Take My Breath (KShaw)

Chapter 20

Just like he did at the beginning of the year, Harry avoids his room as much as possible. He spends all his free time in Ethan and Tobi's room or in the common room, and he puts in so much time at the library that he might as well live in there. But that's only because JJ is constantly in the room.

Every time Harry opens the door, JJ sits up in bed, mouth open, words about to come out. So Harry backs out and shuts the door and hurries away. He can't deal with it, is the thing. He doesn't want to know what JJ has to say. He doesn't want to listen to Simon trying to defend him. Harry wants to spend the next few months focusing on school work and nothing else. JJ does not fit into that schedule. Nor does the box of chocolates he finds on his bed one afternoon. JJ, for once, isn't around.

The room is blissfully empty, and Harry was planning on taking advantage of that by going on his laptop to catch up on a few episodes of TV shows before he went to bed. But his eyes fall to the bed, and he frowns. He slowly moves towards it, kicking JJ's messy shit out of the way. It's a small box, completely black except the red bow. He frowns, picks it up, and tugs the bow until it comes undone. There's no letter, no card. Just a few pieces of chocolate inside. Before he can stop himself, he takes one out and places it on his tongue. Expensive, he thinks. It's not hard to tell the difference between cheap chocolate and the stuff that costs a little more, and this stuff is good. Rich and creamy, melting and coating his tongue. Carefully, Harry puts the lid back on, stashes the box in the top drawer of the desk, and then he falls onto his bed, pulling out his laptop.

An hour, and an episode of Shameless later, the door opens. Harry pauses the show, eyes lifting to JJ. "Hey," JJ says pleasantly. "Did you leave those chocolates on my bed?" Harry demands. JJ blinks, a frown tugging at his lips. "Maybe." "Why?" JJ shrugs and pulls open his dresser drawer. He riffles through it, pulling out clothes, and then he gathers up his stuff for the shower.

Distantly, Harry notices the sweat covering his skin, and he figures JJ was at the gym. If Harry runs away to the library, JJ's escape is in the gym. He rarely even works out on their floor anymore. Just before he's out the door, JJ hangs back and asks, "Did you like them?" Harry presses play on his show and ignores the question.

******

"You could have just told him you didn't," Simon points out. "You didn't have to ignore him." Something Harry's learning quickly about Simon, in the short time that he's pushed his way into the threesome of Harry, Ethan and Tobi, is that he isn't as naive as Harry thought. In fact, Simon seems possibly more aware of anything than any of them, sees straight through all the bullshit. And he hasn't been afraid to call Harry out on it, unfortunately. Not that Harry doesn't like the guy, because he does. A lot. But he likes living in his happy little world of denial a lot more.

"What was I supposed to say, though?" he demands. He's on the floor of Tobi and Ethan's room, Tobi and Ethan on Tobi's bed playing a word puzzle, Simon sprawled out on Ethan's bed with a bag of chips. Harry wonders, distantly, why Simon isn't with JJ. JJ's probably missing his best friend, right about now, and it almost makes Harry want to snap at Simon for abandoning him. But he has a feeling there's a reason Simon's with them and not JJ, and he isn't about to ask what it is, so he lets it go.

"Uh, thank you, maybe?" Simon suggests. "It's the polite thing to do, man." "I don't even know why he gave me the damn things," Harry grumbles. It's been fucking with his head all week. The empty box still sits in his drawer of the desk, and every day, at some point, he'll open the drawer, see it, and it will confuse him all over again. What's JJ playing at? What kind of game is this Psychological warfare? Is he pissed at Harry for pushing him away, so now he's pretending to be all nice just to screw with Harry for it?

"Because he's in love with you, dumbass." "Dumbass!" Ethan says loudly. "Three down, two across." "I'm pretty sure the word dumbass isn't used in crosswords," Tobi says patiently. "I think the word is dumping." Harry ignores them in favour of blinking confusedly up at Simon. "Why would you say that?" "Say what?" Simon asks. "That JJ's- that he-" Harry waves a hand, unable to repeat those words. "In love with you," Simon finishes. "Because he is, maybe? I mean, Harry, come on. The guy broke up with his girlfriend for you." "No." Harry shakes his head firmly. "She dumped him because he cheated on her." "With you," Simon reminds him. "But that's not why it happened. He told her after he broke up with her, because she asked him why it wasn't working out, and he said he'd been with someone else and he couldn't see himself being able to stay away from them, and he couldn't be with her if he wasn't being faithful."

Harry rubs at his temples. This is all too much. It's just- it's way too much. "That's not true," he denies. "Yeah, it is." Because it seems to be Simon's goal, apparently, to not let Harry live in peace. "Also, poetry or flowers?" This whole conversation is making Harry's head hurt. "What?" "If someone wanted to get you something, would you rather have poetry or flowers?" Simon elaborates. "I- I have no idea," Harry says. "Poetry? I don't- where did that even come from?" Simon shrugs and stuffs his face to keep from answering, and Ethan snickers from the other side of the room. Tobi looks between the three of them with an upset look on his face, but he drops his eyes back to the crossword puzzle before Harry can ask him what that look means.

Harry pushes that weird question aside in favour of thinking about what else Simon said. About JJ possibly... but, like, he can't be right. JJ can't be in love with him because- why would he be, really? Harry's been nothing but an ass to him, ever. And even if he were nice to JJ, Harry doesn't really have much to offer anyone. Especially not someone like JJ, attractive and popular. Who could have his pick of much better candidates for his love. But- Whatever.

Harry's not thinking about it anymore; if he does, he'll drive himself crazy. So he reverts back into his Cave of Denial, where he'll happily live his days until the school year is over. And then, next year, he'll make sure that his roommate is not JJ, and he'll never, ever have to see JJ again. It'll be wonderful, he thinks, and if his stomach twists at the thought of doing that, well, he'll happily deny it.