The Book of Voltaire 5 VOLUMED BUNDLE

Book II - Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - Count Dice, Dice Counts

Today this morning is my birthday, all of the previous construction workers that finished the entire house were invited especially Jonathan is the selective special guest. It was to be at sundown. The Karaoke should be on YouTube with a mic connected to dad's speakers using a 70-inch plasma widescreen TV. It was good at first I was crying emotionally without getting my first drink yet. I bred my own recipe for drinks. Ginebra Bilog, two of them, two Red Bull Supreme bottles to make us all crossfaded, cranberry juice, lots of it, and many bottles of large bottled the reddest brand of Gatorade which was Fruit Punch. Then I mixed it all and burned it with a lighter onto the empty Ginebra bottle then as the flames exploded I quickly dumped the bottle into the huge pitcher and mixed it well. It's some quirky trick all hardcore Filipino alcoholic drinkers have as tricks to make a good Ginebra drink. I was hoping I would get Ginebra Blue but Bilog has more alcohol content. For it is as pure as vodka. The Ginebra in the Philippines is a Gin alcohol drink that has 99% of the alcoholic which makes the drink more water than Ladanum, so I had to mix it with lots of normal drinks except Red Bull isn't normal that will drive you flying with wings but that's the point I want to get crossfaded. So here I mixed all of them before doing the fire explosion pitcher thing trick. But first I rolled for pyromancy and it said 12/12. They asked me why I needed the dice for. I told them it's fortune-telling depending on what you ask on the dice. Jonathan looked up and it says it's the full moon, and its blood moon season as well, May 26th has passed after its lunar eclipse so there's blood moon season for the entire year. I told him I need a drink first as they sing happy birthday to me. Here I started chugging a huge glass of gin mixed with Red Bull and the rest of the drinks and then I howled "OOOOOH!!!" like a real wolf at the moon. One time I showed off my howling since Jonathan has a wolf tattoo and he thought it was really impressive he kept asking me to do it but I thought it was embarrassing and excused that I only do that during the full moon. Then he said it's the full moon so I had to do it. I yelled my loudest and the entire neighborhood's dogs went crazy! They asked me how I did that. I told them I'm a vampire for god's sake can't they see that yet. When I got super drunk I started singing Baka Mitai in karaoke through YouTube on my SmartTV. And then they thought it was too sad but it was quite impressive too. But I told them I can sing something extremely happy which is Japanese too. So they told me to do it. I told them I'm too shy. They told me that I can sing a good Japanese song and I can't even sing something better? I told them it's kind of girlish but I will do it anyway and AYEEEE they exclaimed. Then I started singing one of Majima Goro's 24 Hour Cinderella, the entire goddamned song not the Gokudo 0 Karaoke version but the entire full version. And then I sang with my happiest spirits. Next thing in the morning I don't remember what happened but I got a Hannya tattoo on my fuckin' left arm! How did I get this? How far did I go? I passed out dead drunk on the bed and felt the worst hangover in my whole entire goddamned eternal life. Here I wondered where I got the tattoo from. I asked dad where I got it from. He told me that Jonathan took me to his tattoo artist and treated me to a tattoo for free. Shit, everyone will know I'm a Gokudo. It even has my signature name. Shi-san, Mad dog, good thing it's in Kanji so no one can understand but if I ever go to Japan with this tattoo revealed there will be many hitmen stalking me to death. And the same cycle goes over and over again killing those hitmen as much as possible, the more I kill the more they will come, it never ends! Good thing my mom didn't get drunk at my own birthday party because if she did she's twice as crazier than I am. Acting all stripper mode with Bayonetta's Fly Me To The Moon song playing'. That's my stripper song actually and my stripper name is Tequila. Just kidding. Anyway, I went to eat breakfast and drank coffee. I asked dad to at least put an extra teaspoon for my hangover since I've proven to him scientifically how coffee removes headaches and dizziness. He told me I drank too much alcohol and I puked everywhere. I can't have more than one teaspoon since I have gastritis. And he knows I've been drinking Lipovitan outside since his spies are everywhere which used to be his former Gokudo gangs. He told the story when I was a young teenager which explains the cattle mark on his chest. It was some gang mafia thing. But he doesn't remember saying those stories to me anymore about how he became the best hitman. I guess like a father like a son huh. But I'm better. No wonder where he got his ultimate strength from. And that money to buy me medications when we were in the state of extreme poverty and famine. He admitted that he went to some Mafia job just so he can buy me medications. A necessary evil, which is good for humans. That's why I respect him. Imagine killing innocent people just to buy your sick son some medicine. And have to say FUCK YOU in front of the church's altar just because God doesn't help the slightest prayer about my illnesses in the mind which gets worse every second. But I'm all better now. I just have a superiority complex, that's what's left in me, and narcissism and a bit of a sociopathic personality. I rolled for survival double time out of 12. 8 out of 12. Above-average high. I can make it. Roll for fighting skills 6 out of 12 double times. I can make it, it's either both of my Gokudo enemy groups of gangs into one fight alone against one will be a stalemate, or I will end up being tired after I beat them all. Since survival is slightly higher than average I can make it. I asked where mother went, he told me that mom went to get vaccinated since she recently got her senior ID and senior citizens are on the top priority list of vaccination rollout this time. At the end of the year is the massive rollout for everyone in the nation.