Falling for You-Asher Adams

(8)-It hurts

We finished our trip,everyone went home,and we waited for Monday,to go to school.
It was late when we got home.
Olivia asked me some question why i go to the hotel without her,she fall asleep with Spencer.
Me and Asher didn't talk about that night.
So now i was trying to fall asleep in my bed but I couldn't.

All I was hearing was my mom,hearing how she was fucked by a dude.
Yeah her room was across by mine.I think JJ was feeling the tension between mom and dad and he chosed to sleep at Jordan.

I'm not used to this,and it hurts.
The fact that mom and dad are not togheter,JJ is sleeping at his friends,right now i am the victim,the one who had to support the sound of my mom moaning.
It's not good enough that i'm falling at math and french,i don't even like to speak french and I don't wanna live in France,and math it's pointless.

So I want to escape a little from reality,i just need a little to smoke some marijuana and I will be fine.
But I don't think I have any,so I go to JJ's room,he doesn't know that i know that he have drugs under his bad in a little black box.
I tried to not disturbe mom,because then she will go crazy and make me an entire moral about life,when her life it's failling.

When i took the little box,i got immediately to my room in silence.
I found some lighter in my room,and start smoking right infront of the opened window.I had my parfume on the office,ready to spray it if my mom comes in the room.

Anyway,slowly I was started to feel hight enought,and i got in my bed.
Slowly,when my eyes are closing,a vision it's showing.

•

,,Honey, come here"My grandma was yelling after me.I was playing in the garden of the most beatiful house,where it was a small lake,but it was still beatifull,i wonder why Nana moved here,in the middle of the forest,away from people,maybe she hated people.

,,I'm coming"I yelled back,looking at the small fishes from the lake.I was just 7.

I entered in the kitchen.Nana was doing cookies with banana,my favourites.

,,They cooked ?"I asked her when i wanted to take a cookie,but she snapped my hand away.

,,What we talked about,we don't eat it if they don't have chocolate on them,right,wait to put some chocolate on them,ok,mija?"She asked me when I nodded my head.I loved when she was calling me mija,it was meaning daughter in espanol,that was meaning that i'm her daughter.

After she was putting chocolate she handed me one to eat it first.

,,Here,let me know how they are."She told me,when my mouth was dying after them, a big exploution of tastes,the bananna cookies combinated with chocolate it's the best combination.
My mouth wanted more cookies,god it was tasting so good,nobody could compare this cookies with anything.

,,Nana,they are so delicious,I don't know what i would do if you wouldn't be with me for the rest of my life."I said when she was smiling.

,,My dear,in the end people will die,even me.I will teach you one day my recipe of this cookies"She said when i took another cookie.

,,But I don't know what i would do if you would die,my life will be a mess."I said when my smile erased.

,,Mija,don't worry I always be with you"She did the pinky promise,and i trusted her.

And i woke up,with tears in my eyes,remembering my grandma,that died years ago.I missed the only person who really cared about me.
I get up,going to brush my teeth,without doing any make up,or chosing rich clotches,just a big white shirt and a pair of black pants,i didn't have any energy to do anything,i let my hair falling on my shoulders and going upstairs.

I heard my mom voice and a misterious man.

,,Goodbye,Matt,i hope we will see."She said to the tall men who was looking like 50,what the fuck i don't need a step dad right know and having the name of a ratt,Matt ratt,funny.

I get to the kitchen where i was still hearing mom,doing my coffee.

,,You still own me 900 dollars,you know one night it's not enought,Crystal Parker"He said to her,leaving.

When i heard the number i split my coffee out,and mom was coming in the kitchen.

,,What did you do?"I asked my mother,worring about her.

,,What do you mean,i didn't do anything.Now please go to school and learn something good from that school"She kinda ordored to me,when i get mad.Why I have to care about someone who doesn't care about me.

So being mad,i took my last sip from the coffee getting my beg in the back and closed the door so hard that i thought that i brooked.

I get in my car.Starting my radio,and searching the CD that i made.
It was my last vocal message with my Nana,the last word from her to me.
She called me and I didn't answer to her call because i was to drunk in that day to replay.
My biggest regret,i didn't answer,so she give me a goodbye on the phone,she knew she will die,she was at hospital,preparing for her last surgery where she was supposed to live,but she lost the battle with Cancer.

After that when i found out her voice message,i recorded and putted in a CD,so when I always felt weak and sad amd all the negativity energy,i was listening to her last message.

●Play message●
,,Hey sweetie,maybe this will be the last time when I will talk to you,or maybe not like you said.I just wanted to tell you that I am very proud of you,and you are doing great,i see that you will be the succesful woman in acting,like Angelina Jolie.I hope that you will never give up and keep swiming until you get to the shore.You will be an amanzing actress,and i think you will win all the awards,damn maybe even the Oscar.
And all I want to say it's that I love you so much mija,more than your father.
So if everyone is doubting you,and doesn't care about you remember that Time will reveal whose loss it truly.
Goodbye,my sweet mija,I love you till death will brooke us."End of voice email.

I felt tears coming from my eyes,i really wanted so much to go to grandma and get in her arms,hugging her so badly,and wanting to cry in her arms.

Why I have to feel like this,why I can't be like JJ forgetting about pain being drunk and hight enough,and doesn't care about people.
Why I have be the one supporting the concequincing.

I'm sorry that it's so short,but this is what I found in my drafts so i thought that will be good if i will put this here.I cried a little because this represent a chapter from my life,i loosed my grandma 2 years ago so i think i just described her here.
I love you Nana:)