Breathe

Part 2

[reminder TW ] 

JUNE'S POV

<I am okay> I have to remind myself as soon as agent Romanoff leaves the room. I am okay and semi safe.  I walk over to the plastic mirror on the left side of my cell, my face is pale and my eyes big, surrounded by dark circles. I look like I'm going to die any day now. "God June, you look awful. What about hang in there?" I chuckle as I speak those last words, my mother's words just before she made me leave. At breakfast I count the bites it takes to finish my apple and pray that the orange juice is pure <if you don't eat you'll die>.In the days that follow I dance the same routine over and over again, until my moves get sloppy and I can't stand up without support. Dreykov is the main character of my nightmares, he wakes me up whenever I fall asleep, his side kicks are all the people I murdered, and believe me there are a lot. At day I can see all the lives I've ruined in the walls; children, women, men, people, every life. My screams now live their own life in my cell, my tears form rivers on the floor and the guards think it's hilarious. I am pathetic. 

It takes Natasha Romanoff 3 breakfasts, 2 lunches and 2 dinners to come see me again. This time she doesn't talk, she just stands there and analyzes me. "You are being creepy, I guess you heard me?", my voice sounds raspy from the crying and screaming. Her face softens "Everyone heard you June, why are you screaming so much?", I inspect my nails and hands. "I don't know", I do know but she can't know that I'm vulnerable. "I think you do" she folds her arms over her chest, she's showing dominance. I stand up wobbly, I have eaten 3 apples, 3 cartons of orange juice, 1 sandwich, 2 times the veggies they serve you at dinner and a piece of bread.

She takes my arm as I try to walk to her "You should eat more", I catch my breath before I reply. "No I don't" I feel the world turning "Okay maybe a bit more ". "Hey, hey, hey look at me. Deep breathes June" <I'm okay, I'm okay. Fuck why is standing so hard >. I sit down on the floor and see Natasha holding my face, but I can't hear her. <no, no I am afraid> then it goes black, I messed up, badly. 

NATASHA'S POV

June tries to tell me something but her eyes are closing slowly and I don't understand her vague words. I lay her down on the floor as Fury comes running in "What's going on here Romanoff?". June starts moving again "I don't know, I guess she hasn't been eating enough?" <shit what if she dies>  "Fix it.", Fury is angry. This is the last thing we need "I won't die Romanoff", June's lips curl into a smile "Here's a deal". June opens her eyes and slowly sits up "you don't take me to your medical wing and I eat again, nice and easy" I almost laugh, she definitely grew up in the Red Room. She looks at me with her brown Bambi eyes and opens her mouth again "What will happen to me?". God what will happen to her? "I should ask Fury, but I want you in the team. You could become part of it", her eyes widen "Fury hates me". I wish I could say he doesn't but he hates everything that scares him. "I hope he kills me soon" her words feel heavy and unreal, for the first time I have no idea how to react.  

JUNE'S POV

"Where does your name come from?", we are still sitting on the ground and I can tell Natasha is trying to change the subject. "June comes from Juniper it's a plant and a book, Caroline for my mother and Bellini I'm guessing dad", I cross my arms at the Caroline part. <she is not your mom June, not even your mother. She gave you away> "I thought you couldn't remember your mom? Anyway I won't put you in the medical wing, but I need to know if you have any injuries or if you need a doctor. Be honest please" I shiver trying not to think about my mother and the fact that I should tell her I need a doctor.  "No I'm okay", I try my best not to cry and look away "I don't need a doctor, she's not my mom and I am fine.". Natasha nods slightly "If you say so. I need you to write a report about Hydra, an agent here will help you with it". I nod and slowly stand up, I'm still a bit hazy, but I can live with it. "You know, you are the first person to call me June in the last 2 years." Natasha smiles and stands up. "Let's go then" she walks towards the door "The handcuffs?", she shakes her head and opens the door. 

We walk through a long corridor with other closed cells, she takes me to an elevator and presses on number 6. "I'm afraid agent Romanoff" I let my head hang while I confess this, I've never had to do something like this, everything is new. "Could you maybe stay close, or I don't now, it's okay I can handle it", I lift my head again to scan her face. She smiles "Sure Bellini, don't worry I'll be close". The elevator doors open and she takes me to a big office with glass walls, inside of it the woman who found me. Natasha opens the door for me, "I assume you've already met agent Hill" I nod. "You can put me in handcuffs if you want to.". I try to smile a bit "I'm June Caroline Bellini by the way, but I think you knew that", the dark haired woman nods "Maria Hill, nice to formally meet you. Let's get to work.". She points to a chair on my side of the table and sits down on her side "Okay this is what we're going to do. You tell me what you know, I ask questions and put everything in a file. Got it?", I nod slightly. I sit down <breathe June, it's okay, just breathe> "I uhm was sold to Hydra 2 years ago and worked exclusively for them for a year, after that I was loaned to different organizations to uh kill.", I stare at my hands in my lap. "Were you trained at Hydra?", Hill types somethings on her computer and waits for me "Uh no I was trained in the Red Room, brought in at 3 year old, was sold when I was 15/16". "Tell me more about Hydra June", she sounds the way I imagine psychiatrists "Hydra is big, well it's massive. Situated across the whole world,  but their headquarter is in Germany, I could show you if you have a decent map. They normally only take people older than 18, but I cost them a lot of money (made them a lot more). When you captured me they were about to send me on a mission in Siberia". I look up again and see that Hill is still typing everything I said, Natasha has moved to a bookcase and pulls out a map of Germany. She puts it on the desk and gives me a red marker, it takes me 5 minutes to find the location. "I can show you where they put most guards, it can get crazy there but they change at 2:25 every 12 hours. The timing goes wrong every time and the entrances are pretty empty." I start drawing a little base on an empty patch of the map and smile softly. 

When we're done Natasha walks me back to my cell "Agent Romanoff you don't have to answer the question, but do you ever miss the Red Room?". She turns to me "No never", I can feel something is wrong and have to force myself not to enter her mind. "Were you sold or did you stay there?" damn it why am I so curious? "Enough Bellini" her eyes look sad and angry at the same time. We stop at my door, she opens it and lets me in. Alone, I've never been so sad for messing something up. I wish I could just tell her how happy I am that there's someone like me.