Till The End

Kab 1- Samahan mo ako

Katahimikan.

Sa mundo ngayon masasabing mahirap mag-hanap ng katahimikan dahil sa iba't ibang gulong nangyayari ngayon. Isang bagay na maaring maituring na imposible but I guess, I was lucky enough to meet him. However, not fortunate enough to keep him with me. He bought me peace and serenity that I could never ask for more, even if it's just for a while at least I got the chance to meet him. 

"Nakakapagod na kasi nangyayare sa mundo ko 

 Ewan ko ba bat naging ganito to

 Pagkatapos ng isa may susunod na dalawa 

  Walang katapusang paghihirap to"

Pamilyar na kanta ang tumugtog sa Spotify. Hindi ko namalayan na napindot ko na pala ito nang kusa. 

"Buti nalang nanjan ka aking laging sandalan

 Ikaw lang at ikaw ang gusto ko na makasama

 Ngayong gabi ikaw ang gusto kong makatabi

 Kakwentuhan ng mga bagay o kaya mag muni-muni"

I let myself be reminded how happy we were, how contented I am. Ang hirap maging iba sa lahat, masyadong madaming mata ang nakatinggin sa'yo. I know that being different was never wrong, my family supported me for who I am. I am a proud part of the LGBTQ + community, I am gay and it's never a sin to be one. Mula pagkabata pa lang ay alam ko na at tinaggap ko na dahil ito ako na that I am attracted to guys. 

I faced everyone knowing that they might judge me but it's okay because I know that there's someone out there willing to love and accept me for who I am, kahit isa lang ayos na ako. I can never please anyone at alam kong I was born not to please them but rather to show them how I turned into a beautiful person. Hindi man madali ngunit I am trying and I think that it is already enough. 

"Samahan mo naman ako ngayong gabi

 Sabay natin palitawin mga ngiti

 Kalimutan mga problema

 Halika muna't magpahinga"

 He was there to lift my burdens and insecurities, andon sya when I was too scared to face the cruelty of the world. He became my rest and peace, and he would still be my everlasting oxygen. "Obasaan why are you there alone? come here it's Okasaan's birthday" a cute little boy appeared right before my eyes.

"Yes Shi, I'm just waiting for my friend lang" he smiled while nodding his head and ran away with my cat, Giveaway. Napailing na lang ako sa'kanya tiyak na pagsasabihan sya ni ate mamaya dahil napakalikot na naman nya. 'Ang lamig' bulong ko sa sarili ko. Napahawak ako sa shawl ko sa sobrang lamig.

Three years had already passed by at ngayon ay nasa Japan na ako dahil kinuha ako ng nanay at ate ko. Three years after what happened hindi ko na siya muling nakita pa at kahit ni isang balita tungkol sa kanya ay wala akong narinig. It's like he became completely gone from me. Or baka ako rin talaga, iniiwasan ko lahat.

Pinatay ko ang tugtog ng matapos ito. 

"Vee, andito na si Mama" tinanguan ko si Ate at saka lumabas upang batiin si Mama. "Ma, mano po, kasama nyo po si Tita Cathy? Na-mimiss na raw po nya kayo" pag-tawag ko sa pansin ni Mama. "Oo anak kanina, kakauwi nya lang at hindi na raw sya tutuloy dito dahil may biglaang lakad sya" aniya. 

"Vee anak, sigurado ka na ba sa desisyon mo?" alam kong nag-aalala para sa'kin si Mama pero my decision is final. I'll fly back to the Philippines next week. Sa tinggin ko ay ito na ang tamang panahon para bumalik doon. I hold her hand at saka sinabing "Yes Ma, I'll be fine. Saka bibisitahin ko po sila Papa at Lola sa Antipolo at ipapagawa ko yung bahay." I miss my family so much yung tipong every time na uuwi ako ay mag-boboodle fight kami.