Take My Breath (KShaw)

Chapter 17

While the break was nice, it's just that; a break. Eventually Harry has to pack up and head back to school, but he's not dreading it as much as he thought he would. In fact, there's a small part of him, no matter how much he denies it that's... looking forward to it. Not just getting back to class, or seeing Ethan and Tobi. There's a part of him that can't wait to get back to his room. To flop onto his bed and maybe find JJ in his own.

His room is empty when he gets there, though. JJ hasn't been back yet, apparently, because there's a staleness in the air that says it hasn't been touched in days. Harry flicks on the light, tosses his bag onto the bed, and cracks the window with effort. The snow on the ledge and the ice on the glass makes it difficult, but he manages to get it open an inch or two, and he leaves it like that, even if the air that drifts through is freezing. He'll shut it later.

Ethan and Tobi aren't getting back until later tonight, so Harry busies himself with putting his stuff away, and then he goes about cleaning the room, even JJ's side. The guy across the hall, Steven, has a broom that Harry borrows, and he sweeps under both beds, and then he makes both of them again because JJ doesn't make his bed right, and it still looks messy. He gathers up all the extra pens and pencils he'd found under JJ's bed, some of them his own, some not. He's pretty sure he's never actually seen JJ touch a pencil or pen, so it's a bit confusing to find that many loose around the room when they're not his own, but whatever.

He opens the bottom drawer of the desk, going to put the pencils and pens in the pencil case, but he stops when he finds a wrapped present inside. It's not very big, and the wrapping job is horrendous. He almost slams the drawer shut, because this is such an invasion of privacy, but then his eyes land on the little sticker at the top with Harry scribbled on it. Carefully, Harry pulls it out, dropping the pens and pencils loosely into the drawer. He nudges it shut with his foot and sinks onto JJ's bed, looking down at the package in his hands. Experimentally, he shakes it. Nothing happens. It feels like plastic, possibly, underneath the wrapping paper. And it gets weirdly bulbous in some spots. JJ bought him a gift. JJ got him a Christmas present. Harry doesn't know what to do with that information. He can't figure out why JJ would do that because, from what Harry knows, JJ doesn't like him. But apparently he does, enough to get him a gift. Harry hadn't even considered getting JJ one. Does that make him an ass? No, he doesn't think so. This is so out of the blue, he never could have seen it coming. In fact, if he wasn't holding the present right at this moment, he wouldn't believe it.

The door to the room opens, and Harry looks up sharply. JJ steps inside, duffle bag slung over one shoulder. His eyes slowly fill to the present in Harry's hand, and he drops the bag with a thump, crossing the room in seconds. He tugs it out of Harry's fingertips, eyes going wide. "Is that- did you really get me something?" Harry asks, wide-eyed and flustered. Too shocked to school that tone in his voice. "No," JJ spits. Hs face goes from a mask of embarrassment to one of anger. "You always tell me not to go through your shit. Don't go through mine." "I wasn't-" "Then how did you find this?" JJ demands. "I was cleaning," Harry defends weakly. I didn't mean to find it." JJ's eyebrows draw together. He turns the gift over and over in his fingers before dropping it in Harry's lap. "Whatever, have it. I meant to give it to you on the night of the Christmas party, but you'd left." Gult threatens to strangle him. "I didn't know," Harry says. T-" "Don't worry about it," JJ says. "lt's- it's not even for you, really. It's for me. You're always pissing me off, leaving the lights on when I'm trying to sleep, so I figured this would make my life easier. If you actually use it, but- whatever."

Methodically, Harry peels away the wrapping paper. Underneath he finds one of those lights that you clip onto books and things, for late night reading and the such. He's gotten more than one of these from his parents, actually, but they were always cheap. This doesn't look that cheap. And it's not the best gift in the world, but it's still- "Thank you," Harry says, trying to sound as genuine as he can because he means it. He clears his throat. "But I, um, didn't, like... I didn't get you anything." "Whatever," JJ says again. "That's not all I wanted to talk to you about that night." Harry blinks up at him.

Just like the day with the paint, Harry can feel it, the change that's about to happen. It's not a literal thing, it's this gut twisting feeling. "What is it?" JJ looks awkward, one of his hands running through his hair. "We can't do- we can't hook up anymore." It's like JJ's punched him in the stomach, only he's too far away from Harry for that to be possible. "Why not?" he asks, calm and collected. He's proud of himself for that. "I don't think my girlfriend would appreciate it much if I was fucking my roommate," JJ says flatly. "Now if you think you could get off my bed?" "Girlfriend." Harry bunches up the wrapping paper and clutches it and the gift tightly in his hands as he stands up. "When did that happen?" "Recently," JJ says vaguely. "Not that it's any of your business."

Harry winces at the tone in his voice, but then he reverts back to himself. Before he ever considered that maybe he might like JJ. Before he ever stopped looking at JJ as someone he hated and started looking at him as something else. "Like I give a shit about your relationships," he scoffs. "Figured you wouldn't," JJ says with a shrug. "Just thought I'd let you know." "It's not like lever initiated that shit anyways," Harry finds himself saying.

He hurts, is the thing. He didn't see any of this coming, and the emotional whiplash from the last couple minutes is taking its roll. Fuck, five minutes ago he was blindingly happy because JJ had cared enough to get him a gift. And now he feels this horrible, sinking in his stomach because JJ doesn't need him anymore. He's got someone else. And he wants to hurt JJ right back. "It was always you, wasn't it? Like, you always kissed me first. You're the one who always started it. I just went along with it because-" He cuts off with a shrug, not sure how to finish that. "You're right." JJ's face is a blank, emotionless mask. "It was always me initiating it. So I guess it doesn't matter to you if I call it off." "Not one bit." "Didn't think it would." JJ crosses the room, kicks his own bag out of the way, and storms out the door.

Harry is so, completely confused. But he doesn't want to care. No, he doesn't care. JJ's done with him, and you know what? Harry is done with JJ. He's fucking done. He can't believe there was ever even a second where he might have wanted- no. Never again. JJ can go to hell. Harry doesn't need him, anyway.