Royal Dilemma

Chapter Twenty-Four

(Charli's Point of View)

I close my eyes and bring my legs up close to my chest. Piper's hand runs through my hair soothingly and her pajama pants feel soft on my face.

I am not a crier. I didn't cry when my mom twisted my wrist so hard it broke, I didn't cry when my dad plunged a blade into my abdomen, and I didn't cry when he held my hand to the burning hot stove. However, this is really testing my limits. My eyes have been burning for days, on the verge of tears, but they never spill over.

"It's going to be okay," Piper says softly.

She's been repeating this since CJ told me I'm never going to see him again. He didn't even give me much of an explanation. It's things out of my control, he'd said. That's bullshit. I deserve a fucking explanation.

"I feel like I've been run over by a semi," I say aloud.

"I'm sorry, Charli." She smooths my hair away from my face. "I know this is really hard but it'll get easier."

I sigh, even though I know she's right. I open my eyes and stare at my TV. On-screen a lion is stalking a zebra, she pounces, dragging it down. I find it a fitting metaphor for my life. CJ dragged me down when I was least expecting it.

The worst part is I knew this was coming. I'd asked him if he was going to hurt me and he said yes, to my face. I let myself get comfortable anyway though, this is partly my own fault. I brought this on myself.

He didn't end things, not really. He said he was trying to fix it, but what does that mean? Is there hope? Should I give up and move on? I don't think I can move on from him completely. Meeting him altered me, changed the way I approach things.

"I'm pathetic," I mumble.

"No, you're not."

"I am. All I want to do is text him."

She runs her fingers through my hair again. "I don't think that's a good idea."

I swallow and sit up. "Maybe there's a chance."

"He pretty much said there wasn't," Piper reminds me, touching my shoulder gently. "I think you need to move on."

I nod, that's what I'll try to do. It's not easy though.

The first week is the worst. My body aches and my eyes burn, I feel exhausted even though I'm sleeping more than usual. My meals are limited to frozen dinners and things that come out of a can because I don't have the energy to go pick up fast food. Piper texts me every few hours to check up on me and I feel like the world's saddest, most dramatic, sack of crap.

The next week is easier, I bury myself in homework and let my mind blank out while I'm working. I graduate from frozen meals to take out and I finally wash the dishes piled high in my sink. Doing dishes makes me feel a little better so I keep going and end up cleaning my entire apartment, enjoying the mind-numbing feeling that comes with it.

After a month I'm pretty much over it. I've felt the loss and I've moved on from it the best I can. I'm functioning at a good level again and I'm no longer moping on my couch all the time. Piper keeps me busy with study sessions and endless hobbies.

I still miss him though. I miss him whenever I open my laptop or hear a funny joke. I miss him on Saturday nights while I sit on Piper's couch. I miss his playfulness, his laugh, and I miss his kindness. He was one of the kindest people I'd ever met. Nobody had ever treated me the way he did before. He spoiled me even more than Piper does. It felt so good.

Sometimes I forget it's over and I'll go to text him a funny thought I have before pausing at his contact, remembering he's not part of my life now. So I text the thought to Piper instead but it's not the same, she doesn't respond the way he would've.

The worst part is at night, while I'm lying in the dark alone and the memories CJ and I made together run through my head like a movie I've left on repeat. I let them though, it's almost comforting in a terrible kind of way.

I let myself miss him because what we had is something I don't ever want to forget, even if I'll never have it again.

"Charli." Piper taps her pencil on my textbook. "Did you hear what I said?"

I look up and shift in my chair, looking around the library to reorient myself. I rest my arms on the table. "Sorry, no. I zoned out for a second."

"I said it's ladies' night at that bar downtown tonight, we could go."

Piper's asked me to go out to a bar a few times but I keep saying no. I don't know what I'm more afraid of; that I'll run into him or that I won't.

"I'm not really feeling that," I tell her, looking down at my textbook.

I can feel Piper looking at me but I don't meet her gaze because I don't want to know whether or not there's pity on her face.

"Maybe we can have a ladies' night in then," she suggests. "We could get some new nail polish, maybe do some face masks."

I look up at her and nod. "That sounds fun."

"Maybe we can get some of those luxury spa kits," she says, grinning.

"How are we going to afford those?"

Piper shrugs. "We can shoplift them."

I laugh. "You have never shoplifted anything a day in your life."

Piper shrugs. "Seize the day, right? It's never too late to pick up new hobbies."

I shake my head. "Shoplifting is not a hobby."

"It is for some people!"

"Okay, shoplifting is not a hobby you want to pick up."

Piper sighs dramatically. "Okay, whatever, you want to ruin everything."

"Yeah, I'm the worst," I agree.

Piper reaches out and gives my hand a quick squeeze. "I love you anyway though."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, I'm generous like that."

I try to hold back a smile. "What am I? A charity case?"

"Totally," she says sarcastically. "I have to be nice to you because your life is so sad. You're pretty, smart, funny, wait, where was I going with this?"

A smile fights its way onto my face. "I love you too."

Piper grins and I can't help but think it's one of my favorite sights.

Who needs romance when you have a friendship for the ages?

Author's Note: Let me know what you thought of the chapter with a comment or a vote :)