IRL Tubbo Angst

1

Tubbo POV

"Tubbo? Tubbo are you there?"

"Huh? yeah sorry i zoned out"

"alrighty anyways so does this look good Tubbo?"

"Yeah yeah it looks fine"

I couldn't focus anymore. I was so tired i hadn't slept in days. Tommy kept wanting to talk till 4 am at night, and i could never sleep after that. The thoughts just kept getting worse during night time.
You should just kill yourself. You're not worth it. Your father hates you.
I knew it was all too true.

I heard loud banging on my door.

"Tommy i gtg bye"

"Wait-"

"TUBBO!!!" that raspy voice was never a good sign. "TUBBO OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR THIS INSTANT"

I ran over to the door and opened it. "Sorry, sir"

"You better be sorry."
He kicked me down to the ground. "I got something new here today" he pulled out a lighter. You deserve it. Of course i do. After about 10 minutes of constant pain, I finally passed out. When i woke up, there was a lot of blood. I sat up quickly and realized my mistakes that second. "AGH" I let out a loud groan. It hurt so much. I stood up and slowly walked to the bathroom. I took off my shirt and saw it. I had cuts over my stomach. No wonder there was blood everywhere.

I quickly cleaned it and bandaged it up. Stop. let it bleed out. should i? No. I can't give up. Not when Tommy's still here and cares about me. I felt so sick. I went back to my room and saw a message from Tommy. Oh right, he's coming here next week. I have no idea how my dad would allow that but I was happy about it.

"Hey tubbs are you okay? you zoned out a lot during the stream today"

"Yeah sorry i just didn't sleep much" i didn't want him to know that i didn't sleep at all.

"Ah okay wanna vc?"

"Sure!" no.

We talked for a few hours until the time showed 3 AM. Tommy had so many video ideas and vlogs for when he came to Bognor Regis. I don't remember much of it as I was extremely tired. No sleep in like 72 hours can't be good for anyone. I finally said i had to go because i couldn't stay awake anymore. But i was too late. He doesn't care about you. that's why he's always making you stay up late until you cant talk anymore. he wants you to suffer. I knew it. My mind was full of these thoughts now. Cut. The word gave me chills, but i did as i was told. CUT. Everything was a blur. I broke open my pencil sharpener that i had on my desk. I got the cheap razor blade out, cutting my fingers a bit in the process.

Your friends all hate you. you don't matter. do it. cut. I listened. I made a few cuts. it was so relieving. I finally felt something after days of nothing. I couldn't stop. I just kept going. More. I listened. When i was done i noticed the huge amounts of blood all over my arms. I didn't even care. I passed out.

(A/N) Hiii thank you so much for reading!! Any feedback would be appreciated as i am still not very good at writing :))