Playing With Fire (Sebastian Vettel)

41. What Becomes of the Broken Hearted

Seb still thought he'd made the right decision. So why did it hurt so bad?  He missed her so much.  He nearly broke down in tears when Britta had informed him that Mollie had flown home from Malaysia.

He just wanted to hold her and tell her that loved her,  but he knew that he had to stick to his decision. Maybe one day they could be together but would she ever forgive him for breaking her heart?   Would she even consider taking him back?

Surely she'd understand that he'd done it for her so she didn't waste her talent because of him.

He didn't know how, but he managed to win the race on the Sunday.  His mind hadn't been on it and he knew that he'd been lucky. 

He'd gone back to his own room after leaving the circuit. He wanted to be alone. He could still smell her on the pillows. He picked one up and hugged it close, burying his face in it and inhaling the scent. Mollie.

What had he done?  He was lost without her.  A sob escaped from him.  It was too late now. He had to be strong and follow it through.

He didn't sleep at all the Sunday night. He lay awake, questioning his actions. Was she ok? He wanted to hear her voice so badly.

The following afternoon he flew to Saudi Arabia with Antti and Britta. On the way he confided in them about what he had done. Britta had called him all the names under the sun. Antti had shook his head in disbelief.

From arriving in Saudi, until media day he stayed in his room, brooding. She should have been here. He should have been making love to her. Instead he was alone and God knows where she was.

His head was seriously screwed and it showed on track. He qualified in eleventh and finished in eighth. He was still ahead in the championship but he had to get it right in Abu Dhabi. He couldn't afford to be distracted there. And he would have the added distraction of Mollie actually being there.

He had to shut her out of his head. He'd made his choice. He needed to win.

He was heading back towards the motorhome when he bumped into Will. They exchanged small talk for a minute or two and then Will mentioned Mollie.

"So great news about Mols securing a drive isn't it?"

"She has?"

"She never told you?"

"We broke up Will. I doubt she'll tell me anything."

"Oh shit. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I wondered why she wasn't here."

"It's ok."

"I guess I'd better keep my mouth shut anyway until the announcements. It's all hush hush."

"I've gotta go Will. I'll see you in Abu Dhabi."

He ended up back in his room at the hotel. How he wished he was in a country where he could have a few drinks to help him forget. But he wasn't, so he lay there with Mollie on his mind. Where was she? What was she doing? Would she ever be his again?

***

Mollie let herself out of her parents' house early on the Thursday morning. It was a week since Seb had ended things. It was still so raw. She missed him more than she thought possible. She slipped behind the wheel of her white BMW and started driving. She didn't know where she was going but she had to get away from here. Her parents were driving her crazy and she didn't want to go back to her place.

She drove and drove until finally in the distance she could see the ocean. It was easy to find a parking space, the tourist season being over. She slipped her coat on and pulled on a woolly hat. Then she walked down the hill to the beach. She had no idea how long she actually walked for. She just couldn't get her head around Seb's actions. He'd said he loved her. So why had he ended it? Was it really to stop her from quitting racing like she'd initially thought? Or had he been lying about loving her?

Was there somebody else? Had she done something wrong? Did she not satisfy him anymore? She made her way back to the car and made a spur of the moment decision. She drove to the outskirts and booked into an Premier Inn.

Then she popped into the supermarket across the road to pick up a pack of sandwiches for her dinner.

She didn't know how but she found herself in the alcohol aisle staring at the bottles of vodka. That would help her forget him. She picked one up and before she could change her mind she slipped it into her basket.

She paid and headed back to the hotel. She ate her pack of sandwiches. She'd been ravenous and realised she'd had nothing since the previous day. Then she picked up the bottle of vodka. She unscrewed the lid and poured some into one of the teacups the inn had provided. She put it to her mouth.

No. She'd come so far. She wasn't going to let him ruin her. She stood and went into the bathroom, pouring the contents of the cup and the rest of the bottle down the toilet.

She was going to stay strong. She wasn't going to break. She was going to get over Sebastian Vettel if it was there last thing she did. Tomorrow she was going to go home. She was going to go out and get her hair cut and she was going to blow a mini fortune on a new wardrobe. Then she was going to call Ash, Cassie, Sophia and Joel and see if they wanted to go out clubbing. Alcohol free for her of course, but she could still have fun. She WAS going to have fun. She didn't need him. She was going to show him that she could do just fine without him. Maybe one day she'd even stop loving him. But today wasn't that day. Today her heart was still broken. She buried her face in her pillow and cried. She thought she was never going to stop. Why did it hurt so bad? Why couldn't she just switch her love off like he so obviously had? Maybe one day. But not today.