His blood on my hands

Belle three

I pull away and smile, not realizing how long I've been wanting to do that. I knew the way I thought about her was more than just friends. How I overanalyzed her voice, her movements and her words. How I subconsciously mimicked her behavior.

For a moment we just look at each other. She looks at me so intently. Studying me. As though she believes she is dreaming. So do I.

"Wow." she says.

And after my 30 seconds of happiness I'm sad again.

"Jamia. I'll never see you."

I couldn't grasp that idea before but now it's even harder.

She looks at me, her eyes dark like a storm.

"It's going to be okay. You'll get over me." She teases.

When I say nothing she adds, "It's only been a couple years Belle . As mean as it sounds. You'll forget about me. And I'll forget about you. That's the best thing that can happen."

But I won't forget about her. And it saddens me to think that she'll forget about me.

"But hey," she says, lifting my face in her hand, "We have one more night."

"Yeah."

Both of us stay silent for a moment longer. Thinking. About everything. About each other. At least I was thinking about her. Then at the same time, both of us collectively decided to stop. To stop thinking. About the future. And how we wont be with each other. How our story together ends tomorrow.

"Yeah," I say with a smile this time, "We have one more night."

We put on our cloaks and go outside. The sun is setting.

"Where do you want to go?" she asks

"I have an idea."

She follows me as I head to the bookstore. The dining hall closed an hour ago but, luckily the bookstore is open all night. We choose our favorite snacks. Pretzels, cupcakes, yogurt and orange juice. I let her pay and we walk out. It's getting darker but we keep walking and she doesn't ask questions. Then we reach the small library. I've only been here once, because the walk is far, but it was so beautiful I vowed I would come back. When the moment was right.

The lighting is not great here, and I'm not even sure if the library is even functioning or if it's abandoned. I lead her to the middle of a field that lies in front of the library. The field is quite big.

"How did you know about this place?" she asks, looking around in awe.

"I just used to wander off a lot sophomore year."

I put down my robe, because I forgot a towel, and place the food on it.

"Belle is this a picnic?" I can almost see heart eyes bulging out of her face.

"Yes." I say proudly, blushing.

She sits down; we start eating and talking. We can't see anything except the stars and the moon.

We talk like we used to. About everything unexplainable or magnificent. About the world, stars and space.

Then we are silent, laying down and looking up at the sky. I see her in the stars.

"Hey Jamia."

"Yeah."

"I thought about what you said. And I won't forget you."

"I know it feels like that right now but trust me. You'll forget and you'll move on. And you'll find love."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I love you. I'm in love with you. And I know it hasn't been that long. But I know."

She stares at me, as if at a loss for words. Maybe I shouldn't have told her that I loved her. But I would never get the chance again, so what's to lose?

When she still doesn't say anything I talk again.

"It hurts so bad to think I'll never see you again. I almost wish I had never met you. But now that I have, I can't wish that I would lose you."

She talks, "Belle ."

"You don't have to say it back, I just wanted you to know that I love you."

She says nothing but leans in and kisses me. She kisses me so softly. It feels like infinity.

"I love you too."

I look at her, my throat drying up. I can't leave her.

"And I get it," she adds, "I just can't. I can't stop. I want to. More than anything, but I can't. I want to forget you so bad."

"So, were you lying earlier?" I ask.

"Yeah."

For some reason, that makes me feel better. Knowing that I'll remember and she'll remember too. Though I wish both of us could forget.

Both of us stare at the sky again, my heart feels so full. I feel as though, for this moment, everything is right.

"You know, I never believed in soulmates." She says, "I thought it was bullshit. Until right now."

I smile.

It may seem as though these feelings are too much. As if it came too quick, moving forward too fast. But I've been feeling it for a while. I just didn't know. And now everything is unlocked.

We talk some more, then I feel myself getting sleepy. I lay on her shoulder and she holds me in her arms. I fall asleep, seeing stars in my dreams.