Royal Dilemma

Chapter Twenty-Six

(Charli's Point of View)

I sit on my bed, staring at the floor after CJ is gone. I don't know how to wrap my head around all of this. It was all fake... Everything. His face, his hair, his hands. God, I loved his hands. He's nothing more than a mirage.

I take a sip of water to soothe my scratchy throat and my eyes begin to burn. I am not going to cry over a boy. I don't want to give him the satisfaction.

What else was fake? Were the family stories he told me true? He seemed honest when he was telling me them. He had details that would be weird to add to a fake anecdote, but I'm learning I'm not the best judge of character.

Things are beginning to click into place, like I finally have all the pieces to the puzzle. Why he never mentioned his family members by name, why he could only meet once a week, his overall secrecy about anything that had to do with his life. It's because he's not a real person, he was just playing a part.

Who is CJ? Who is he that he has to use Shirashio to hide his appearance? A criminal? A celebrity? I think I'm leaning more towards criminal.

I sleep fitfully, plagued by nightmares where I don't know what exactly is going on, but I know that I'm alone. When it's time for me to get up my eyelids are heavy and my muscles all feel sore. The last thing I want to do right now is to go to work.

I phone my manager and tell him I'm sick, then I get back into bed.

After a bit of time just laying there, I dig my phone out from under my pillow and start typing a new message to Piper.

Me: Saw CJ last night. Turns out he's been using shirashio this whole time

Piper replies instantly.

Piper: ??? Faking sick and coming over now

I let out a shallow breath, relieved I don't have to be alone right now. Piper is the first person I've ever trusted enough to lean on when I'm struggling. I thought CJ was the second, but that was a giant mistake.

I've never felt so stupid.

When I open the door for Piper she immediately wraps me up in a tight hug.

"Are you okay?" She asks, pulling back to look into my eyes.

"Not really."

She frowns and leads me to the couch where she wraps her arms around me and lets me lean against her. I'm always surprised by how comforting it is to have another body pressed against your own. In the way an infant loves being swaddled, you feel protected and reassured.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks softly.

"I found an empty bottle of Shirashio. It fell out of his pocket and he admitted to it." I shake my head. "I'm such an idiot."

"You're not."

"There was nothing but red flags and I went for it anyway."

"He was kind and he treated you well," she reminds me. "I don't think he's a bad guy... He just made a bad decision taking Shirashio."

"He's probably a criminal. Or married."

"I think it's better if we don't speculate." She rubs my shoulder soothingly.

"Everything was fake..."

I can feel my eyes burning again and I beg myself not to cry.

"From what you've told me, the way he felt was not fake." She smooths my hair away from my face. "He loved you, he just had other things going on."

Tears start to fall and I quickly wipe them away before Piper sees, but it's of no use. They just keep coming.

"I'm sorry Charli..."

I love him and he loves me, but that's not enough. We'll still never be together. I'll never even know his real name or where he lives or the real color of his eyes.

"I am not crying over a boy," I say aloud, even though the evidence says otherwise.

Piper just hugs me closer.

She stays with me for the rest of the night, soothing me. I would've been even more miserable without her. I'm lucky to have such a good friend.

In the following days I do my best to focus on my routine. I go to school, I go to work, I do homework, I see Piper. I try to keep myself busy so I don't think about CJ so often. After about a week it starts to work. He still pops in my head, but it's lessened the slightest bit.

I assumed it would get better with time, that I would stop replaying my memories with him in my head. I thought I'd move on and he'd be nothing more than a distant memory, but a month goes by and he still has a significant presence in my thoughts.

I don't tell Piper this, but I think she knows everything. I'm no longer moping and the pain isn't quite so sharp. Thinking of CJ reminds me of the feeling you get when you press on a bruise, a pain you can't help but go back to.

I don't want to forget CJ. I loved every night I spent with him and because I was happy, I don't want to lose those memories. He made me happy. I just wish I could move on. I wish I wasn't still in love with him, even knowing about all of the lies he told, but you can't always get what you want. 

Author's Notes: Let me know what you thought of the chapter with a comment or a vote :)