Breathe

Part 9

JUNE'S POV

I don't remember when I fell asleep, but I can't remember anything lately so I guess that it's okay. The sunlight wakes me up in the morning, Tony put a blanket over me before he left. I stand up and do what I do best, fake breakfast and drink coffee <I am not sick, I can stop when I want to.>. I decide I need some exercise for that stupid piece of bread yesterday, so I make my way to the gym. Since I'm kind of wounded there's not a lot I can do, running it is. I've been busy on the treadmill,  lost in thoughts for at least an hour before Steve walks in "Oh hi June, you okay?". "Hi Steve yeah I'm fine, do you know if Nat is already awake?"he nods and turns to me "Yeah, she went for a run earlier, she's coming any minute now.". I nod and go to the kitchen for a glass of water "Hi June, Bruce told me the results are back, but you were asleep. We need to go later, I still need to finish my cereal. Have you eaten anything?" I nod enthusiastically, she smiles. I can see she's proud of me and I feel guilt creep up on me. 

"You know this was a bad bad idea Nat." we are waiting in Bruces lab, Nat squeezes my hand <<you'll be okay June, I'm here>> she learned to communicate through minds. "Did Wanda teach you?" she smiles and nods proudly, Bruce walks in "Hi I'm sorry Tony needed help and you know...".  He sits down behind his computer "June I'm so sorry but you need to increase your intake." I laugh "No I will not, I'm perfectly okay. I can stop when I want to I'm just in control.". He looks at me, pity coating his whole being "June I'm sorry, you can do it by yourself or the feeding tube choice is yours." I shake my head "I really wished I could trust you to do it on your own June and I really, really want you to be safe. You have to stop lying about food.". I look at Nat <she too?> . "Fine, but the consequences are yours, my body can't stand heavy foods. Nat was there she knows." Nat looks at her hands and nods "Okay, start with soft things and supplements.". Natashas face moves to a frown "Like pills?" "No little milk-like shakes that keep her nourished.", I cross my arms "I don't do milk and I will not eat so much. Thank you very much.". Bruce shakes his head "June we just don't want you to die okay? Start out with small portions and the tube, this is my final offer. If you don't accept this we take you to the hospital and they don't negotiate." I'm boiling <they wouldn't, would they?>. I roll my eyes "Fine 1 week and we reevaluate, last offer." Nat tries not to laugh while Bruce and I shake hands on it, 1 week. 

I'm sitting at the table, drawing on a piece of paper since I have to stay under the supervision of the one and only Natasha Romanoff after mealtime. "Hey Nat, there's a child asleep somewhere close, wanna see their dreams?" Nat looks up from her work grinning <Okay I can handle it> I focus on the child and my green bubble rises again. Everything is in soft colors, mostly pastel <okay June focus, make it big> the soft comforting dream fills the room. Fairies running around chasing each other, we are on the back of a friendly monster. Pastel pink clouds surrounding our heads, there is no dark side to this dream no scary cliffs or aliens, peaceful. I understand lions and can talk to unicorns, creating fairy dust is easy and everything is okay. Eat fruit and laugh until your stomach hurts, sleep under the stars in moist grass, live in mushrooms. I accidentally close my eyes and it's gone Nat is smiling widely, but I am jealous, I never had the opportunity to have that. "When I was a child my dreams consisted of the people I killed, good dreams weren't any better. My good dreams promised me I'd get to kill the people who hurt me and slaughter those who wronged Esther. Blood never stops dripping, the dead never stay in their graves." I smile sadly and go back to my drawing. Natasha smiles "Yeah, I'm sorry. It's okay to be jealous, you deserve that too June." I shrug do I really? "I'm sorry, I'm not really angry you know. I think I'm scared and tired. I don't know why I said that just forget it." I look down so I don't have to meet Natashas eyes, she puts her hand on my arm. 

NATASHA'S POV

I can't help it, a little smile finds its way to my lips. She's being honest. June looks up, her eyes filled with tears "My 30 minutes are up, I'm leaving." she sounds hard almost angry <it's just a coping mechanism Nat>. She laughs bitterly and leaves, I shake my head. "Hi Nat I'm looking for June, have you seen her?" Wanda's eyes are smiling "Yeah she was here a minute ago, but be careful she's acting hard because Bruce put in a tube." Wanda laughs softly. "Why are you giggling so much Maximoff." she stops and looks at me trying to pull her face straight. "I'm not and there's something really cool I need to show June. We just want to hang out a little." she stumbles over her words. "Wanda look out for her please." she turns around in doorway "Nothing bad is going to happen Nat, she'll be okay.". I laugh "Stop reading my mind!" Wanda starts laughing too and runs to Junes bedroom. <those two can't be just friends> I shake the thought out of my head, Fury wants me to read these rapports and I need to focus.