Playing With Fire (Sebastian Vettel)

17. Cursed

Mollie screamed inside her helmet. This fucking track! What was it with Silverstone? She could do many a perfect lap in practice and qualifying but when it came to the races she was cursed.

For the third race in a row there, she had crashed. This time however was different.

This time she was uninjured. And this time she had no one to blame but herself.

She'd risked one overtake too many, and ended up taking herself and Sophia out of the race. She knew she was going to be in trouble for this one. Why hadn't she waited? Why was she so fucking reckless?

She climbed out of the car, signalling to a marshall that she was ok. She saw Sophia was out of her car too. She headed over.

"Sophia, I'm sorry, my bad."

Sophia stopped in her tracks.

"What the fuck were you playing at Mollie? You were driving like an amateur. You know what? I can't do this. Just fuck off Mollie." She turned and walked off. Mollie blinked back the tears. She knew she deserved Sophia's harsh words. She knew she'd let the whole team down.

***

"Of all the stupid, idiotic things!!! What the hell were you thinking Rashford? You're lucky the FIA only gave you a 3 place grid penalty!! I am so close to benching you in Hungary. You used to be the best there was. That's why you are here. Now you're a wildcard. You're dangerous!

And don't think I didn't see those photos. Drinking before a race weekend? You're irresponsible and if you carry on with this kind of behaviour you're going to find yourself out of a seat before the end of the season!

Don't think you're untouchable Mollie. Everyone is replaceable! Now get out. I don't want to see your face until Hungary. Think about your behaviour. I don't want this happening ever again!"

Mollie hung her head in shame as Matthew Thorne ranted and raved at her. She knew she deserved it, but he didn't understand. She didn't even understand herself. Tom Smollett just looked at her, shaking his head. She knew she'd been in big trouble when Matthew had come to deal with her instead of Tom.

"I'm sorry Mr Thorne."

"Sorry? I should think you are. I don't expect this from you Mollie. What's happening? You started the season perfectly. Crashed in Miami. You might as well not have turned up in Austria. Now you weren't content with just ending your own race, you had to take your teammate out too!

What is wrong with you? Seriously Mollie. We are concerned," he said, his voice softening.

"I just made a mistake Sir. I cocked up. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. "

Matthew shook his head. He knew there was more to it than that.

"Just go. Go home. I'll see you in Hungary."

Mollie turned and left the office. She passed Sophia in the corridor.

"Soph, I really am sorry." Sophia looked at her, concerned.

"Mols, you need help. I know you say you're fine but you're not. You were reckless today. You're going to to end up hurting yourself, or someone else. I love you, you're one of my best friends in the world. That's why I'm saying this. Sort yourself out before it's too late. Stop pushing people away. You lost Seb. Don't lose anyone else."  Then she carried on her way.

***

Mollie slammed her front door behind as she arrived home from Silverstone. She headed straight to the kitchen. She took the bottle of vodka out of the cupboard. She unscrewed the lid and headed to the sink. She was about to pour it away but at the last minute she put it to her mouth and took a long swig out of it.

None of them understood. This was how she coped. She had it under control. Wednesday had been a one off. She wouldn't drink before a race weekend again.

She took another swig. They didn't have to see Elena in their dreams every night. They didn't have to relive that crash every fucking day. She wiped the tears off of her face.

Why had she survived? Why had Elena died? She sank to the floor, sobbing. She didn't deserve to be happy. Why should she be happy? Elena didn't get to be happy.

Her phone rang. She saw it was Ash calling. She answered it.

"Hello?"

"Mols, where are you? I'm ready to leave."

"Shit, sorry Ash. I took a taxi. I'm at home."

"Thanks for telling me," he said, sarcastically.

Mollie hung up.

Her phone rang again almost instantly. Luca.

"What Luca?"

"Moody! Just checking you were ok. You out tomorrow? We're going clubbing in MK after the race if you want to come?"

"I'll pass this time Luca. Thanks anyway." She hung up and switched her phone off. Then she took another swig of vodka.

The vodka helped her forget. Forget the crash, forget Elena. If only it helped her forget Seb, but nothing helped her forget him. She'd lost him for good, all through her own insecurities.

She'd made a mistake coming back. She should have stayed away. Seeing him again had brought back all the old feelings. Not that they'd ever gone away, they'd just been buried deep.

She drained the last out of the bottle. She knew he was better off without her anyway. Everyone would be.

***

Seb made his way through the paddock towards the car park. He couldn't wait to get home so he could chill. It had been a hot, hard day. Quali hadn't gone particularly well. Fifth wasn't too bad but he'd hoped for better.

A long, detailed debrief had followed. When he had emerged from it he'd caught the tail end of the Formula W race.

He noticed that both Sophia and Mollie were out. It wasn't a good race for TBR. He wondered what had happened.

Antti had quickly filled him in. Seb had shook his head, incredulously. What the hell was going on with Mollie?

His every instinct was telling him to find her. To help her but she'd made it clear she didn't want his, or anybody's, help.

She had a good team around her. She had Ash and Cassie. She had a supportive family. She didn't need him. He didn't need her. If he kept telling himself they maybe sooner or later he'd believe it.

Mollie Rashford was the past. She had to stay there. He had to move on.