Playing With Fire (Sebastian Vettel)

18. Fall From Grace (1)

Mollie sat staring at the wall in her driver's room, a solitary tear rolling down her cheek. She'd headed straight here after the race, unable to face the disappointed looks on her team's face.  She'd let them down.

The weekend had started well.  She'd topped the time sheets in both practices and qualified on pole.  The team were on a high.  Sophia had been talking to her again.  Things seemed back on track. Then it had all gone wrong. 

She'd been leading until the pit stops.  Then she'd fucked up.  She'd overshot the pit box and by the time she made it out onto track she'd lost two places. 

The old Mollie would have fought tooth and nail to get the places back. Then again, the old Mollie wouldn't have overshot her box in the first place. 

This Mollie decided to settle.  Why risk it?  Third was good enough, right?  Only those behind her weren't going to settle,  and she soon found herself dropping down the order.  She just had no answer for them.

She finished the race in sixth place.  As she pulled up in Park Ferme she saw everyone gathering around Sophia's car.  Sophia had finished second and, thanks  to Pierce's DNF, had taken the lead in the championship. 

Mollie was happy for her friend but felt like a failure herself.  She should have done better. The only one waiting for her to get out of the car was Ash.  She'd handed him her helmet and HANS before walking off to get weighed.  Then she'd headed back to her room, refusing to come out.

She couldn't face the media and their endless questions on whether she was over the accident, on why her form had dipped.

Cassie had knocked and reminded of her obligations. She had told Cassie that she would face the consequences and to bugger off and leave her alone. 

All she wanted was to be alone. 

There was another knock at the door. 

"Mollie, me again. Sorry to bother you, but Tom wants to see you in his office, immediately."

Mollie sighed and stood up.  She opened the door and strode past Cassie.  She walked down the corridor and knocked on the Team Principal's office door. 

"Come in!" he called out.  She opened the door and entered the office. 

"Mollie, have a seat," he said.  She sat down.  "Won't keep you long.  Just waiting for Matthew."

Mollie felt a sense of dread rise in her stomach.  Matthew again.  Was this going to be the moment they lost patience with her? Had she blown her final chance?

A few minutes of awkward silence followed.  Then the door opened and Matthew Thorne walked in.
He sat down in the chair next to Mollie. 

"Ok Mollie. What happened out there?"

"I missed my box.  I'm sorry."

"I'm not talking about that.  It happens to everyone at least once in their career.  I'm on about what happened after.  Where was your fight? Where was your fire?  I saw none of that.  You rolled over and let them all by.  What's going on?  This isn't you."

Mollie slouched in her seat and shrugged.  "I don't know.  Maybe this is me now."

Matthew sighed. "Mollie Rashford. You are a champion.   You were going to be our F1 reserve.  You had the world at your feet.  Now you are no better than a young rookie.    I'll tell you what's happened.  You never dealt with Abu Dhabi.  You didn't get help when you needed it.  You thought you were ok. We all thought you were ok.  And you were, until you weren't.  I've been speaking to Ash.  I know about the drinking Mollie."

"Guess I'll be looking for a new trainer then," she mumbled. 

"Ash cares about you Mollie.  He's worried.  We all are. You need to help yourself."

"I'm fine."

"Mollie, you're not.  I don't want to do this but you've left me no choice.  Use this summer break.  Stop the drinking. Get the help you need.  I know there's no quick, easy fix but you need to make the first steps.  Then in Belgium we will talk again.  If you don't seek help,  you're out.  I need drivers I can rely on, not one that's scared to be herself."

Mollie held back the tears.  She wasn't going to cry in front of them.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way Mollie.  I had great hopes for you.  Please don't throw it all away.  Now go.  Think about what I've said. Really think.  I'll see you in Spa."

Mollie stood up and fled back to her room, not wanting anyone to see her cry.  She changed out of her race suit and headed out. She had to get out of here before she broke. 

As she walked briskly through the car park towards her car she heard someone calling her name.  She recognised the voice.  What the fuck did she want?

She stopped and turned around.  "What do you want Lily? To laugh at me? To tell me I'm a loser?"

"Mollie, you've got it wrong. I know I've made a few shitty comments.  I was jealous ok?  I wanted Seb but I was never going to measure up to you."

"He's all yours. Me and him are through."

"He doesn't want me Mollie.  He wants you."

"Is that all you wanted? To talk about him?"

"No.  I wanted to tell you to sort your shit out.  I admired you so much. You were just amazing your championship year.  I wanted to be just like you.  Then after the accident I moved to TBR but I couldn't settle.  The team tried but they were all your team Mollie. I always felt I was being compared to you.   Then after I returned to Zenith, I heard you were coming back and I was excited.  And at first it was like before but then since Miami.... I feel it's my fault.  The crash. Since then you've been....different.
Mollie I hate to see you doing this to yourself.  Where's that champion I admired so much?"

Mollie fought back the tears.

"Lily, she's gone. She died in Abu Dhabi with Elena.  This is me now."

"I don't believe that.  If that's the truth then you wouldn't be here. You're scared.  I get that.  Anyone would be.  You need to speak to someone. Don't bottle it all up."

"Why do people keep saying that? Speak to someone. I don't want to speak to anyone. I don't need to.  I'm perfectly fine."

"You're not and deep down you know that."

Mollie turned and walked off. 

"Mollie, don't throw it all away!"

"Fuck off Lily!"  she called over her shoulder. 

As Mollie climbed into her car Lily sighed and shook her head.  She'd tried.  Mollie Rashford was a disaster waiting to happen, Lily just hoped she didn't take anyone else down with her.