Little Dreams (and Nightmares)

Vita Nova

There were moments when it seemed okay (But I go back alone)
Where do you go? Oh, where do you stay? (I go back alone)
There was a time when the music would play (Woah-oh-oh-oh-oh)

Ashlyn raised the volume of the car's radio. She looked at her love, hands on the wheel and smiled, kissing his cheek. His face immediately brightened up.

She stucked her arm out to the open window, feeling the wind rushing through her fingers. The girl rolled down the window, feeling now the air on her face. She closed her eyes. Finally. The nightmares she had to went through ended at last. The hard work finally payed off. This was one of the moments she was dreaming so often. People might dream of big things, and so did she, but right now, right there, it was all that mattered. Freedom.

God. Road trips felt amazing with the right people.

"We are going to stop in a gas station in a bit. Want to get something?"

Ashlyn turned her head to look at him. "Maybe water, I don't know. I do know I want to go to the bathroom though".

"Right. Me too actually :v" They both giggled.

"My adorable kitty, the pain we endured. Especially you" she scrunched her nose while softly stroking his dark black hair. "Don't you remember? It was hard."

"Yeah. I was so scared".

"I know.. Yet you made it, Proves again you're stronger than you realise".

"Oui. Wouldn't have made it without you amor"

She kissed his cheek again. Lewis stared blankly at the road ahead of them, reflecting on the past.

********

One of those days. It was almost two months since Lewis was admitted in the hospital.

The constant heart aches, difficulities to breath, and overall tiredness was too much for him.

"Maybe I should just give up. What's the point?" He thought. "I guess I'm going the last one of my family after all. Fuck it all".

He sighed.

All of a sudden he saw in front of him some eyes he knew so well, and missed dearly. He clung to the edge of the bed he was laying down, blinking twice. There were still there. Blue like the infinite ocean, staring deeply into his soul.

"Okay, either I'm in the verge of death, or I'm hallucinating."

"Hahah wait, is this what Ashlyn sees everyday, she told me"

"Hello brother" He heard mentally. He also felt a feeling of happiness. And love. Infinite.

He blinked again, puzzled. It couldn't be. After so long and now?

No.

"The hospital stay made me lose my head. I knew it."

"Aren't you happy to see me again, little bro?" This time it was the same feeling, mixed with a little bit of sadness.

Or yes?

It was hard for him to process all of this. Chills ran down his body. He gulped. "W-What the-?"

"G-Gwen?"

He felt her smile, even if her face and full figure weren't clearly visible.

"Gwen! Is that really you? Oh my god!" He covered his mouth as soon as he heard how loud he was. Waiting some seconds, he was relieved to see nobody coming to check on him and his.. craziness?

"I missed you so much.. crazy".

"I couldn't visit you yet, but know that I have always been by your side.. I also heard you wanted to give up, Lewis"

"Right... I just don't see the point.. All this pain. Every single day. I can't. If this is Jesus willing, then may it be."

"I learnt many things here, and Jesus assisted us so often. He never wishes pain!"

"Oui, then why? Why this?? I wanted to just pull out my heart out of my chest so many times sis!! I just don't understand.."

"Emotions" She slowly approached him and gently touched his chest with her translucent hand. "Why are so sad, brother?"

He looked at her, tears starting to appear in his brown eyes as he looked down. "I... I just missed you.. So much. I'm so lonely here.. I cut off with our parents after what they did to you. I'll never be able to forgive them. .. Even Ashlyn can't come yet.." He raised his head again "Wait- you know- that we-?"

"Yes. She's amazing." He sighed. "Listen to me Lewis"

"Stop trying to punish yourself every day for the mistakes of the past. It happened, and you are in this moment in time right now. You did your best! However, even if you decide to never speak to them again, you'll have to forgive either way. Not for them, but for you Lewis. You helped me a lot, and I thank you for that endlessly. You were an amazing brother, the best of the best! I love you so much and I'm really proud of you little bro."

"You have now many friends and a beautiful girl who is by your side forever. You have a whole life to experience, and to enjoy. So..? Do you still want to end it all?"

Lewis thought about her words. "No. I don't. I want to be happy." He felt her nodding.

"And always remember I'm here up above, watching for your health and happiness."

Suddenly he felt a warm, loving embrace around him. He let his tears flow freely across his face as he reached for her.

"I love you so much little bro. Be happy. You deserve it".

He opened his eyes and sat down. Was it all a dream?

He saw a purely white butterfly sitting on his knee for a second and flying across the room to the open window. He touched his face. His cheeks were still wet because of the tears. Was it not?

Strangely enough there was no heart pain anymore. He forced it. Okay, there it was. A little. But way less than before!

Meanwhile, on the astral plane, Lewis' spirit guides observed happily as the emotional baggage he was carrying around constantly dissipated into white light of acceptance and love. Ashlyn greeted them, celebrating the moment.

********

Oh, baby, every morning there are mountains to climb
Taking all my time
Oh, when I get up, this is what I see
Welcome to reality

Ashlyn was now singing along.

It was definitely a good time to be alive. The best of it. She smiled looking at her beloved, and Lewis returned the smile, kissing her nose.