unstable
She spent the day with her mom, but there were no answers to be found there. Crying, she kept moving from one place to another and she did not know what she was looking for, what she was hoping for.
When she came to a field with nothing to see for miles and miles, she screamed. She screamed till she was hoarse, and she cried till she couldn't cry anymore.
"My Queen, do you need assistance?"
"Leave me alone, Dez. I just need everyone to leave me alone."
She collapsed onto her knees.
This is why she'd never wanted to love anyone. Losing them was too hard. Whether it was watching them walk away or if was losing them inside of their own mind, it was too hard.
How dare another girl come to her to plead his case? Hayden knew nothing about him. Nothing about them.
She should go back and twist her hair right off her head.
He kissed that twit, and she didn't give a fuck if it was the way he kissed his grandmother or not.
If he was still her Kell, he would have never done that.
After drying her face, she laid back on the ground. This field wasn't near as nice as the one back home. The weeds were dead and brown. Uncomfortable with clods of dirt everywhere, but at least there were no memories attached to it.
At least the ghost of his love wasn't standing over her.
She was Queen. She could deposit Miss Do-gooder in Antarctica in a bikini. No one would stop her. Except for one person and she should deposit his ass there with her.
They could freeze their asses off. Together.
Growling, she hit the ground next to her. Just let that bitch try to touch him again.
Her anger was stupid.
The amount of jealousy she was feeling was sickening, but it wasn't even the real issue. That slut getting all up in her business thinking she knew everything was the real issue.
Hayden and her gift.
Making her say things she didn't mean to say. Except every word of it was true.
It was so stupid to love someone who could crush you.
Except it wasn't all stupid. Julian. Mel, Aunt Sarah, and baby Loki.
Her mom and Danny. She would never regret loving them. Even though she lost them.
It was different. Her mom would have never left her. Not to be a rock star, not for any amount of money in the world.
Julian would give up everything and milk cows just to be with her.
The Kellum she fell in love with would have given up everything to be with her.
He would have fought everyone in the universe to find her.
He would have never held someone else's hand or kissed her forehead. Not her Kellum.
And it damn sure wouldn't matter how damn perfect Ray of Sunshine was.
Little Miss perfect shit was right. He didn't choose Hayden.
Jess practically threw him at her ass, and he wanted nothing to do with it.
Instead, he spent all his time making sure Jess knew how much he wanted to be with her. His mate. He learned how to kiss her socks off and gave her the wind. He became an expert at pushing her back against a wall and turning her mind to mush.
Wow eyes damn sure made her forget all the reasons she had for not wanting to love him.
"Dez, take down the shield. I don't want anyone to know I'm returning."
"Yes, my Queen."
She found herself in her room next door to Kellum's. "Bring down the screens. I want the first moment Kellum realized I was gone."
Jess could still remember how he felt, but now she wanted to see it.
She watched him come apart right in front of her eyes. She watched him go crazy and try to get his hands on his advisors. Then she saw his own guardsmen trying to restrain him. When that didn't work, they ordered Dezrick to put him asleep using a chamber that came up out of the floor and a gas. "Show me what happened next."
Watching all of it made her sick to her stomach, but none of it was as heart wrenching as seeing his panic and despair when he realized what the advisors planned to do to him.
By then he was sick, weak. Like her, he barely made it through day three and four, but that didn't stop him from fighting. He never stopped fighting for her.
And regardless of what Ray of Bullshit thought, Jess hadn't given up on him. She tried to but giving up on him was impossible.
The proof was the pain every time she touched someone else. Or they touched her. She punished herself for letting them touch her. She always stopped it before it could go too far.
It wasn't his voodoo; it was her own. She was the one with that power.
"Dez, take the shield down again." Jess went home.
Nothing looked the same as it had the last time she'd seen it. It's been ransacked. People looking for food and supplies. The front door was broken in half and hung on the hinges.
None of it mattered to her. Once upon a time seeing her mom's home looking like this would have hurt her, but she'd have to be put back together again before she could hurt more than she already did.
She sat on the stairs.
This was the moment that destroyed her. Watching her dad walk away. Every time she thought she was over it; it always came back to that moment.
"My Queen, My King would like to know if you need assistance?"
She saw her dad. Faced him, and yet here she was again.
When did her father stop being the reason she pushed people away, and he just became the excuse she used?
There was only one reason why she fought so hard against Kellum. Fear. Fear kept her from telling him about her mark as soon as she found it. It kept her from believing in him. She'd taken one look at him and had known that he had the power to destroy her, so instead of giving him a chance to do so, she ended up destroying it all on her own.
"My Queen, do you require assistance?"
"Yes, Dez, I do require assistance."
