Breathe

Part 8

NATASHA'S POV

'Help please' that's what June was trying to tell me, "Wanda, do you have any idea what's going on with June?" Wanda shakes her head "She knows how to hide her thoughts but today they were very loud. When I gave her the pizza she was telling herself that it was not that hard, she spends a lot of time convincing herself that there's nothing going on and that she's fine. But Nat I feel kind of guilty for sharing what happens in her head so don't tell anyone okay?". I touch her arm "I won't, thank you Wanda." she smiles and goes back to eating ice cream, "Wands what was the last time you saw her eat anything? I really have to take care of her.". In the corridor I find Thor and Steve talking "Hi boys, is June in her room?" the both nod and go back to their conversation. I knock on Junes room and open the door, she's on the ground doing sit ups when I enter, "Oh hi Nat." she stands up wobbly and sits on the bed. "What's going on? Please be honest, I want to help you". 

JUNE'S POV

"I want to help you", I'm pretty sure this is the first time someone has ever said those 5 words. "Come on Nat, sit down." she smiles slightly and sits down on the bed, shoulders almost touching. I don't know where to start, but she's patient "Nat I need to go to her." tears start escaping from my eyes and Nat puts her arm around me. "I need to see Esther, Nat. I'm so sorry, but I'm not like you. I can't feel this,  I just want some peace.". She squeezes my good arm "Honey I need you to explain it to me, who is Esther and where is she, we can go and rescue her." I shake my head "No you can't Nat, Esther she's, she was my." my voice breaks as I feel tears running down my cheeks. "She died Natasha, she starved herself to death, she left me alone. I can't, I-I can't live i-in a world with-without her. I'm so sorry." Nat is stroking my back. "June, I'm so so sorry, but you can't do the same thing honey. You haven't even had a chance to live yet." I start crying harder "Hey breathe okay, just breathe we'll sort this out okay?". Nat starts slowly rocking me to sleep, I don't like that it's working, but it just does. 

NATASHA'S POV

When she finally falls asleep I put her under her blankets <she's shivering and looking so so small.> I quietly leave her room and send a message to Stephen Strange. 

Hi Stephen, how would you treat a potential eating disorder? Nat

Nat, if you're talking about June get help soon. Find a doctor                                                               specialized in eating disorders, make sure                                                                                                           she knows you are there and talk to her. 

I go down to the kitchen for some toast and go back to her room. I just sit there for 1.5 h,  wait for her to wake up and read the files Fury asked me to read. June turns away from me and groans "Hey I know you're awake June." she giggles and sits up "You stayed?". I nod and give her the plate with toast, her eyes widen "Thanks, but I'm feeling very nauseous, sorry.", that's a bad excuse, "That doesn't matter June, you're going to eat it and we're seeing a doctor." she nods fear written all over her face. "I'm here June, every step of the way.". June starts to split the bread in small pieces and slowly puts the first piece in her mouth, shivering. "Are you cold?" she nods "Yeah a bit", I smile and give her a sweater. It takes her 18 minutes to finish a single piece of bread, after it she starts crying while she hugs her knees. She finally realizes that she is not okay. "June honey, I'll help you it's okay. Put on some clothes so we can go downstairs for a minute to drink some water or tea and after it we can go to Bruce okay?" June nods tears still running down her cheeks, she slowly gets up and puts on a jogging. I gently wipe her tears away and lead her to the door. 

JUNE'S POV

Nat takes me to the kitchen and gives me some water and rubs my back softly "It's okay, you can do it.". I don't remember walking to Bruces lab, but here I am, trembling "Bruce, I need you to do a check up on June, only physical though. We can find a specialist if that's necessary.". Bruce nods "Come on Bellini , don't be afraid. I'll first measure your height, weigh you, take your temperature and take some blood." I'm afraid but I nod and stand up straight for him to measure me. "Okay June, take off your pants and sweater please. You can turn around on the scale if you're uncomfortable." I shake my head and start taking off my clothes, when I'm done I can hear Natasha gasp quietly. Bruce leads me to the scale and lets me step on, when the scale chooses its final number I wince softly <that's bad>. Banner nods and scribbles the number on a piece of paper, "Sit down for a minute June first I'll take your temperature and then the blood okay?", I nod again <god this is awful>. I sit down, he does everything he has to while I try not to think or cry, "June I'm ready. When I get the results back I'll call you, but chances are high you'll need a feeding tube since you're severely underweight. Romanoff, I think we should find a specialist in eating disorders.". "I don't have an eating disorder I'm fine, a little cold and maybe a bit boney, but I'm totally okay." he nods, but sends Nat a look, "June, you're sick honey. Maybe you can't see that yet and that's okay, we're doing this together." Nat softly strokes my hair and thanks Banner. I stand up <oh god no everything is spinning> and walk to the elevator to get to the living area, I can hear Nat discussing something with Banner. I don't think I'm angry, I don't know if I'm sad, I think I'm disappointed. 

The elevator opens with a ding, I make my way to the living room and the couch and throw myself in it. I just stare at the wall and try to process what happened "Hey June." the couch dips slightly pulling me towards the other person. "Oh Tony, hi" "What happened to you, is Romanoff becoming too much?" he jokes to lift the mood <humor as a coping skill, easy and smart, not that destructive.> I shake my head. "Haven't you heard yet? They think I'm crazy. How could they not?". Tony shifts uncomfortably and murmurs, "I'm sorry kid." I shrug and move my attention to the wall again. He hugs me, not knowing what else he can do "Just shut up and accept the stupid hug June. You're freezing." I laugh softly "I am?"he pushes me. I giggle, "Do you know how I got the stupid wound on my arm?" he shakes his head "Wanda stabbed me, well I asked her to train with me using knives so I guess it was my fault too. I couldn't shift fast enough." he laughs shaking his head again. "You have been through a lot Tony" I lay down "the others don't see it, but I can feel it. You are brave." I close my eyes in an attempt to sleep "Thanks kid.". 

No more nightmares just black, it terrifies me.