Finding My Permanent Family

Chapter 4

There is always a reason you meet people. Either you need them to change your life or your the one who helps change theirs.
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Flash back:
Mother steps toward me and grabs my hair dragging me towards the bathroom. "Please I'm sorry! I promise I will behave. Believe me!"
She looks me up and down, then sneers. "Do you think people like you will always get second chances? I can already tell you they don't. Maybe this will teach you to behave? Maybe you will learn to keep your mouth shut." We make it to the bathroom and she pushes me in, her following behind. Mother shuts the door and locks it. "Fill up the bath tub." I look at her confused. I thought she was punishing me? "Are you too stupid to follow simple directions? I said fill the tub." That is what I do. When I finish filling it she tells me to kneel down by it and close my eyes. The next thing I know my head is being dunked and held underwater. She does this for the next hour until I finally pass out. Then she leaves me and I am all alone...again.

I wake up and feel myself shaking. I soon learned that anytime she took me to the bathroom that it was going to be a miserable punishment. I look over and see that it is only 1 in the morning. I know I won't be able to go back to sleep. I have no clue how much longer I can handle this. Everyday my energy is slowly draining and it gets harder to live in this life.

I am so close to giving up. Nobody cares about me, and nobody ever will. I have accepted that, but I have to convince two kids that they deserve all the love in the world even though I would never think that about myself. Would they be better in foster care? If I made sure they stuck together and found a nice family then they could be free and happy all of the time. They wouldn't have an incapable 17 year old taking care of them. They would have everything I wanted as a child; a mom, dad, and maybe even more siblings. There would be plenty of affection for them and the would be happier anyways.

No! I can't let myself think like this. I can be good enough. I just have to work harder. I have to prove even more now that I am fit to take care of them. Even at my lowest I will play the role of being okay. Cameron and Lily will never know how I feel, and they'll be okay too. I can do this. I have it all under control.

With that mindset stuck in my head I get up and check the time again. 5 am. I was laying in bed for 4 hours? How far away did I get in my thoughts?

With one last look at the 2 sleeping forms on my bed I leave my room and decide to make them an extra special breakfast. I find all of the ingredient to make French toast. I get out a recipe and start following all of the directions.

RECIPE:

2 tablespoons sugar

4 tablespoons butter

4 eggs

1/4 cup milk

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

8 slices challah, brioche, or white bread

1/2 cup maple syrup, warmed

DIRECTIONS:

In a small bowl, combine cinnamon, nutmeg, and sugar and set aside briefly.
In a 10-inch or 12-inch skillet, melt butter over medium heat. Whisk together cinnamon mixture, eggs, milk, and vanilla and pour into a shallow container such as a pie plate. Dip bread in egg mixture. Fry slices until golden brown, then flip to cook the other side. Serve with syrup.
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Once I finish making the French toast I cut up some strawberries and pineapples. I cut them into star shapes for Cameron and star shapes for Lily.

Just as I'm finished plating the food Cameron comes waddling downstairs with Lily.
"What is that? It smells so good!"
"Well buddy I decided to make a homemade breakfast this morning."
I grab Lily and put her in a high chair then put her food on the tray. Next I grab Cameron and set him at the table, then put his plate in front of him. He looks it over then stares at me with wide eyes.
"Did you make this sissy?" Before I can answer him he eyes the fruit then starts practically yelling at me. "YOU CUT IT INTO STAR SHAPES!!!" I smile at him and nod. He starts eating and telling me how excited he is to be going with me today.