemned to Hell forevermore."

"I understand, Father," I replied, bowing deeply as the heavenly light disappeared from my bedroom. I took a deep, deep breath. I would have to speed up this whole 'gain Axl's attention' thing. I'd gotten pretty close yesterday. Steven and Duff were right, the looks made all of the difference. Axl gave me his full and undivided attention for a whole date. He even stopped swearing after he said a word that begins with an f four times in a row and I scolded him. I'd made a little progress, but the fact that I had to dress a certain way and act a certain way was a part of the problem. If using sex appeal was the only way I could get this to work, he'd have to lust after me to be a good person. And lust is a sin. It's not going to work.

I opened the door to my bedroom. Axl looked up from the television set. "What's up?" He asked me. I rubbed my eyes. He sat up taller. "Have you been crying?"

I blinked, feeling the water fall from my eyes. I guess I was crying. I nodded slowly, walking over to him. He opened his arms and I fell into them. "I have to tell you the truth," I whimpered. "The truth about me."

"Shhh," He cooed. "It's alright." He hugged me awkwardly, yet I felt that he didn't want to let me go. It's sweet that he's really trying.

"I'm not from here. I can't go home because my home is Heaven. I'm an angel, Axl. Really, truly, an angel." I looked up at him, hoping to see his face contort with denial. Instead, his expression softened with realization. He believed me. 

"That would explain a lot."

"You don't think I'm crazy."

"Am I supposed to?" He cocked his head. 

More tears spilled from my eyes. "Maybe!" I shouted at him. "You're not supposed to know that! I was sent to save your damned soul, and instead I've just fallen a victim to temptation. I mean, look at me." I gestured to my clothes. "I'm dressed suggestively, and I stole the money to get these things. I've done bad thing after bad thing, and I've done nothing to set a good example for you."

Axl rolled his eyes. "I don't wanna be a good person, Angel-face. But I can help you."

"Help me what?"

"What happens if you don't save my soul?"

"I'm sent away from Earth and damned to Hell forever." I shuttered at the thought. "I don't want for that to happen. I've quite the great life in Heaven. The people there are great and there's no pain. It's nothing like Earth. It's perfection." I ran my fingers through his hair. "But-" I started to whisper. There's no one like Axl in Heaven. There's no one who's mood changes with the seconds, there's no one who tells you not to cry, there's no one who lends you their clothes even though it makes them mad, there's no one who holds you like you're precious, and there's no one who looks quite as beautiful either.

"But?" He echoed, hoping I would tell him more.

"Nothing," I looked away, turning my head from him. "But nothing. There's nothing wrong with Heaven, and there's everything wrong with Hell. If I quit now, I could go back and someone else would try to save you. They would succeed, and I would forever be known as the angel who couldn't do the one thing that she had to do. Lucy the Failure. Doesn't it have a nice ring to it?" I looked back at him, blinking more tears out of my eyes. I leaned forward and buried my face into his shirt, probably soaking the fabric through."

Axl rubbed his hand up and down my back really slowly, trying to soothe me. "I wish I could help you. I wish I could change for you, but I can't."

"Why not?" I asked, not lifting my head.

"The life you want for me to live, it's not my life. That's not who I am, it'll never be that way. I'm not bowing to anyone until they've got me on my knees. And they'll have to try pretty fucking hard to get me there. Do you get it?"

I shook my head. "I've always bowed down to Him. He is the reason why I get out of bed every morning. He is God."

Axl grabbed a fistful of my curly hair and pulled my head back up. "Then you aren't living for shit. Do something that you want to for once, take a risk. You should do whatever the fuck you want, because we're both already fucked as far as I'm concerned." He smiled, chuckling. "And that's alright."

"How could you say that?"

He rubbed one of my tears away with his thumb. "The motto: live fast, die beautiful."